Friendship should feel like a safe, supportive space—but sometimes, certain habits make someone a lot less reliable than they seem. The tricky part is that many of these behaviors fly under the radar, disguised as quirks or personality traits rather than red flags. If you have ever felt like a friendship is more draining than fulfilling, these habits might explain why.
1. They Never Text First, And Then Act Annoyed When They Don’t Hear From You
Friendships should be a two-way street, but some people seem to think that keeping in touch is your responsibility alone. They never text first, rarely check in, and if you decide to stop reaching out, they act like you are the one who disappeared. Suddenly, they are annoyed or distant, complaining that they “haven’t heard from you in forever” while ignoring the fact that their phone works just as well as yours. According to ReGain, a platform for relationship counseling, consistently one-sided communication patterns often indicate an imbalance that can damage self-worth over time.
A strong friendship does not require constant communication, but it does require effort from both sides. If someone always waits for you to initiate contact, it might be time to test what happens if you stop. If they truly care, they will reach out too. If they don’t, you have your answer.
2. They Tell Personal Stories About You To New People Like They’re Fun Anecdotes
Trust is the foundation of any friendship, and that includes knowing your personal stories won’t be used as casual entertainment. But some people love being the storyteller—so much so that they forget they are sharing your life, not theirs. Whether it’s an embarrassing moment, a secret you confided in them, or a sensitive part of your past, they casually drop it into conversation for a laugh or to make themselves look interesting. Alisoun Mackenzie, a personal development coach, emphasizes that casual oversharing of private information violates fundamental friendship boundaries and requires direct conversations to repair.
If you have ever had that moment where you hear your own life being retold like it’s someone else’s icebreaker story, you know how violating it feels. A real friend respects your privacy. If someone constantly overshares your business, set a boundary. Tell them, directly, that your personal life is not a conversation starter for strangers.
3. They Always Bring Their Partner Along Like An Awkward Third-Wheel
It’s natural for friendships to evolve when someone gets into a relationship, but a sign of a bad friend is when they start treating you like a plus-one to their love life. Every hangout becomes a group outing, every deep conversation includes their partner’s commentary, and suddenly, you are never just hanging out with them—you are hanging out with their relationship. Yourtango notes that healthy friendships maintain space for one-on-one interactions rather than constant group dynamics with partners.
While it’s great when friends introduce their significant others, constantly bringing them along changes the dynamic. It signals that they are no longer prioritizing your friendship as a space for just the two of you. If this keeps happening, don’t be afraid to say, “Hey, I’d love to catch up one-on-one sometime.” A true friend will understand the need for balance.
4. They Let You Pay For Everything And Never Offer Themselves
There’s a difference between a friend who forgets their wallet once in a while and a friend who treats you like a walking ATM. Some people have a way of always being “short on cash,” conveniently forgetting to Venmo you back, or acting oblivious to the fact that you are constantly covering for them. They never insist on paying next time, never suggest splitting things fairly, and worst of all, never seem to feel guilty about it. According to a Yahoo! Life article, financial etiquette specialists recommend setting clear expectations about splitting costs early to avoid resentment in unequal friendships.
Friendships aren’t about keeping financial score, but they should be about mutual respect. If someone expects you to foot the bill every time without even acknowledging it, they aren’t just bad with money—they are bad with friendship. If this is a pattern, bring it up. A real friend will want to be fair.
5. They Expect You To Drop Everything When They Reach Out With Plans
Some friends only seem to acknowledge your schedule when it suits them. They text you last minute, expecting you to be free, and if you are not, they act disappointed or even annoyed. Meanwhile, when you try to make plans in advance, they are suddenly too busy, too tired, or just “not sure yet.”
Friendships should not be dictated by one person’s availability. If someone repeatedly expects you to accommodate them without ever adjusting for you, set a boundary. Let them know that your time matters too, and if they can’t respect that, they might not be as good of a friend as you thought.
6. They Casually Drop Mean Comments About Your Appearance, Then Call It “Honesty”
Some people have a way of disguising insults as honesty. They might comment on your weight, your outfit, or your hair with a tone that suggests they are doing you a favor. “I’m just being real with you,” they’ll say, as if their unsolicited opinion is something you should be grateful for.
Here’s the thing—honesty and rudeness are not the same thing. A friend who makes you feel self-conscious under the guise of being “real” is just being hurtful. Real friends uplift, not nitpick. If someone’s comments consistently make you feel worse, don’t brush it off. Call it what it is: unnecessary and unkind.
7. They Get Annoyed Over You Having Other Close Friends
Friendships aren’t meant to be exclusive, but some people act like they own your time and attention. If they find out you hung out with someone else, they get weirdly passive-aggressive or make sarcastic remarks about being replaced. Instead of being happy that you have other meaningful connections, they take it as a personal offense.
A real friend does not treat you like a possession. Healthy friendships allow room for multiple connections without jealousy or guilt-tripping. If someone constantly makes you feel bad for spending time with other people, that’s not friendship—it’s control.
8. They Let Boy Talk Take Over Every Conversation
Relationships are a big part of life, but when a friend can only talk about their latest crush, boyfriend drama, or dating dilemmas, it can start to feel exhausting. Every conversation circles back to them and their romantic life, and when you try to talk about anything else, they barely listen.
It’s great to be there for your friends, but friendship should not be one-sided therapy sessions. If every conversation is dominated by their love life, try shifting the topic. If they still can’t engage in anything outside of their relationship, it might be time to spend less energy on them.
9. They Only Ever Respond With “Haha” When You Vent
Venting to a friend should feel validating, not like you’re talking to a brick wall. If every time you express frustration, share a personal struggle, or even just open up about your feelings, their only response is a dry “haha” or a vague “that sucks,” it’s a sign they aren’t invested in the conversation.
Friendship is about support. While no one can be emotionally available 24/7, a friend who consistently brushes off serious conversations with minimal effort isn’t being a good friend. If they don’t engage when you need them, ask yourself if you’d be better off confiding in someone who does.
10. They Disappear For Weeks And Then Act Like Nothing Happened
Everyone gets busy, but some friends take disappearing to an extreme. They go silent for weeks, ignore messages, and vanish from your life without explanation—only to suddenly reappear acting like nothing happened. While space is normal in friendships, completely going off the radar without any acknowledgment shows a lack of respect for the relationship.
If someone keeps doing this, consider whether they truly value the friendship. A simple “Hey, I’ve been busy, but I miss you!” goes a long way. If they can’t even do that, you might be investing in someone who doesn’t value consistency.
11. They Only Reach Out When They Need to Vent
Some friends seem to disappear until their life falls apart. When everything is going fine, they are nowhere to be found, but the moment they need emotional support, they are in your inbox with a novel-length message about their latest crisis. It’s not that you mind being there for them, but after a while, you realize that the friendship only exists when they need something.
A healthy friendship is built on mutual care and consistency, not just emotional dumping. If someone only reaches out when they are struggling but never checks in on you, it’s time to take a step back. Real friends don’t just use each other for support—they show up, even when things are going well.
12. They Constantly Flake on Plans, But Are Unforgiving When You Reschedule

