15 Ways You’re Ruining Your Own Sex Life

I know it’s not something you want to hear, but you could be ruining your own sex life. The sooner you realize it and admit it, the sooner you can fix the problem and start enjoying yourself again. Don’t worry — a lot of women sabotage their sex lives and don’t even realize it. Here’s how to tell if you’re one of them:

  1. You’re overthinking it. The throes of passion (does anyone even say that anymore?) aren’t the time to think about anything. You’re just supposed to feel. Don’t think about what you’re going to do after or what your hair looks like. Don’t overanalyze every move or touch. Just go with what feels right.
  2. You’re focused on your body. I know we’re all a little self-conscious about our naked bodies. Get over it for now. If he’s in the mood and eager to touch you, he doesn’t care about your spare tire, cellulite, bacne or any other supposed flaws. He just wants to please you and, of course, himself.
  3. You never try anything new. If you have a set routine with just a few positions, sex is going to get boring, no matter who you’re with. Spice it up now and again. Try something from Cosmo sometime or ask him what he’d like to try. Just do something different.
  4. You expect it to be perfect. Online sex is hot, wild and perfect. In real life, it’s hot, messy and sometimes seems like a online sex movie blooper reel. All that really matters is how much you both enjoy it. It doesn’t have to be perfect. So what if you look like a raccoon that’s been in the dryer afterwards? That just means you had a great time.
  5. You keep it in the bedroom. I realize anybody with kids might have a hard time having sex anywhere but the bedroom. For everyone else, try the kitchen counter, get dirty in the shower, bend over the back deck. Just a change of scenery helps break up the monotony. And believe me when I say great sex should never seem monotonous.
  6. You always expect deep conversation after the act. It’s fine to talk after sex. Just don’t corner a guy for a serious conversation every time. Odds are, most guys will leave as soon as possible and you’ll spend most of your time trying to find someone new.
  7. You let hygiene slide. Would you want to have a guy in you or go down on a guy who smelled funny? No. Keep your lady parts clean. It’s good for your health.
  8. You don’t ask for what you want. He never seems to get it, right? Have you talked about what you want him to do differently? Don’t just accept bad sex — fix it, especially if you’re sleeping with the same guy often. Ask for what you want. Direct him. Finally discover how great it can feel.
  9. You don’t know what you want. This is major problem. You dread sex or avoid it because you never feel satisfied. Yet, you don’t know what to even tell a guy to do differently. Starting right now, learn what you like. Touch yourself. Masturbation could unlock a brand new sex life for you.
  10. You’re the world’s biggest critic. Guys don’t mind guidance. They do mind being constantly criticized. The more you put them down, the less he’ll get it up for you. Be nice or you might not get any at all.
  11. You care too much or not enough. Sex should be equal parts give and take. If you’re too giving, you start resenting your partner and sex. If you’re too selfish, you could lose your partner completely. It’s fine to be more giving one time and more selfish the next. Just make sure you find a balance.
  12. You’re busy with other things. How often do you check your phone? Are you checking Facebook while lying in bed with your partner? Studies have shown our obsession with our digital lives is ruining our sex lives. Of course, things like work and stress also interfere. Take a step back and make sure you’re making time for sex. If your partner is low on your priority list, it’s time for some changes.
  13. You always have an excuse. We all get headaches and feel tired sometimes. When you have an excuse not to have sex all the time, you can pretty much kiss you sex life goodbye. Stop and figure out why you don’t want to have sex. There’s only so many excuses you can make.
  14. You stay quiet during and after. Guys need some sign that you’re enjoying yourself. It’s how they get better and it’s also part of what keeps them aroused. The quieter you are, the more likely a guy is to think you didn’t enjoy it. Do this all the time and he’ll lose interest in sex with you. Give him some feedback and let him know he’s doing good.
  15. You don’t have sex for yourself. We’ve all had sex when we weren’t really feeling up to it. Maybe your boyfriend or husband had a horrible day and you did it to cheer him up. Maybe he’s selfish and never really gets you off. Whatever the issue, it’s time to start being selfish yourself. If you don’t want it, say so. When you do want it, make sure you’re getting yours too.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.