When people think of bullying, they often imagine playground taunts or workplace intimidation. But bullying doesn’t always come from a boss, a stranger, or a schoolyard enemy—it can come from the person you share your life with. When your spouse constantly belittles you, manipulates you, or makes you feel small, it’s not just “relationship issues”—it’s emotional bullying.
The hardest part is that bullies behind closed doors don’t always look like bullies in public. They wear a different face around friends, colleagues, and family, making you question if what you’re experiencing is even real. If any of these behaviors sound familiar, it’s time to recognize them for what they are—and start reclaiming your voice.
1. They Control The Mood Of The Entire House
Some days, everything feels fine—until you notice your spouse’s energy shift. Suddenly, the entire house feels tense, and you’re walking on eggshells. One wrong word, one minor inconvenience, and the mood flips. They don’t need to yell or slam doors; their mere presence is enough to make everyone uneasy. According to Psychology Today, “Emotional contagion is a real phenomenon where one person’s emotions and related behaviors directly trigger similar emotions and behaviors in other people.”
Controlling the household mood is a form of emotional dominance. Instead of allowing everyone to have their own emotions, they make sure theirs take center stage. The best way to stand your ground? Refuse to cater to their unspoken demands. If they’re sulking, let them sulk. If they’re fuming, let them fume. You don’t have to rearrange yourself to keep the peace.
2. They Act Nice In Public And Cold When You’re Alone
To everyone else, they’re charming, affectionate, and engaging. They make people laugh, ask thoughtful questions, and seem like the perfect partner. But the moment you’re alone, their energy shifts. They become dismissive, short-tempered, or completely indifferent to you. The National Domestic Violence Hotline highlights that “Jekyll and Hyde” behavior, where a partner acts differently in public versus private, is a common sign of emotional abuse.
This kind of behavior makes you doubt yourself. If they’re so kind to others, maybe *you’re* the problem? But the truth is, kindness that only exists when others are watching isn’t kindness at all—it’s image management. Pay attention to how they treat you when no one else is looking. That’s who they really are.
3. They ‘Jokingly’ Imitate Your Voice When You’re Upset
You’re trying to express frustration, sadness, or even just an opinion, and instead of listening, they mock you. They mimic your tone in an exaggerated, whiny way, turning your real feelings into a joke. It’s humiliating, and it shuts you down instantly. The Gottman Institute states that contemptuous behaviors like mockery and mimicry are among the most destructive in relationships, often predicting divorce with high accuracy.
This isn’t humor—it’s a way to make you feel ridiculous for speaking up. The best way to handle it? Call it out. A calm, direct response like, “I’m telling you something important, and you’re mocking me instead of listening,” forces them to own their behavior. If they brush it off, it’s proof they don’t respect your voice.
4. They Rephrase Your Opinions To Make You Sound Stupid
You make a thoughtful point, and instead of engaging with it, they twist your words into something absurd. If you say, “I think we should save more money this year,” they reply, “Oh, so you think we should live in a cardboard box and never have fun?” Suddenly, you’re defending yourself against a version of your argument that you never even made. As reported by the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness, “twisting a partner’s words or actions” is a form of gaslighting, a manipulative tactic used to make the victim question their own reality.
This tactic isn’t about conversation—it’s about undermining your confidence. It’s meant to make you feel foolish and second-guess your thoughts. Instead of taking the bait, call it out: “That’s not what I said, and you know it.” If they won’t argue fairly, they’re not interested in an actual discussion.
5. They Mock The Things You Love Until You Stop Talking About Them
At first, it seems playful. They make a few sarcastic comments about your favorite TV show, hobby, or passion project. But over time, the teasing turns into outright disdain. You bring up something you love, and they roll their eyes, sigh, or make a cutting remark that makes you feel embarrassed. Healthline reports that belittling or mocking a partner’s interests is a form of emotional abuse that can lead to decreased self-esteem and isolation over time.
The goal? To make you self-conscious enough to stop talking about it. And when that happens, a part of you starts to shrink. Don’t let them decide what you’re allowed to enjoy. Keep talking about what excites you, and if they can’t be respectful, that says more about them than it does about your interests.
6. They ‘Accidentally’ Damage Something Important To You
That sentimental piece of jewelry? Lost. The book you cherished? Torn. The art piece you spent weeks on? Spilled on. And every time, it’s just a mistake. A slip of the hand. A moment of carelessness that somehow never happens to their own belongings.
Repeated “accidents” are often subtle power plays. They might not yell, but they send the message that your things—and by extension, your feelings—don’t matter. If you notice a pattern, stop brushing it off as clumsiness. Confront them directly: “This keeps happening, and I don’t believe it’s just bad luck.” Their reaction will tell you everything.
