16 Signs You’ve Been Single For Way Too Long

Real talk: being single is absolutely amazing. Sure, you have moments (mainly around family holidays) when you long for someone to call your own so no one asks when you’re popping out a grand baby or attempts to set you up with someone else who’s kind of around your age. But if you’re over late night hookups and aren’t feeling app dating, options can sometimes be limiting… which means that at times it feels like you’ve been single for 100 years.

  1. You have no interest in sharing your bed with anything other than your laptop. Cuddling is great in theory, but in reality you’re kind of smooshed and wake up with someone raring for round two. You would much rather share your bed with Netflix, who loves you unconditionally and is always available. Plus, you’re pretty sure a significant other would not be done with the enormous starfish you become in the middle of the night.
  2. You’ve stopped swiping. Maybe it was the debilitating winter, or maybe you’re just over a series of first dates that seem to go nowhere fast. Whatever it is, you’re content spending time with your best friends, instead of searching for a random dude.
  3. You don’t try. You’ve stopped wearing cute sundresses and you leave your house *gasp* without makeup on. Putting effort in just seems like so much work, especially when you’re not trying to impress anybody. Normcore is your new way of life.
  4. When your friends complain about dudes, you kind of tune them out. There are only so many times you can hear about failed OKCupid dates without immediately eye rolling.
  5. You automatically assume that meeting someone is pointless. It just seems like first dates always end in either disaster or an impromptu ghosting. The angst you feel when you have one coming up is unparalleled.
  6. No one even asks who you’re dating anymore. Your friends don’t inquire about who you’re seeing, your family has all but given up on you, and even your manicurist no longer asks if you have a boyfriend. It’s official — you’re a lost cause. Better get some cats and call it a day.
  7. Engagement announcements no longer bother you. When the engagement announcements first started rolling in on Facebook, you rolled your eyes a la Erin Andrews. Now, you actually don’t care who’s getting married, because you’re long past the point of keeping up.
  8. Purchasing a pet seems like a real option. Dogs are just as much work as boyfriends, and they’re a whole lot cuter. You’re not *quite* ready to turn into a cat lady and call it a day, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t considered your options.
  9. You’re actually over your exes. While they used to haunt you, you can now comfortably scroll past their Instagram posts without having an entire flashback of your life together. You’re not about to download Lulu and relive everything, but that doesn’t mean you’re not (mostly) over it.
  10. Admit it — you don’t really want to make compromises. You want to go exactly where you want to for dinner, you want to spend the weekend out with your friends, and you don’t feel like reporting to someone so they know where you are every second of the day. Sure, it would guarantee that your life doesn’t turn into a Law & Order: SVU episode, but your pink pepper spray also helps with that.
  11. Eating in bed isn’t exactly adorable. It’s an unfortunate but true fact that you now take most of your meals in bed, and not because someone’s serving you.
  12. PDA is disgusting. Now that the long winter is over, everyone’s holding hands again and totally grossing you out. You know that in the past you’ve been there before, equally squicking people out with impromptu MOs, but you’d like to think you weren’t quite as sloppy about it.
  13. You have every single dating app on your phone (just in case). I mean, you never know where you’re actually going to meet that special someone. Unfortunately, this leads to swiping over the same guys over and over and wondering where exactly you saw them before.
  14. You definitely don’t dress for dudes. When you do get dressed up, you’re basically channeling the Man Repeller. While that means your fashion choices are on fleek, guys don’t necessarily understand any of them. Whether it’s red lipstick that’s guaranteed to get everywhere if you even think about kissing someone or the beat up Vans you just walked by a guy wearing, fashion is all for you.
  15. You’ve given up on meet-cutes. Everyone you know either met online or while wasted, which means you’ve (almost) stopped fantasizing about the adorable meet-cute of your dreams.
Margaret is a freelance writer who covers pop culture and fashion in New York City and currently writes for Page Six's Style section. Her work has been featured in Teen Vogue, xoJane, and Racked. She tweets about her crippling caffeine addiction and teen TV obsession here: @margaretabrams