You know those moments when someone says something that makes your heart sink a little because you recognize the pain behind their words? Sometimes the biggest signs that someone is battling with their self-worth aren’t in dramatic declarations but in those casual, everyday comments that slip out in conversation. These seemingly simple phrases often carry the weight of much deeper struggles. Let’s look at some common things people say when they’re having a hard time seeing their own value—you might recognize them from others, or maybe (let’s be honest) from yourself.
1. “I’m Sorry—I Know I’m Being Annoying.”
They apologize for basically existing in a space, even when they’re not doing anything wrong. This phrase often comes out when they’re simply asking a question or sharing a story. They’ve somehow internalized the idea that their mere presence is an inconvenience to others. You’ll hear them apologize for things that absolutely don’t require an apology, like laughing too loudly or needing a moment of someone’s time. The constant stream of unnecessary “sorrys” is their way of preemptively addressing criticism they’re expecting but that isn’t actually coming.
2. “I Don’t Want to Burden Anyone With My Problems.”
They downplay their struggles and avoid asking for help, even when they’re clearly going through a tough time. Instead of reaching out, they convince themselves that their problems aren’t important enough to share. They watch others talk openly about their challenges while believing their own issues would somehow be too much for others to handle. When friends try to get them to open up, they deflect with “It’s not that bad” or “Others have it worse.”
3. “I Don’t Want to Take Up Too Much Space.”
They physically and metaphorically try to make themselves smaller in social situations. This might mean literally squeezing themselves into the smallest possible space at a table or cutting their stories short because they worry about dominating the conversation. They often preface their opinions with phrases like “This might be stupid, but…” or “I’m not sure if this makes sense…” Their entire presence seems designed to be as unobtrusive as possible.
4. “They Were Just Being Nice.”
Any time they receive a compliment or achieve something noteworthy, they immediately discount it as politeness or luck. They have a way of explaining away positive feedback as anything but a genuine appreciation of their qualities or abilities. When someone praises their work, they’ll point out all the flaws instead of accepting the recognition. Their immediate instinct is to find any explanation other than the simple truth that they might actually deserve the praise.
5. “I Should Be Doing Better By Now.”
They hold themselves to impossibly high standards and constantly compare their progress to an imaginary timeline of where they “should” be. Every accomplishment comes with a mental asterisk about how it should have happened sooner or been bigger. They measure themselves against highlight reels of others’ lives while dismissing their own progress. The word “should” appears frequently in their vocabulary, usually followed by self-criticism.
6. “They’ll Figure Out I’m Not Good Enough.”
They live in constant fear of being “exposed” as inadequate, even in areas where they’re objectively successful. This impostor syndrome manifests in comments about waiting for others to realize they don’t belong or don’t deserve their position. They view any success as temporary, waiting for the other shoe to drop. The fear of being “found out” colors their interactions and prevents them from fully embracing their achievements.
7. “Why Would Anyone Want to Hang Out With Me?”
They genuinely can’t understand why people would choose to spend time with them or value their friendship. Even with long-term friends, they harbor a constant fear that people are just tolerating their presence. They often express surprise when they’re invited to places or when people seem genuinely happy to see them. Every social interaction comes with an underlying current of disbelief that others actually enjoy their company.
8. “It’s Probably My Fault.”
They take responsibility for things that are clearly beyond their control or influence. When something goes wrong in a group setting, they’re the first to assume they must have caused it somehow. They apologize for other people’s mistakes and take on blame that doesn’t belong to them. Even in situations where multiple factors contribute to a problem, they zero in on their perceived role and magnify it.
9. “I Don’t Want to Make a Big Deal About It.”
They minimize their achievements and downplay their successes, often brushing off major accomplishments as if they were nothing special. When something good happens, they rush to change the subject before anyone can celebrate them. They’ve mastered the art of deflecting attention from their wins, often by quickly turning the conversation to someone else’s achievements. The idea of being celebrated makes them deeply uncomfortable because they don’t believe their accomplishments warrant attention.
10. “I’m Just Lucky.”
They attribute their successes purely to luck or external factors, never to their own abilities or hard work. Even when they’ve clearly earned something through effort and skill, they’ll insist it was just good timing or fortunate circumstances. They have a hard time acknowledging their role in their own success stories. The word “just” appears frequently when they talk about their achievements as if they need to qualify or diminish them.
11. “I Wouldn’t Want to Waste Your Time.”
They hesitate to ask for help or attention because they’ve convinced themselves their needs aren’t important enough. Even when others explicitly offer assistance, they find ways to turn it down or minimize their requests. They treat their own time as disposable while viewing everyone else’s as precious and scarce. The fear of being an imposition prevents them from accepting even freely offered support.
12. “I’m Not Really That Special.”
They deflect any suggestion that they might be unique or particularly talented at something. When someone points out their special qualities or skills, they immediately counter with examples of others who are “actually” special. They have a way of comparing themselves to others and always coming up short in their own estimation. Their definition of “special” somehow includes everyone except themselves.
13. “I Should Be Grateful For What I Have.”
They use gratitude as a weapon against themselves, beating down their own desires or ambitions. While being thankful is healthy, they use it to shame themselves for wanting more or feeling dissatisfied. Any expression of discontent is immediately followed by self-criticism for not being grateful enough. They’ve turned appreciation into another way to feel bad about themselves.
14. “I Don’t Deserve Nice Things.”
They struggle to justify spending time, money, or energy on themselves. When they do something nice for themselves, it’s followed by guilt or justification about why it was necessary. They can rationalize luxuries for others but see them as frivolous or wasteful when it comes to themselves. The concept of deserving something good seems to apply to everyone except them.
15. “Nobody Really Cares Anyway.”
They’ve convinced themselves that their presence or absence doesn’t matter to others. This belief leads them to withdraw from social situations and avoid sharing important life events. They interpret normal variations in friends’ availability as confirmation that nobody really cares. The phrase often comes up when they’re trying to talk themselves out of reaching out to others.
16. “I’m Probably Just Being Dramatic.”
They question and second-guess their own experiences and feelings, even when their reactions are completely reasonable. Instead of trusting their instincts, they default to assuming they’re overreacting. This self-doubt extends to everything from physical pain to emotional responses. Even when facing genuine challenges, they’ll minimize their struggles with this phrase.
