You know that feeling when your relationship has been through so many storms that you’re just… tired? Not the kind of tired that a good night’s sleep can fix, but the bone-deep exhaustion that comes from emotional marathons. If you’ve been wondering whether what you’re feeling is normal relationship ups and downs or something more serious, here are some signs that might hit close to home.
1. You Feel Physically Exhausted No Matter How Much You Sleep
This isn’t your regular “I need another cup of coffee” tired—this is the kind that sleep can’t seem to touch. Your body’s basically keeping a running tab of all that emotional stress, and it’s sending you the bill in the form of constant fatigue. You might find yourself nodding off at work, needing naps just to get through the day, or waking up feeling like you never slept at all. The wild part is how this exhaustion seems to get worse when you know your partner is about to come home or when you’re about to have “another talk.”
2. Simple Decisions Feel Overwhelming
Choosing what to make for dinner suddenly feels like you’re deciding the fate of the universe. Your brain feels so fried from the big relationship stuff that even tiny decisions become paralyzingly difficult. You might find yourself standing in the grocery store, completely overwhelmed by the cereal options, or unable to decide what to wear in the morning. It’s like your decision-making muscles are completely worn out from constantly navigating your marriage.
3. You’re Always on Edge
Your nervous system is stuck on high alert, like a security guard who never gets to take a break. You jump at small noises, get startled easily, and feel your heart racing at the sound of your partner’s key in the door. Every text notification or phone call makes you tense up, wondering what new crisis is about to unfold. Your friends might have noticed you’re more jumpy than usual, but you brush it off as being “a little stressed.”
4. Small Disagreements Feel Like Major Battles
Remember when you could have a difference of opinion about what to watch on Netflix without it turning into World War III? These days, even the tiniest disagreements feel like they’re loaded with years of unresolved tension. You find yourself gearing up for battle over things like whose turn it is to do the dishes or what to have for dinner. It’s like every conversation is walking through an emotional minefield, where one wrong step could trigger another explosion.
5. You’ve Developed Physical Symptoms
Your body’s sending you SOS signals in the form of headaches, stomach issues, or that mysterious eye twitch that shows up right before your partner wants to “discuss” something. These aren’t just random health hiccups—they’re your body’s way of saying “Hey, all this stress is really doing a number on me!” You might notice your blood pressure’s up, your appetite’s all over the place, or you’re getting sick more often than usual. Sometimes these symptoms magically improve when your partner’s away on a business trip (funny how that works, right?).
6. You’ve Lost Interest in Things You Used to Love
Those hobbies that used to light you up? They’re collecting dust along with your enthusiasm for, well, pretty much everything. It’s not just about not having time—it’s like your emotional energy bank account is permanently overdrawn. You can’t seem to muster up excitement for things that used to bring you joy, whether it’s your weekly book club, hitting the gym, or catching up with friends. Even planning fun activities feels like another item on your endless to-do list.
7. You Dread Coming Home
The place that should feel like your sanctuary has started feeling more like a pressure cooker. You find yourself taking the long way home, sitting in your car for “just five more minutes,” or volunteering for late shifts at work. That knot in your stomach gets tighter as you get closer to your front door, and you can feel your anxiety rising with each step. Sometimes you even envy your single friends, despite knowing their lives aren’t perfect either.
8. Your Self-Care Has Gone Out the Window
Looking after yourself feels like a distant memory like those jeans from college you keep meaning to fit into again. Basic things like eating well, exercising, or even just taking a relaxing shower have become afterthoughts in the chaos of your marriage. You might find yourself stress-eating, skipping meals altogether, or forgetting the last time you did something purely because it made you feel good. Your friends might have noticed and started making comments about how you’re “letting yourself go.”
9. You’ve Become a Different Person Around Your Partner
It’s like you’re playing a role in a very exhausting play, where you have to watch every word and gesture. The person you are around friends or at work feels completely different from the walking-on-eggshells version of yourself at home. You catch yourself second-guessing everything you say or do, trying to avoid another argument or tense situation. Sometimes you look in the mirror and barely recognize the person staring back at you.
10. You’ve Started Having Health Anxiety
Every little ache or pain sends your mind spiraling into worst-case scenarios. The constant stress has made you hyper-aware of your body, but not in a good way. You find yourself Googling symptoms at 3 AM, convinced that headache must be something serious. The irony is that this anxiety about your health probably isn’t helping your actual health at all.
11. Your Memory Is Shot
Remembering simple things has become surprisingly difficult like your brain’s RAM is constantly overloaded. You might find yourself forgetting appointments, losing your train of thought mid-sentence, or walking into rooms with no idea why you went there. Your phone is full of reminders for basic tasks that you used to handle easily. It’s like the mental energy spent on your marriage has taken up all the available space in your brain.
12. You’ve Developed Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Maybe you’ve noticed you’re pouring that glass of wine a little earlier each day, or shopping online has become your go-to stress relief. Your ways of dealing with the tension might not be the healthiest, but they feel like lifelines in the moment. You might find yourself binge-watching shows until 3 AM just to avoid going to bed at the same time as your partner. These coping mechanisms are like Band-Aids on a much bigger wound.
13. You Feel Emotionally Numb
It’s like someone turned down the volume on your feelings—both good and bad. Things that used to make you cry now barely register, and moments that should bring joy feel flat and gray. You might catch yourself responding to emotional situations with an eerie calmness that even surprises you. Sometimes you wonder if your emotional fuses have just blown from too many overloads.
14. Your Friends Have Started Making Comments
The people who know you best have started dropping hints about how different you seem lately. They might mention that your spark is gone, or they miss the “old you.” You find yourself making excuses for why you can’t hang out, partly because you don’t have the energy, and partly because you’re tired of deflecting their concerned looks. Some might have even started gently suggesting therapy or asking if everything’s okay at home.
15. You’ve Started Fantasizing About Escape
Your daydreams increasingly feature scenarios of just… leaving. Maybe you catch yourself browsing apartments in other cities, or imagining what life would be like if you just started over somewhere new. These aren’t necessarily serious plans, but they’re like mental escape hatches that give you a momentary sense of relief. You might even have a “go bag” packed, just in case, though you tell yourself it’s just for emergencies.
16. You Can’t Remember the Last Time You Felt Truly Happy
When someone asks about the last time you felt genuine joy in your marriage, you have to think way too hard to come up with an answer. The good moments feel like they’re from another lifetime, viewed through a fog of exhaustion and resentment. You might still be going through the motions of date nights or special occasions, but the spark that used to make them special seems to have fizzled out completely.
