Compatibility is a bitch—it takes a while to figure out because it isn’t always immediately obvious. There are some ways to speed up the process, though, like asking the right questions. These questions won’t totally determine your compatibility, but they’ll move you along on your path to figuring it out.
What’re you looking for in dating?
Perhaps the most important question—this one helps understand if you’re on the same page with what you’re looking for. It’s not going to be very helpful if they’re just looking for something casual while you’re looking for a relationship. Asking this will help you find out.
Do you like scary movies?
According to OkCupid, having compatibility about scary movies is wildly indicative of relationship success. OkC used data from their site to find that: “Successful couples agree on that question about 75 percent of the time.” Who knew spooky stuff was so important?
What are some deal breakers you have?
Deal breakers are such an important topic. They’re what people’s boundaries are and where their needs are most important. It’s hard to learn what dealbreakers are and once people know, they often stick to them. Learning what they are right off of the bat can prevent pain down the road.
Are you friends with any of your exes?
It’ll be interesting to hear his policy on this one. Maybe it’s important to you that your partner doesn’t have exes in his life. Maybe you don’t care because you have them in yours. Regardless, it’s a good question to ask.
What would you define as cheating?
Have you heard of emotional cheating? It’s when you’re having a deeply intimate relationship with someone outside of your partner, but it’s not physical. Some people think this is cheating, some people don’t. You can learn what they characterize as cheating.
Do you plan on moving at some point?
There’s nothing like falling for someone, then finding out they’re moving far away. It’s not even worth falling in the first place, so it’s good to ask if they plan on moving soon. If it’s further down the line it’s more negotiable for you. It depends on if you’re open to moving.
Do you follow your head or your heart more?
You’ll learn a lot about someone from asking this question. You’ll learn if their intuition is important to them or if they tackle life with logic. Perhaps they’re a mix of both. It’s not necessarily a deal breaker if you’re different here, it’s just more information.
How would your best friends describe you?
It’s always interesting to hear what people’s friends say about them. It’s usually brighter than the own person’s description and there may be a quirk in there that you didn’t know about. You may just learn a thing or two from asking this question.
What are you grateful for?
This one will just give you a peek into the good aspects of your crushes’ life. You get to learn what warms their heart and makes them smile. It’s not all about looking at the tough stuff. It’s also about looking at the good stuff.
What’s one thing you’d like to change about yourself?
We all have areas of growth. It’ll be interesting to hear about your crushes’. You can learn about what they perceive as flaws or downfalls and how they’d improve those if they could.
How do you feel about online dating?
Not a necessary question, but a fun one. So many people have a lot of opinions on online dating. They have feelings and experiences with it, too. You may hear some interesting stories and thoughts about how they feel.
If you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship, what’d you learn?
First of all, you’ll find out if they’ve ever been in a toxic relationship. Second and more importantly, you’ll find out how they’ve grown from their experience. Perhaps that toxic relationship made them into a better person afterward.
What would change in your life if you were told you only have one year to live?
This is a question that is one of the heavier ones. Only ask it if it feels appropriate. If you do ask, you can hear about what’s important to the person and what’s not so important.
Do you think it’s necessary to speak to your partner every day?
If you’re someone who needs a ton of contact you’re going to want to figure out if your partner’s also that way. Same goes for if you like minimal contact, you’re going to want to see if your partner is okay with that. This question is a building block for good communication.
Is spirituality important to you?
I know, talking about spirituality can be totally loaded. If you have the courage to ask this question, just make sure you have the bravery to hear the response. These sort of questions are ones that are make or break it for couples where spirituality is important to someone.
Do you like to go out or stay in on weekends?
One of the more important questions, this one will tell you how compatible your lifestyles are. If you’re someone who never goes out, but your crush is someone who regularly goes out, you’re not going to be a good match. It’s best to learn this right away.
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