16 Things Your Best Friend Will Never Judge You For

16 Things Your Best Friend Will Never Judge You For

I’ve had the same BFF since we were in fourth grade. That means we’ve been friends for coming up on 25 years or so and in that time, we’ve obviously been through a lot. Although we’re very different people in a lot of ways ― she married rich, has two kids, and lives in Tribeca while I married poor, don’t care for kids, and live in the East Village ― we’re quite identical in others. There’s nothing we don’t share with each other, because we know that there’s nothing we’d ever judge each other for ― well, except for that one time she thought a urinal cake was soap, but I digress.

If you have best friend, you know what I’m saying. Here are 17 things your best friend will never judge you for.

  1. Backing out of plans last minute. She gets that sometimes you need to stay in bed well past noon. She doesn’t judge you for it or even get mad.
  2. Telling her you farted during sex. It happens! And your best friend isn’t just the only person who won’t judge you, but she’s probably the only person you can tell, too.
  3. Judging others for being not like you. Actually she judges others for not being like you, too.
  4. Eating a whole pizza in one sitting. She’ll even high-five you for it.
  5. Dating a douchebag simply because he has a big penis. She gets that sometimes one of the biggest tragedies in life is that awesome penises are attached to horrendous human beings.
  6. Still crying over your ex three years after the fact. It’s hard to judge you when you’re wailing on the floor over the guy who not only dumped you on your birthday, but also sold your synthesizer that one time for a case of PBR. I mean, that would just be cruel.
  7. Maxing out your credit card at Forever 21. While you may be judging yourself for it (as you should – you’re 30), she never will.
  8. Your insanely bad dance moves. In fact, she genuinely embraces just how much your bad dance moves make her bad dance moves look awesome.
  9. Getting drunk and throwing up on her. Well, it was her idea to go for another round of shots, after all.
  10. Needing to borrow money. When it comes to money people judge and judge harshly, but your BFF is never going to judge you if you need a couple hundred bucks – to pay off your credit card after your Forever 21 binge. However, it doesn’t mean she’ll give it to you.
  11. Your weird single habits that only she knows about. Because squeezing your pores while watching reruns of Law and Order should actually be considered a national past time.
  12. Not showering for a week. Although, she will definitely tell you that you stink. But that’s what friends are for.
  13. You’re really creepy uncle who says things he shouldn’t. Your best friend doesn’t judge your family at all; not even Uncle Tony and that weird joke he made that time about that thing you’re trying to totally block out from your memory.
  14. Drunk texting every guy in your phone at 4AM. Stuff happens. Oh, and sometimes you just need to get laid.
  15. Showing up late to every party she has. She been dealing with it for over a decade now, so she’s not about to start judging even if it does annoy the hell out of her.
  16. “Accidentally” hooking up with her brother that one time. Well, obviously you have amazing taste if you wanted to get with someone in her family.
Amanda is a writer who divides her time between NYC and Paris. She's a regular contributor to Bustle, Glamour, Mic, and Livingly. Other bylines include: Harper's Bazaar, YourTango, The Atlantic, Forbes, YouBeauty, Huffington Post, The Frisky, and BlackBook.