Meeting or spending time with your grown-up kids’ partners can be tricky. You want to be supportive and warm, but sometimes even well-meaning comments can come across the wrong way. The goal is to build a solid relationship with them, not accidentally create awkward tension. Here’s a list of things you should avoid saying—and trust me, they’ll thank you for it later.
1. “When are you two getting married?”
It might seem harmless, but asking about marriage can feel like a whole lot of pressure that no one asked for. Whether they’re ready or not, it’s their decision, not a group project. This question can also get awkward fast if one partner is more ready than the other. Let them bring it up when the time is right.
2. “When are we getting grandkids?”
This one’s a double whammy. You have no idea if they even want kids—or if they’re struggling to have them. Asking puts them on the spot and can open up emotional wounds. If they want to share their plans, they will. Until then, focus on enjoying the time you spend with them now.
3. “We liked their ex better.”
Ouch. Even if you adored the ex, never say this. It undermines their current relationship and makes them feel like they’ll never measure up—and that’s a lot of unfair pressure. Instead, focus on getting to know this new partner—they’re here now for a reason, and your child clearly sees something in them.
4. “You should really do things this way…”
Giving unsolicited advice can feel like you’re questioning their ability to handle their own life. Even if you mean well, it’s better to wait until they ask for input. Respect their choices—they’re adults figuring things out, just like you once were.
5. “Do you think this is the best choice for you?”
Yikes. Whether you’re talking about their job, lifestyle, or anything else, this screams judgment. Nobody likes feeling interrogated about their decisions. If you’re genuinely curious, try asking in a supportive way—like, “How are you feeling about your career these days?”—instead of questioning their life choices.
6. “We never did it like that.”
Times change, and so do ways of doing things. Whether it’s how they handle money or how they decorate their home, comparing them to yourself just comes off as dismissive and rude. Celebrate their way of doing things—it’s their life to live, not yours to critique.
7. “Are you sure you’re feeding them enough?”
This joke is not as funny as it sounds. It can feel like a dig at their ability to care for your child. Instead, try showing appreciation for their efforts, like complimenting a meal they’ve cooked or acknowledging how well they support your kid.
8. “How much do you make?”
Money is a personal topic, and asking about their income can feel intrusive. It’s not your business, and prying into their finances can create unnecessary tension. If they want to share, they’ll do it on their terms—not because you pushed.
9. “Are you sure you’re right for each other?”
Questioning their compatibility is never your place, even if you have doubts. This kind of comment can sow seeds of insecurity in their relationship and irreparably damage your bond with both your child and their partner. Unless there’s a real issue of concern, trust your child’s ability to choose the right partner for themselves.
10. “You must really have a lot of patience with them.”
ShutterstockJoking about your child’s quirks might seem funny, but it can make their partner feel awkward or even resentful. Instead, focus on celebrating the things that make your child unique—without making it sound like they’re hard to handle.
11. “When are you going to get a real job?”
Even if you’re concerned about their career, this question is a hard no. It comes across as belittling and dismissive of their goals. Instead, show interest in what they’re passionate about—you might find it’s more meaningful than it looks on the surface.
12. “We were hoping for someone more like…”
Whether you’re comparing them to an ex or an imaginary “ideal partner,” this is a guaranteed way to create tension. Your job isn’t to judge who they are—it’s to support the person your child has chosen to spend their time with. Keep the focus on building them up, not tearing them down.
13. “Why don’t you visit us more?”
Instead of guilting them for not visiting, create an environment they actually want to be part of. Warm invitations work better than passive-aggressive comments. Try something like, “We’d love to see you soon—when are you free?” It’s a softer approach that shows you care.
14. “I hope you know how lucky you are to have them.”
This might sound like a compliment, but it can feel one-sided. Relationships are partnerships, and both people bring value to the table. Instead of putting your child on a pedestal, try showing appreciation for both of them as a team.
15. “Let me tell you about their exes.”
Nobody wants to hear about their partner’s past relationships, especially from their in-laws. It’s awkward and unnecessary. Keep the focus on the present and what makes their relationship special now—not what came before.
16. “You’re doing it all wrong.”
Whether it’s about how they handle arguments, decorate their space, or make decisions, flat-out criticism is a surefire way to alienate them. If you truly want to help, offer support when asked, but otherwise let them figure things out in their own way.
This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.
