Navigating relationships with people who exhibit narcissistic tendencies can be challenging, to say the least. While it’s important to remember that narcissism is a complex personality trait with varying degrees, certain behaviors can strain connections and leave people feeling hurt or unheard. Here are some common narcissistic tendencies that can push people away, as well as some tips on how to approach these situations with empathy.
1. They constantly seek validation and admiration.
Narcissists often crave attention and validation, and they seek constant compliments and admiration, Psych Central explains. They may fish for compliments, exaggerate their achievements, or downplay other people’s success. This constant need for external validation can be draining for those around them, leaving them feeling like their own needs and achievements are insignificant.
Try to acknowledge their achievements genuinely, but don’t feel pressured to constantly shower them with praise. Focus on building a balanced relationship where both of your needs are met.
2. They have a sense of entitlement.
Narcissists often believe they are special and deserving of preferential treatment. They may expect everyone to cater to their needs and desires without reciprocating. This sense of entitlement can lead to demanding behavior, a lack of consideration for other people, and difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.
Set clear boundaries and communicate your needs assertively. Explain how their behavior makes you feel and encourage them to consider the impact their actions have on other people.
3. They lack empathy.
One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with a narcissist is their lack of empathy. They may struggle to understand or care about other people’s feelings, often dismissing or minimizing their concerns. This lack of emotional connection can leave people feeling isolated, unsupported, and invalidated.
While it’s important to acknowledge your own feelings, try to understand their perspective as well. Explain how their actions affect you and encourage them to reflect on the impact they have on other people.
4. They are manipulative and controlling.
Narcissists may use manipulation and controlling tactics to get what they want. They may guilt-trip, gaslight, or play the victim to manipulate people into complying with their demands. This behavior can erode trust and damage relationships, leaving people feeling used and manipulated.
Recognize the signs of manipulation and don’t allow yourself to be drawn into their games. Stand your ground, assert your boundaries, and prioritize your own well-being.
5. They have a fragile ego.
Despite their outward confidence, narcissists often have a fragile ego that is easily bruised by criticism or perceived slights. They may react defensively or lash out when they feel threatened or challenged. This sensitivity to criticism can make it difficult to have open and honest communication with them.
Offer feedback constructively and focus on specific behaviors rather than attacking their character. Be prepared for defensiveness and try to de-escalate the situation with calm and rational communication.
6. They’re overly competitive.
Narcissists often have a strong desire to win and be the best at everything. They may view other people as rivals and engage in constant comparison and competition. This competitive nature can create tension and strain in relationships, making it difficult to collaborate or enjoy shared activities.
Celebrate their achievements, but don’t feel pressured to engage in their competitive games. Focus on building a supportive relationship based on mutual respect and cooperation.
7. They take everything personally.
Narcissists often interpret neutral comments or actions as personal attacks. They may react with anger, hurt, or resentment, even when there was no intention to offend. This hypersensitivity can make it difficult to have casual conversations or express differing opinions without triggering a negative reaction.
Choose your words carefully and be mindful of their sensitivity. If they misinterpret something you say, calmly clarify your intentions and reassure them that you didn’t mean to offend.
8. They find it hard to maintain healthy relationships.
Due to their self-centeredness, lack of empathy, and manipulative tendencies, narcissists often struggle to maintain healthy relationships. They may prioritize their own needs and desires over those of their loved ones, leading to conflict, resentment, and emotional distance. They may also have difficulty forming deep and meaningful connections with other people due to their inability to truly empathize and connect on an emotional level.
While it’s important to set boundaries and protect yourself, try to understand the underlying reasons for their behavior. Remember that narcissism is often a defense mechanism rooted in insecurity and fear of vulnerability. While their behavior may be hurtful, try to approach them with compassion and understanding.
9. They often deflect blame and responsibility.
Narcissists rarely take ownership of their mistakes or shortcomings. Instead, they tend to deflect blame onto other people or external circumstances. This can be frustrating for those around them, as it hinders any chance of resolving conflict or moving forward in a productive way.
When addressing issues, focus on the impact of their actions rather than accusing them of being wrong. Use “I” statements to express how their behavior affects you and encourage them to take ownership of their part in the situation.
10. They engage in one-upping and one-downing behaviors.
Narcissists may try to one-up people by constantly highlighting their own achievements or belittling other people’s accomplishments. They might also engage in one-downing behavior, playing the victim or exaggerating their struggles to gain sympathy and attention. These behaviors can create an unhealthy dynamic where people feel constantly compared and devalued.
Celebrate their achievements genuinely, but don’t feel pressured to engage in their competitive games. Instead, focus on building a supportive relationship where both of your accomplishments are valued and celebrated.
11. They have difficulty accepting feedback or criticism.
Even constructive feedback can be perceived as a personal attack by a narcissist. They may become defensive, argumentative, or dismissive when their behavior is questioned or challenged. This resistance to feedback can hinder personal growth and strain relationships, as it prevents open and honest communication.
When offering feedback, be specific, focus on observable behaviors, and avoid generalizations or personal attacks. Emphasize your desire to help them grow and improve, and offer your support in a non-judgmental way.
12. They have a tendency to gaslight and manipulate.
Per Medical News Today, gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where a narcissist denies or distorts reality to make people doubt their own perceptions and sanity. They may deny saying or doing things, blame everyone else for their own mistakes, or create false narratives to control the situation. This behavior can be extremely damaging to the victim’s mental health and well-being.
Trust your instincts and don’t allow yourself to be gaslighted. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals if you’re feeling confused or manipulated. Document any instances of gaslighting and set clear boundaries to protect yourself from further harm.
13. They may engage in love bombing and devaluation cycles.
In relationships, narcissists may initially shower their partner with love, attention, and affection (love bombing) to win them over. However, this initial phase is often followed by a period of devaluation, where they criticize, belittle, and withdraw their affection. This cycle can be emotionally exhausting and confusing for the partner, leaving them feeling trapped and unsure of where they stand.
Recognize the signs of love bombing and devaluation and don’t allow yourself to be drawn into the cycle. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals if you’re feeling confused or manipulated. Set clear boundaries and prioritize your own well-being.
14. They may use the silent treatment as a weapon.
Narcissists may employ the silent treatment as a form of punishment or control. They may withdraw their affection, communication, and support, leaving their partner feeling isolated and abandoned. This tactic can be incredibly hurtful and damaging to the relationship, as it creates an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty.
While it’s important to communicate your feelings and concerns, don’t engage in their game of silence. Focus on taking care of yourself and seek support from people you trust if needed. Remember that their silence is a reflection of their own issues, not a reflection of your worth.
15. They often lack self-awareness.
Narcissists may be unaware of the impact their behavior has on other people. They may genuinely believe that they are entitled to special treatment and that their needs should always come first. This lack of self-awareness can make it difficult to have productive conversations or resolve conflicts, as they may not see the need to change their behavior.
While it’s important to set boundaries and protect yourself, try to approach them with compassion and understanding. Remember that their behavior is often rooted in deep-seated insecurities and a fear of vulnerability. While it’s not your responsibility to fix them, you can offer your support and encourage them to seek professional help if needed.
16. They may exhibit a sense of grandiosity.
Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe they are superior to everyone around them. They may exaggerate their achievements, talents, or abilities, and feel entitled to special treatment or recognition. This grandiosity can be off-putting and alienating to other people, as it can come across as arrogant, boastful, or even delusional.
While it’s important to acknowledge their achievements, avoid feeding into their grandiosity by constantly showering them with praise or validating their inflated sense of self. Instead, focus on building a balanced relationship based on mutual respect and genuine connection.