So you’ve been together for a while and the honeymoon phase is decidedly over. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, at all! It’s just the natural progression of relationships. Without the rose-colored lenses of early dating/married days, you start noticing things about your partner. Good, bad, and sometimes just weird. Here are 15 things you might notice when that honeymoon phase is over.
1. Morning Breath
You used to fantasize about waking up together, rolling over to give them a kiss (and maybe more) as the sunlight gently streams through the windows…*sigh.* Maybe at first you were so enamored, that you didn’t even notice the morning breath. Or maybe you were one of those couples who would sneak out of bed, brush your teeth, put on deodorant, and then pretend to be asleep. But now you’re more comfortable, and the morning breath is a bit of a morning mood killer, which is fine—your relationship strength isn’t based on morning libido.
2. Body odor
Speaking of smells…yes, they look super hot when they come back from the gym or a run. Spandex is a gift from God. But…they do stink a bit. And maybe you’re attracted to that! Maybe you work out together, and that brings you closer. It’s just that you’re only noticing the smell now. They say love is blind, and new love tends to be nose-blind, too.
3. Bathroom Habits
My friend is in medical school, where they get their very own cadaver to study. Since the honeymoon phase of my marriage ended, I’ve been tempted to ask her about the digestive system of her male cadaver. Do they even have one? Do they have any “hold it” muscles down there? When you’re dating, the bathroom isn’t often something you think about in regard to your partner. But, when the honeymoon phase is over, we tend to let it all (and I mean all) out.
4. Stuff…Everywhere
Maybe you need to go to Target and get some baskets…because there are too many shoes. And keys. And water bottles/tumblers. The rosy haze has faded, and you’re beginning to notice that your partner drops their things all over the house. You didn’t mind at first, but now there’s a huge pile of their shoes by the front door you’ve tripped over thrice this week.
5. How They Respond to Your Annoying Habits
In the honeymoon phase, your partner likely didn’t notice how you left the dishes in the sink for probably a little too long to be considered sanitary. But now they’ve noticed. How do they respond? Do they offer to do the dishes themselves? Do they kindly ask you to try and get to them a little sooner? Or do they fly off the handle, raging and belittling? This is the period in relationships where true colors often begin to show.
6. Division of Labor
Sometimes the labor just naturally divides itself, based on schedules/what you’re each good at. But sometimes…you look up and no one has folded the laundry or mowed the grass in a week. Once the honeymoon phase is over, that’s when you have to start having the “who does what?” conversations!
7. Differing TV/Movie Preferences
Because let’s be real…the TV might have technically been playing something in those early days, but you probably weren’t actually watching anything. Now, you’re noticing that your partner can literally quote “Talladega Nights” in its entirety, and they’re bewildered by your tolerance for “Criminal Minds.”
8. Phone Habits
We all have our own problematic phone habits. It’s just a reality of living in this century. But most of us (hopefully) are a little more discreet with them at the beginning of a relationship. A few months in, though, you realize that they’re one of those people…one of those people who watch Facebook reels in waiting rooms on full volume. One of those people who takes every call on speakerphone. In all honesty, this is a valid dealbreaker.
9. You’re Tired of Cuddling
This has nothing to do at all with your love for them! It’s just that when you were newly in love, your body worked overtime dealing with the night sweats, the numbing of limbs, and the mild claustrophobia. You grinned through it because you wanted to be close to them. But eventually, that wears off, and you might have to set some boundaries around the cuddling. You still love them with all your heart, but you need your space while you sleep. And that’s fine!
10. Annoying Family Members
We’re not talking toxic, here, just annoying things about their family. You didn’t notice at first, because most of your attention was on your partner, but their dad chews with his mouth open. Or maybe their Great Aunt Shirley is really dramatic. The annoyances can seem huge, but (if they aren’t abusive) remember: even with all the little quirks, these are the people who made and raised the person you love so much!
11. Similarities With Annoying Family Members
You start connecting dots you’ve never even thought of before. Your partner got their table manners from Dad. They cry at everything like Great Aunt Shirley. It’s easy to start speculatively panicking, here. Are you doomed to have rude, elbows on the table, crybaby children, and grandchildren? Take a breath here. Note the difference between generational curses and inherited/learned quirks. It will be fine.
12. How They Support You
A supportive partner is important. When you got that promotion three weeks into your marriage, maybe you got a gigantic flower arrangement sent to your desk. It made Suzy from HR sneeze, but it made you smile. But a few months, a year, later, when you make that sale or complete that project, are they still happy for you? Are they still proud of you? You’ll start noticing whether or not your accomplishments matter to them, too.
13. How They React to Bad Days (Yours and Theirs)
Sometimes in the beginning of a relationship, we try to minimize the effects of our bad days on one another. We try to brush them off and put on a smile. But sometimes, as time goes on, we slip. You start noticing that after a long day, they shut the cabinets with a little more, erm, energy than usual. Or when you have a bad day, you notice the way they jump up to do the dishes, to lighten your load, without even being asked.
14. Tiny Quirks
Not where they leave their shoes or how they fold towels. More like, they exclaim “Hallelujah!” every time the grease pops when they cook bacon. Or, they whistle the Folklore track list while they pay the bills. And these things make you love them even more. Because, come on, adorable.
15. Small gestures of love
So maybe you don’t get rose petals leading to the candlelit bedroom anymore. Maybe there aren’t so many 5-star dinner reservations. But your partner understands (and doesn’t judge) your Diet Coke affinity. So they bring you one every time they come home. They rub your back until you fall asleep. These moments are easy to miss if you aren’t looking for them, and they’re easy to take for granted. But appreciating these moments will strengthen your relationship and deepen your love for each other.
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