Loving a somatic narcissist can be an emotional rollercoaster. They’re obsessed with their physical appearance and can be charming and seductive, but the relationship may also come with manipulation, self-centeredness, and insecurity. If you’re navigating the highs and lows of loving someone with these tendencies, staying grounded and protecting your emotional well-being are essential—here’s how.
1. Do: See Their Obsession for What it is
Somatic narcissists are hyper-focused on their bodies, appearance, and physical achievements. Understanding that their obsession with looks isn’t about you can help you depersonalize their behavior.
Don’t take their preoccupation with themselves as a reflection of your worth or attractiveness.
2. Don’t: Let Them Control the Narrative
Somatic narcissists may try to dominate conversations with stories about their achievements or looks. While it’s important to listen, don’t let them make everything about them.
Don’t always concede the spotlight—your thoughts and feelings matter, too.
3. Do: Stay Firm in Your Identity
Somatic narcissists can sometimes make you feel like their world revolves around their needs. Stay firm in who you are, your interests, and your values.
Avoid losing yourself in their self-centeredness—your individuality matters.
4. Don’t: Allow them to Overstep
Boundaries are essential when loving a narcissist. Make it clear what behaviors are acceptable and what aren’t. Stick to your boundaries, even when they try to test them.
Avoid letting them push your limits just to keep the peace—it will only reinforce unhealthy patterns.
5. Don’t: Be Their Ego Boost
While a somatic narcissist thrives on compliments about their appearance, you don’t need to feed their need for validation constantly. Being their constant source of reassurance can drain your energy.
Don’t feel responsible for boosting their ego whenever they seek attention. It’s not your job to keep them feeling good about themselves.
6. Do: Avoid Comparing Yourself
It’s easy to feel insecure when someone is so focused on their looks, but resist the urge to compare yourself. Remember, their obsession with perfection has nothing to do with your value.
Don’t let their vanity make you feel like you’re competing with them or anyone else.
7. Do: Focus on Their Actions, Not Words
Somatic narcissists can be incredibly charming and persuasive, but often, their words don’t match their actions. Pay attention to how they treat you rather than just listening to their flattering words.
Don’t be swayed by empty promises or charm if their actions don’t match their words.
8. Do: Take Time Out to Refuel
Loving a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting. Make sure you’re taking time for yourself and doing things to replenish your energy, whether spending time with friends, enjoying hobbies, or practicing mindfulness.
Avoid neglecting your own needs in the pursuit of keeping them happy.
9. Don’t: Rely on Them for Emotional Support
Somatic narcissists often struggle with empathy and may not be the best emotional support system. Build your support network outside the relationship to have people who listen and care.
Don’t expect them to consistently be there for you emotionally—they may not have the capacity for it.
10. Do: Detach from Their Need for Attention
A somatic narcissist thrives on attention, whether from you or others. Try to detach from their constant need for validation and focus on staying grounded in your self-worth.
Don’t get caught up in feeling like you need to give them attention or admiration constantly.
11. Do: Call Out Their Manipulative Behavior
Narcissists often use manipulation to get what they want, whether it’s guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or love-bombing. Recognize these tactics and don’t hesitate to call them out when necessary.
Don’t let manipulative behavior slide to avoid conflict—it can lead to more damage over time.
12. Don’t: Think Things Will Change Overnight
Somatic narcissists are unlikely to change overnight, and in some cases, they may never entirely alter their behavior. Understand that while personal growth is possible, it often requires professional help and a willingness to change on their part.
Don’t cling to the false hope that they’ll transform into a different person without serious effort.
13. Don’t: Lose Sight of Your Own Needs
It’s easy to get swept up in the needs of a somatic narcissist, but your needs are just as important. Ensure you speak up for what you want in the relationship, and don’t always put them first.
Don’t sacrifice your happiness to keep the peace or fulfill their desires.
14. Do: Safeguard Your Self-Esteem
Narcissists can sometimes chip away at your confidence, intentionally or not. Be mindful of your self-esteem, and don’t let their focus on physical appearance affect how you feel about yourself.
Don’t let their critical eye or vanity make you feel less valuable or attractive.
15. Do: Know When It’s Time to Walk Away
There may come a time when the emotional toll of loving a somatic narcissist outweighs the benefits of staying in the relationship. Knowing when to walk away can be crucial for your mental and emotional health.
Don’t stay in the relationship out of fear or a sense of obligation if it’s causing more harm than good.