Everyone cancels plans sometimes—it happens. But when one person is constantly the flaker, it starts to feel less like an accident and more like a pattern. Maybe they always have a last-minute excuse, act like plans were never that serious, or even worse, cancel without telling you at all. Yet, the moment *you* need to reschedule, they act personally offended.
Friendship is about reliability. If someone expects flexibility from you but refuses to offer the same in return, it’s a red flag. You deserve to have friends who respect your time, not ones who act like theirs is more important than yours.
13. They “Jokingly” Roast Their Friends, But It’s Really Just Bullying

Good-natured teasing can be fun, but some people take it way too far. They make sarcastic jabs at your insecurities, call you embarrassing nicknames, or bring up private things you told them just to get a laugh. If you call them out, they act like you’re being too sensitive, saying, “Relax, it’s just a joke!”—but somehow, the joke always seems to be at your expense.
A real friend knows the difference between playful teasing and making someone feel bad. If you constantly feel like you’re being mocked instead of included, trust that instinct. A friend who tears you down for laughs isn’t actually funny—they’re just mean.
14. They Can Post On Their Instagram Story But Never Bother to Text Back
We all get busy, and sometimes texts get forgotten. But when someone consistently ignores your messages yet has plenty of time to post on social media, it’s clear that staying connected isn’t a priority for them. It’s frustrating when you’re waiting for a reply, only to see them actively engaging with other people online.
The truth is, responding to a text takes seconds. If someone repeatedly “forgets” to text back but can still be active online, they’re showing you where you rank in their priorities. A real friend makes time for you, even in small ways.
15. They Become Cold And Distant When Their Friends Start Succeeding

Supportive friendships celebrate each other’s wins, but some people seem to disappear when things start going well for you. Instead of congratulating you on a promotion, a new relationship, or personal growth, they either go silent or act dismissive. Sometimes, they even try to subtly undermine your accomplishments, making comments like, “Must be nice,” or “Wow, I wish I had that kind of luck.”
Friendship shouldn’t feel like a competition. If someone can’t be happy for you without comparing their life to yours, that’s their insecurity, not yours. Real friends cheer each other on—if someone gets distant when you succeed, it might be time to distance yourself from them.
16. They Never Acknowledge When They’ve Hurt Someone
Everyone messes up sometimes. What matters is how they handle it. A bad friend avoids accountability, dodges tough conversations, and waits for things to “blow over” rather than making an effort to apologize. Instead of owning their actions, they act like nothing happened, hoping you’ll just move on without addressing the issue.
Apologies are not about guilt—they are about repairing relationships. A good friend listens, acknowledges when they have hurt you, and makes an effort to do better. If someone refuses to take responsibility, it shows they value their own comfort over your feelings. Friendships need trust, and trust requires accountability.