Cunning and manipulative people can be hard to spot at first. They often come across as charming, helpful, or just really caring. But beneath that friendly surface, they’re working to control and deceive, always with their own agenda in mind. Whether it’s in relationships, friendships, or at work, these people know how to pull strings behind the scenes. Here are 16 signs someone might be manipulative, so you can catch on before they take advantage of you.
1. They Twist Facts to Fit Their Story
Ever notice how some people seem to spin every story to make themselves look good? Manipulators love to do this. They’ll take bits of the truth and bend them until the whole situation works in their favor. It’s subtle, but over time, you’ll start to realize their version of events doesn’t always add up. They’re experts at making it seem like you misunderstood or missed something important.
2. They Make You Feel Guilty for No Reason
Cunning people know how to make you feel guilty, even when you haven’t done anything wrong. Maybe they’ll say things like, “After all I’ve done for you…” or “I guess I’m just not that important to you.” Suddenly, you’re second-guessing yourself and feeling bad for something that wasn’t even your fault. This guilt-tripping is a manipulator’s favorite tool to keep control because you end up doing things to make them happy.
3. They’re Always the Victim
No matter what happens, they always find a way to make themselves the victim. It doesn’t matter if they were in the wrong—they’ll twist the story so it looks like life (or other people) is unfair to them. They want you to feel sorry for them because it makes it easier for them to manipulate people’s sympathy and avoid taking responsibility for their bad behavior.
4. They Flatter You When They Want Something
Watch out for people who pour on compliments right before they ask for a favor. They’ll make you feel great—telling you how smart, kind, or capable you are—but it’s all part of their game. Once they’ve buttered you up, they’ll ask for something, whether it’s your time, money, or support. The flattery is just a tool to make you more likely to say yes.
5. They Make You Question Your Reality (Gaslighting)
One of the worst tactics manipulators use is gaslighting, where they make you doubt your own memory or perception. They’ll say things like, “I never said that,” or “You’re remembering it wrong,” even when you’re sure you’re right. This is an awful tactic that can make you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality and force you to rely on them more and more.
6. They Keep Information from You
Manipulative people know that knowledge is power, so they’ll often withhold important details from you to keep the upper hand. Maybe they’ll leave out key facts or tell you things at the last minute. By keeping you in the dark, they stay in control of the situation. You end up relying on them for information, which gives them even more power over you.
7. They Create Chaos and Confusion on Purpose
If you always feel a little off-balance around someone—like things are never quite clear—be aware that they might be doing it on purpose. Manipulators thrive on creating chaos because it makes it easier for them to stay in control. They’ll give you conflicting information, change their story, or constantly shift the rules because they want to keep you as confused as possible.
8. They Pit People Against Each Other
Cunning people love to stir the pot. They’ll tell one person one thing and another something completely different to create tension between people while they stay perched high above the drama themselves. When everyone else is divided and distracted, they pull the strings behind the scenes. If you notice someone who’s always the common denominator of misunderstandings but never seems to get blamed, this could be why.
9. They Use Emotional Blackmail
Emotional blackmail is when someone makes you feel bad for not doing what they want. Manipulators might say things like, “If you really cared about me, you’d do this,” or “I thought you were someone I could count on.” It’s more subtle than outright threats because they’re using your emotions to control your actions and make you feel like you owe them.
10. They Lie or Exaggerate to Make Themselves Look Better
Cunning people often lie or stretch the truth to boost their own image. Maybe they’ll exaggerate their achievements or twist a story to make themselves look like the hero or the victim. How others see them is extremely important to their self-image, and they’ll keep up the act as long as it serves them.
11. They Use the Silent Treatment as Punishment
If someone suddenly stops talking to you without explanation, especially after you’ve done something they didn’t like, they might be using the silent treatment to manipulate you. This passive-aggressive tactic, called stonewalling, is used to punish you because they want you to feel anxious or guilty enough to chase after them, apologize, and put them back in control of the relationship.
12. They Pretend to Care—But Only When It Benefits Them
Manipulators often pretend to be concerned about your well-being, but it’s really just a cover for controlling your actions. They might say things like, “I’m only telling you this because I care about you,” or “I’m just looking out for you.” While it sounds supportive, their real goal is to get you to do things their way.
13. They Never Take Responsibility for Their Mistakes
When confronted with their bad behavior, manipulative people will always find a way to dodge responsibility. They’ll make excuses, blame others, or even twist the situation to make you feel like you’re the one at fault. They’re lifelong experts at deflecting blame, and no matter what happens, it’s never their fault.
14. They Test and Push Your Boundaries
When you first meet a manipulative person, they’ll often start by testing your boundaries in small ways, seeing what they can get away with. Over time, they’ll push those boundaries further and further until you’re doing things you never thought you’d agree to. By the time you realize how much they’ve overstepped, they’ve already normalized their bad behavior.
15. They Offer Help—but There’s Always a Catch
At first glance, manipulators may seem incredibly helpful. They’ll offer to help you out or do you favors, but be warned, there’s always something in it for them. After doing you a favor, they’ll remind you of what they did and make you feel like you owe them.
16. They Use Charm to Get Their Way
Manipulators can be incredibly charming. They know how to make people feel special, understood, and appreciated. But once they’ve won you over, that charm starts to be used to get what they want from you. By the time you realize what’s happening, you might already be under their spell.
