Have people ever told you you were unapproachable, mysterious, or hard to pin down? Then this article is for you. For all the guys and gals who have struggled with not being approached, kept at arm’s length, or otherwise misunderstood by those around us, we have some unintentional (or intentional) habits to blame. Read on to see some of the most pertinent reasons why people can’t quite figure you out.
1. You’re stoic or reserved.
If people are having trouble getting to know you, it could be that your general demeanor when interacting can make you seem inaccessible. If you appear calm, perhaps pensive, or like you don’t want to be bothered, people will likely read these subconscious clues and steer clear.
2. You keep your personal feelings private.
We’re all guilty of replying with a simple “fine” when our friends or family ask us how we are doing. But you may not realize that not sharing your feelings with people can make it harder for them to understand you. Our feelings are the core of who we are, and people can’t access the real you unless you’re willing to show them. Vulnerability is everything.
3. You aren’t involved with the community.
Think about the person in class who never answered questions or talked with classmates. Or what about that person in your office who eats lunch alone in their car? These people are not involved with their community and don’t seem to want to be. That can be a big deterrent for people who are trying to get to know them.
4. Your opinions are all over the place.
Another aspect of being hard to read is having diverse opinions and perspectives. Usually, we’re influenced by our upbringing and environment, which can tell others a lot about our lives and personalities. However, when you have a wide net of influences, it can be harder to pin down your exact background or personality type, making you more complicated to understand.
5. You don’t share details about your life.
Even if you have good reasons to keep your dating, family, or personal lives to yourself, it can make it really difficult for others to understand you. That’s because the details of our lives and the things we enjoy doing are a big indicator of what type of person we are, what we value, and how we operate.
6. You have a hard time expressing yourself.
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When people don’t have answers to who you are, they’re more likely to make assumptions some of which may be worse than the truth. It’s more beneficial to be the official source of all things you—that way, you can represent yourself authentically. If you struggle with telling others details about yourself, taking small steps to get better can be super helpful in people understanding you better.
7. You’re not active on social media.
How you use social media can say a lot about who you are and what you do with your time. Sure, not posting means no one will see your cringe photos from high school, but they also might never get to see you graduate college, or celebrate your anniversary. We’re not saying you have to post a ton to be less mysterious, but we will say that someone with no social media in this day and age does raise some questions.
8. You don’t speak out unless you have to.
Plato said, “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools speak because they have to say something.” In an online space overcrowded with people sharing their opinions about everything, there is a quiet power in choosing to listen and speak only when needed. Doing this can make you seem cool, intelligent, and mysterious.
9. You avoid emotional vulnerability.
If the idea of crying in front of someone sends chills down your spine, you probably have difficulty with emotional vulnerability. And that probably means that people don’t understand you. After all, vulnerability is all about bringing down our walls and letting all of our ugly hang out. When you’re uncomfortable with that, it can make you seem cold and unapproachable.
10. You may not have the same perspective as your peers.
Certain perspectives are harder to empathize with or understand because their origin is so different from ours. They might even be out of our comfort zone. If you’re an innovator or someone who is more mature than your peers, you are more likely to be misunderstood. Nothing to sweat, however; they’re just not on your level.
11. You don’t emote.
By now, you’ve probably heard of resting-bitch-face, or RBF. Sometimes, when we’re out and about, just living our lives, we forget to smile or plaster on a more pleasant face. That’s okay! There’s no obligation to be friendly all the time, but it is probably a factor in why people don’t approach or understand you. Remember: Facial cues are among the top ways people non-verbally communicate.
12. You work better alone.
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but loners unnecessarily get a bad rep. Loners are not mean, rude, or selfish; they’re likely just introverted, which doesn’t mean they don’t have great qualities. Still, to explain why people might not get you, keeping to yourself might be one of the reasons.
13. You’re spontaneous.
It’s human nature to ask why. When you randomly go out to dinner at that new restaurant alone or take a walk in the rain or some other mysterious thing, people might look at you and wonder what inspired the decision. Couple this with not being as willing to share details about yourself, and you end up with a formula that makes you seem impossible to figure out.
14. You have an aura of confidence that is unshakable.
Confidence is sexy and often is cultivated from an internal place. However, confidence in yourself and your actions can actually make you seem more mysterious. We usually look for people’s flaws as an easy way to relate to them, and when you seemingly have none, people can struggle to find a way to connect.
15. You may not have many friends.
When people can’t access you, they look to those closest to you to get a glimpse of what type of person you are. If you keep a tight circle or avoid having your friendships in public spaces, you might further lock people out from seeing who you are.
16. You’re unique and aren’t afraid of trying new things.
Unique people are often misunderstood and have been since the dawn of time. With their willingness to try new, potentially unpopular avenues of expression and their variety of exciting reference points, it can be hard to track down the origin of these eccentrics. If you count yourself among them, people are likely to struggle to synthesize all that you’ve got going on. However, this isn’t an entirely bad thing, as being true to yourself will always have value.
17. Fed up with feeling alone? Attract love by changing your mindset.
With our sister site Sweetn‘s simple quiz and mind tools, love is closer than you think. They’ll give you the tools and skills you need to transform the way you date and shift your energy to help you find lasting love. It only takes a few minutes to get started, so check it out here.
