It’s tempting to throw in the towel when things go south in a marriage. But if you’re not ready to call it quits just yet, there’s still hope. Rebuilding takes time, honesty, and a bit of patience, but it can be worth it. Here are 16 tips to help you find your way back when everything feels off-track.
1. Step Back and Take a Breather
Sometimes, hitting pause is the best thing you can do. Give yourselves a break from the blame game and all the endless debates. Taking a few days to clear your heads can bring a fresh perspective—and maybe even help you remember why you came together in the first place.
2. Ditch the Assumptions
When we’re upset, it’s easy to think we know what the other person is feeling. But that’s not true and all assumptions do is just widen the gap. Ask them open questions and actually listen to their side without jumping to conclusions. Real conversations beat guessing games any day.
3. Drop the Scorekeeping
If you’re both keeping track of every past mistake, it’s time to tear up the scoreboard altogether. Pointing fingers won’t fix anything, and it’ll only build resentment which can destroy the marriage. Let go of tallying wrongs and start focusing on building a healthier dynamic.
4. Get Real About Your Feelings
When your marriage feels off, honesty is your best bet. Skip the sugarcoating and talk about what’s really going on—even the messy, uncomfortable stuff. Being real with each other can clear the air faster than a dozen polite conversations ever could.
5. Find Common Ground—Even If It’s Tiny
Even if it feels like you’re worlds apart, there’s usually one thing you both still care about. Whether it’s your kids, a shared hobby, or simply making things work, find that common ground and let that be the springboard to reconciling. It’s a small step, but it’s a step toward reconnecting.
6. Consider Couples Therapy Before Calling It Quits
Think of therapy as a tune-up, not a last resort. A neutral third party can help you see things differently and learn better ways to communicate. A good therapist won’t just patch things up—they’ll give you the tools to deal with issues in a way that actually works.
7. Remember Your “Why”
When your relationship’s on the rocks, it’s easy to forget why you fell in love in the first place. Spend a little time reflecting on what brought you together and what dreams you once shared. Those memories can be powerful reminders of what’s still possible when you’re not busy squabbling and fighting.
8. Set New Goals Together
When you’re stuck in a rut, creating fresh goals as a couple can totally change your perspective and even energize you. It doesn’t have to be huge—maybe just commit to spending more quality time together. Whatever it is that you decide, new goals can help shift the focus from past hurts to all the exciting future possibilities.
9. Forgive and Actually Mean It
Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook. It’s about releasing old anger and making room for progress. Holding onto grudges will only keep you stuck in an endless cycle of anger. If you’re serious about moving forward, make forgiveness a part of the process—for them and for yourself.
10. Be Patient; This Will Take Time
Rebuilding a marriage isn’t a quick fix. Don’t expect things to magically improve overnight. Progress might come in baby steps, but every small win counts and it’s one step closer to restoring your happiness. So, stick with it, keep working on it, and be patient with yourselves along the way.
11. Choose Quality Time Over Quantity
Hanging out 24/7 won’t fix what’s broken. Focus instead on making the moments you do spend together count. A relaxing evening where you can just enjoy each other’s company can do wonders in comparison to forced hours spent in tense silence.
12. Work on Yourself, Too
Sometimes, saving a marriage starts with a little self-reflection. Look at your own behavior and see where you can improve, it’s important to realize that your spouse isn’t the only one at fault here. The healthier you are as alone, the stronger you’ll be as a partner. And trust us, they’ll notice the difference, too.
13. Let Go of the Need to Be Right
Winning arguments feels good in the moment, but it doesn’t do much for long-term happiness. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be right, or do I want peace?” Being right might feel satisfying for that one tiny second, but sometimes the relationship is more important than being correct.
14. Show Appreciation for the Little Things
It’s easy to zero in on everything going wrong, but taking a moment to step back and truly appreciate what they’re still doing right can go a long way. Even if it’s small—like making coffee or helping with errands—acknowledging those acts of kindness stops you from looking at them only in a negative light.
15. Don’t Skip the Physical Connection
Physical affection often fades when things get tough, but even small gestures like a hug or holding hands can help rebuild closeness. Touch helps create comfort and connection, especially during rough patches, so don’t ignore those simple moments of affection. Reach out to them physically and watch the emotional spark reignite between the two of you.
16. Remind Each Other You’re Still a Team
You’re in this together. Remind each other that you’re still a team, facing life’s challenges side by side. Just knowing they have someone by their side can bring both of you a little extra strength to face whatever’s next.
