16 Things You Should Never Say to a Guy in Bed

Sometimes girls can be so self conscious in the bedroom that they forget that guys have insecurities too. They are usually just better at putting them out of their mind, because, sex. Guys worry about their performance, and their appearance just as often as girls do, and it is your job to let him know you think he is sexy, no matter what. You don’t want him pointing out your flaws, so you shouldn’t do it to him either.

  1. Look how cute it is! Referring to his pride and joy as anything that could be interpreted as “small” is a no-no. Even if you actually think his balls are adorable and you totally mean it as a compliment, he isn’t going to take it that way. So just don’t.
  2. That’s it? He worked hard to give you that mind blowing 5 minutes, so show a little appreciation!
  3. Just hurry up. If you wanted a quickie, then why did you let him go down on you for 20 minutes prior to this? It’s not okay for him to be done as soon as he orgasms, so it’s not okay for you to be either.
  4. Is it in? Now you’re just being mean.
  5. My ex never did that. Maybe that’s why he’s your ex?
  6. My mom invited us to dinner tomorrow. Save this for after, unless you want him picturing your mom while he does you doggy style.
  7. What’s your mom like? Nothing kills the mood faster than bringing up a guy’s mom while you are getting it on.
  8. I have been with X number of guys before you. Did he ask? No. So, why are you bringing up all the other penises that have already been where his is about to go?
  9. My ex used to do it like this. Save the detailed comparison between him and your ex for the next time you and your friends polish off a couple bottles of wine and you fall down the rabbit hole of sex anecdotes.
  10. Have you been skipping the gym lately? He’s well aware that he’s put on a few pounds. He doesn’t need the judgement. Besides, do you want him to point out the jiggle of your thighs that you try so hard to hide?
  11. Does my butt look fat? This question is pointless, because he loves your butt. That’s why he’s having sex with you. It will only make you look insecure, which to men, is a universal turn off.
  12. Did you take out the trash? There will always be time to berate him for not doing something you asked him to do 8 times, later.
  13. Do you think you’ll ever get a better job? Unless you’re referring to the blow variety, asking about his job aspirations is a guaranteed hard-on killer.
  14. Your friend X is really hot. There is a time and place to bring up a possible threesome with his Chris Hemsworth look-a-like friend, and no, while he is working hard at pleasing you solo, is not the time.
  15. Which one of my friends would you sleep with? This question screams “TRAP!” and you absolutely cannot hold him responsible for blurting out a name in the heat of the moment if it is not the one you wanted to hear. And we all know the one you want to hear is “None of them. You are the hottest one in your group by far.”
  16. 16. So… where is this going? You aren’t going to get a straight answer to this question when your hand is on his penis, so why even bother?
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.