We all have our moments of self-doubt, but for some, low self-esteem is a constant. Often though, these feelings are kept under wraps, hidden behind a facade that masks deeper insecurities. Here are 16 habits that might indicate someone is secretly struggling with low self-esteem.
1. Constant apologizing
If someone’s every other sentence starts with “I’m sorry,” they might be battling low self-esteem according to Forbes. It’s like they’re apologizing for their very existence. “Sorry for bothering you,” they’ll say, even when they’re just asking for the time. This habit stems from a deep-seated belief that they’re somehow always in the way or causing inconvenience.
2. Fishing for compliments
We all enjoy a good compliment, but some people turn it into a game they have to win. They might constantly put themselves down, hoping others will contradict them. “Ugh, I look terrible today,” they’ll sigh, secretly hoping you’ll say, “No way, you look great!” It’s a roundabout way of seeking validation when they can’t give it to themselves.
3. Avoiding eye contact
Eyes might be the windows to the soul, but for someone with low self-esteem, those windows often have the curtains drawn. They’ll look at the ground, the wall, their shoes—anywhere but directly at you. It’s as if they’re afraid you’ll see all of their insecurities if they meet your gaze.
4. Downplaying achievements
Did they just cure cancer? Nah, it was no big deal. Won an Oscar? Meh, probably a fluke. People with low self-esteem have a knack for minimizing their accomplishments. It’s as if acknowledging their success might jinx it, or worse, set expectations they fear they can’t meet in the future.
5. Reluctance to try new things
The fear of failure looms large for those with low self-esteem. They might avoid new experiences or challenges, sticking to what’s safe and familiar. “I couldn’t possibly learn to dance,” they’ll say, without even giving it a shot. Better to not try than to try and fail, right? (Wrong, but that’s the low self-esteem talking.)
6. Difficulty setting boundaries
“No” seems to be a foreign word in their vocabulary. People with low self-esteem struggle to set healthy boundaries, fearing that saying no might lead to rejection or disapproval. They’ll agree to plans they don’t want, and take on extra work they can’t handle, all in the name of keeping others happy.
7. Difficulty accepting compliments
It’s funny because even though they may fish for compliments, people with low self-esteem also have trouble accepting them. “Oh, this old thing?” they’ll say about the outfit you just praised, or “It was nothing” about the project they spent months on. Accepting a compliment means accepting that they’re worthy of praise—a tough pill to swallow when you’re battling low self-esteem.
8. Seeking constant reassurance
“Are you sure?” “Do you really mean that?” “You’re not just saying that, are you?” If these questions sound familiar, you might be dealing with someone with low self-esteem. They need frequent reassurance because they have trouble believing positive feedback.
9. Indecisiveness
Choosing between pasta or pizza shouldn’t feel like deciding the fate of the universe, but for someone with low self-esteem, it might. They second-guess every decision, big or small, fearing they’ll make the wrong choice. “I don’t know, what do you think?” becomes their catchphrase.
10. Negative self-talk
If their inner monologue were a movie, it’d be a non-stop tragedy. People with low self-esteem often have a constant stream of negative thoughts about themselves running through their heads. It’s like they’re carrying around a personal mini-critic who never takes a day off.
11. Holding grudges against themselves
We all make mistakes, but people with low self-esteem tend to replay their errors on a constant loop. They have trouble forgiving themselves, holding onto past mistakes as evidence of their unworthiness. It’s like they’re serving a life sentence for every minor slip-up.
12. Difficulty accepting help
Asking for help? That’s a big no-no in the low self-esteem playbook. They might see needing assistance as a sign of weakness or incompetence. “I’ve got it,” they’ll insist, even when they’re clearly struggling. Independence is mistaken for strength, even when it’s to their detriment.
13. Difficulty expressing needs or wants
Ask them what they want, and you might as well be asking them to solve world hunger. People with low self-esteem struggle to express their needs or desires, fearing they’re not worthy of having their wants met or that their needs are a burden to others.
14. Self-sabotage
According to Psych Central sometimes, low self-esteem can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. They might unconsciously sabotage their own success because deep down, they don’t believe they deserve it. It’s like they’re proving their negative self-image right, one missed opportunity at a time.
15. Oversharing or under sharing
Communication becomes a tricky dance. Some might overshare, hoping to form connections and gain approval. Others might undershare, afraid of revealing too much of themselves. Either way, it’s a sign they’re not comfortable in their own skin.
16. People-pleasing
For some, the path to self-worth is paved with the approval of others. They’ll bend over backward to make everyone happy, often at the expense of their own needs and desires. “No, you choose the restaurant,” they’ll insist, even if they’re allergic to everything on the menu. Their fear of disapproval outweighs their own preferences.
