16 Things A Frenemy Says That Prove She’s Totally Toxic

A frenemy wasn’t always your enemy—once, she was your friend, perhaps even your best friend. She still might be, which makes it hard to spot her. If you need some help, look out for the one who says these 16 things:

  1. “So you really think you can do it?” You express an exciting business idea or goal with your friend, and instead of being supportive, she asks you questions that make you doubt yourself. You can tell from her tone that she’s really undermining your decision, not being supportive at all.
  2. “You’re my bestie!” It’s cool when a friend puts a label on your friendship, but the frenemy will sing your praises and call you her best friend when she’s just met you and barely knows you. She pours on the love and attention. It’s a bit like love bombing, actually, and insincere AF.
  3. “Chill—I was just kidding.” You know how douchebags like to neg you? Well, your frenemy might do the same thing. She’ll “tease” you but it feels malicious. It’s her way of putting you down all the time.
  4. “I was going to buy that jacket but I changed my mind.” See what she did there? She made you think she likes your taste in clothing, but then she threw in that she makes better decisions as a parting gift.
  5. “Are you and so-and-so still not talking?” It’s none of her business if you’ve patched things up with your sister or friend, but the frenemy will want to bring up painful topics just to hurt you. This tends to happen when you’re having a really good day. What a party pooper.
  6. “You can do better than him.” Whenever you get a new guy, the frenemy always has something negative to say about him. She’s just jealous or insecure about you having someone and possibly leaving her behind.
  7. “Tell me all about your heartbreak.” Have you ever noticed that the frenemy is never around or supportive when something good happens to you but she’s all ears and wine when you hit a rocky patch? It makes her feel better about herself to hear about your sad stories. End this so-called friendship right now!
  8. “I, I, I…” Pay closer attention to conversations with the frenemy and you’ll see how she’s always talking about herself, even when you have something important to share. It’s sickening, really. She’s so desperate for attention.
  9. “I didn’t know you don’t like bars.” It’s your birthday and your frenemy will invite you to a bar even though she knows you don’t like that scene. WTF? She’s selfish AF and wanted to host your party at the bar because it’s her idea of fun. Again, it’s all about what she wants.
  10. “Oh my, that woman looks terrible.” The frenemy loves to gossip about other people, especially your mutual friends, and you see how she takes pleasure in ripping them to shreds. It makes you worry that she’s doing the same thing behind your back. She probably is.
  11. “You climbed Kilimanjaro? I climbed Everest.” No matter what you’ve achieved in your life, the frenemy always has to one-up you. So messed up. The friendship feels more like a competition than a support system.
  12. “I need your help.” She doesn’t just ask for your help once in a while but all the time. She’s so selfish that she doesn’t care that you’re stressed out at work or are sick with bronchitis, she just wants what she wants like a little brat!
  13. “But I was there for you last week.” The frenemy knows how to guilt you into doing things for her. She’ll keep mental lists of things she’s done for you that she can whip out and make you feel bad about. Meanwhile, you’re the one who’s always bending over backward to help her out. It’s like no matter what you do, it’s never good enough.
  14. “Come on, you deserve to spoil yourself.” When you start a healthier lifestyle, like not spending all your money on clothing or committing to cutting out carbs, your frenemy is always the one who tries to derail you from your goal. She’ll encourage you to spend money or eat cake because life is short. Meanwhile, she’s just hoping to bring you down so she can feel better about herself.
  15. “I really love your new hairstyle.” She compliments you about your hairstyle, but you know it’s definitely not her cup of tea. Her words feel forced and her body language (that smug smile) is conflicting with her words. The frenemy doesn’t mean her compliments—she’s lying through her teeth to make you feel unsettled or tell you what she thinks you want to hear.
  16. “Oops, I didn’t know it was a secret.” She blabs to mutual friends about your career move or breakup even though you assumed she’d know that it’s your news to tell and she should shut up about it. When confronted, she’ll act like it was a silly mistake she made. Don’t buy it. She wanted to be the one to steal your glory or relish in gossiping about your failures.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.