7. They Make Jabs Disguised As ‘Just Kidding’
They insult you, but when you react, they smirk and say, “Relax, it’s just a joke.” They point out something you’re insecure about—your weight, your job, your intelligence—and act like you’re too sensitive if it hurts.
Real jokes make both people laugh. These kinds of “jokes” are designed to make only *them* feel good. You don’t have to play along. Next time, try saying, “If it was really a joke, we’d both be laughing.” If they double down, they’re not joking—they’re just being mean.
8. They Gaslight You And Tell You You’re Overreacting
You call them out on something they did, and instead of acknowledging it, they flip the script. “That never happened.” “You’re remembering it wrong.” “You’re blowing this out of proportion.” Suddenly, you’re questioning your own memory.
This is classic gaslighting—designed to make you doubt yourself so they never have to take accountability. Trust your instincts. Keep a journal if you have to. If they’re constantly rewriting reality, the problem isn’t your memory—it’s their refusal to own up to their actions.
9. They Sulk Until You Feel Guilty For Saying No
You set a boundary, and instead of respecting it, they make you pay for it emotionally. They withdraw, pout, or give you the silent treatment until you feel bad enough to cave in.
Guilt-tripping isn’t love. It’s manipulation. If they can’t handle the word “no” without punishing you for it, they’re not looking for a partner—they’re looking for control. Stand firm, and let their sulking be *their* problem, not yours.
10. They Make You Guess If Today Is A Good Day Or A Bad One
Some days, they’re kind and affectionate. Other days, they’re cold and distant. And you never know which version of them you’re going to get. So, you stay hyper-aware, watching their mood, adjusting yourself to avoid setting them off.
This kind of emotional unpredictability is exhausting. It keeps you on edge, constantly trying to “earn” good behavior. The truth? Their mood is *not* your responsibility. Stop playing the game, and start prioritizing your own emotional stability.
11. They Talk Over You Until You Give Up
Every time you try to express how you feel, they interrupt. They cut you off, talk louder, or keep pushing their point until you’re too exhausted to fight for your side of the conversation. The goal isn’t discussion—it’s dominance. They want to control the conversation so they can control the outcome.
Over time, this makes you question whether speaking up is even worth it. You start keeping things to yourself, not because you don’t have a voice, but because you’ve learned they won’t let you use it. The best way to break the cycle? Stop engaging in one-sided conversations. If they won’t let you finish a thought, stop trying. If they can’t respect your words, they don’t deserve access to them.
12. They Pretend Not To Hear You When They Don’t Like What You’re Saying
You bring up something important—maybe a boundary, maybe an issue that’s been bothering you—and suddenly, they don’t hear you. They keep scrolling, turn up the TV, or act like they didn’t catch what you said. But when the topic shifts to something they want to discuss? Suddenly, their hearing works just fine.
This isn’t forgetfulness; it’s a power move. By ignoring you, they’re sending a clear message: “Your concerns don’t matter.” The next time this happens, don’t let it slide. Make them acknowledge you. If they pretend not to hear you, stop talking entirely until they do. Their selective listening only works if you accept it.
13. They ‘Forget’ To Tell You Important News
They tell you about a major event, decision, or plan after the fact, as if it slipped their mind. Maybe they accepted a job offer in another city, invited someone to stay over, or made a big financial decision—without ever consulting you. When you call them out, they act like it was an innocent oversight.
Forgetting once or twice might be a mistake, but when it happens repeatedly, it’s about control. They want to remind you that they don’t have to include you in their decisions, even when those decisions affect you directly. If they can’t respect you enough to communicate openly, it’s time to question whether they respect you at all.
14. They Change Plans At The Last Minute To Remind You That They’re In Control
You make plans, agree on a schedule, and feel like everything is set—until they suddenly change things. They decide last minute they don’t feel like going, they switch locations without telling you, or they cancel completely, expecting you to just roll with it. But when you try to adjust plans? They act like you’re the unreasonable one.
Constantly shifting plans keeps you off balance. It forces you to stay flexible to their whims while they never have to accommodate yours. The best way to handle this? Stop rearranging your life for someone who refuses to be considerate. Hold them accountable. If they change plans last minute, go without them. If they cancel? Don’t reschedule on their terms.
15. They Leave You Out Of Decisions That Directly Impact You
They don’t just “forget” to tell you things—they *intentionally* make decisions that affect both of you without your input. Maybe they take out a loan in both your names, decide where to live without asking you, or even make parenting choices without your say. The message is clear: what you think doesn’t matter.
Partnership is about collaboration, not unilateral decision-making. If they repeatedly exclude you from choices that impact your life, that’s not just inconsiderate—it’s controlling. You have every right to be involved in decisions that shape your future. And if they refuse to respect that? It’s time to ask yourself what kind of relationship you’re really in.
