Dealing with a narcissist can feel like navigating a maze of contradictions and distortions. One of their most frustrating tactics is rewriting history to suit their narrative. It’s a subtle form of manipulation that can leave you questioning your own sanity and memory. This constant revision of events serves to maintain their sense of superiority, deflect blame, and control the narrative. Whether it’s twisting past conversations, denying their hurtful actions, or exaggerating their achievements, narcissists are masters of creating their own reality.
1. They conveniently forget their promises and commitments.
Narcissists are notorious for making grand promises and commitments, only to conveniently forget them later. They may shower you with attention and affection in the beginning, making elaborate plans for the future. This is known as future-faking, per Verywell Mind. However, as time goes on, they may fail to follow through on these promises, leaving you feeling disappointed and betrayed. They may even deny ever making such commitments, gaslighting you into questioning your own memory.
2. They twist your words and actions to make you look bad.
Narcissists have a knack for twisting your words and actions to portray you in a negative light. They may take your innocent comments out of context, exaggerate your flaws, and attribute malicious intent to your actions. This is a form of character assassination that serves to undermine your credibility and make you doubt yourself. It’s a way for them to maintain control and dominance in the relationship.
3. They rewrite the past to fit their current narrative.
Narcissists are experts at revising the past to fit their current needs and desires. They may conveniently forget their own wrongdoings, minimize their hurtful actions, and exaggerate their contributions to the relationship. They may even rewrite entire events, creating a narrative that paints them as the victim and you as the perpetrator. This can leave you feeling confused and disoriented, questioning your own perception of reality.
4. They deny their own mistakes and flaws.
Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe themselves to be flawless. They refuse to acknowledge their own mistakes and shortcomings, even when confronted with undeniable evidence. They may blame others for their failures, project their own insecurities onto you, or simply deny that anything is wrong. This lack of accountability can be incredibly frustrating and can make it difficult to resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
5. They exaggerate their achievements and contributions.
Narcissists love to boast about their accomplishments and take credit for others’ successes. They may inflate their own contributions to projects, exaggerate their skills and talents, and downplay the efforts of those around them. This serves to maintain their grandiose image and reinforce their sense of superiority. It can be difficult to have a balanced conversation with a narcissist when they are constantly trying to one-up you.
6. They use gaslighting to make you doubt your own sanity.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to make you question your own sanity and perception of reality. They may deny your experiences, invalidate your feelings, and contradict your memories. This can leave you feeling confused, disoriented, and unsure of yourself. It’s a way for them to gain control over you and manipulate you into believing their version of events.
7. They create a false narrative of victimhood.
Narcissists often portray themselves as victims, even when they are the ones causing harm. They may exaggerate their own suffering, blame others for their problems, and seek sympathy and attention from those around them. This victim mentality allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and to manipulate others into feeling sorry for them. It’s a way for them to maintain control and garner support.
8. They selectively remember the good times and forget the bad.
Narcissists have a selective memory when it comes to their relationships. They tend to remember the good times and conveniently forget the bad. They may reminisce about happy moments, while glossing over the hurtful things they have said or done. This can make it difficult for you to move on from the relationship, as you may be constantly bombarded with positive memories that don’t reflect the reality of the situation.
9. They blame you for their own unhappiness and failures.
Narcissists have a tendency to externalize their own negative emotions and experiences. They may blame you for their unhappiness, failures, and shortcomings. They may accuse you of not being supportive enough, of not meeting their needs, or of sabotaging their success. This is a way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their own lives and to shift the burden onto you.
10. They minimize your accomplishments and successes.
Narcissists feel threatened by your achievements and successes. They may downplay your accomplishments, belittle your efforts, and dismiss your talents. They may even try to sabotage your goals and undermine your confidence. This is a way for them to maintain their own sense of superiority and to keep you feeling insecure and dependent on them.
11. They project their own negative qualities onto you.
Narcissists often project their own negative qualities onto others. They may accuse you of being selfish, manipulative, or dishonest, even when there is no evidence to support these claims. This is a defense mechanism that allows them to avoid facing their own flaws and insecurities. It can be incredibly confusing and hurtful to be accused of traits that you don’t possess.
12. They use triangulation to create conflict and drama.
Triangulation is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to create conflict and drama between you and other people. They may compare you to others, pit you against each other, and spread rumors or gossip. This is a way for them to maintain control and to keep you feeling insecure and jealous. It can be incredibly damaging to your relationships and your self-esteem.
13. They rewrite the narrative to make themselves look like the hero.
Narcissists love to portray themselves as the hero of their own story. They may exaggerate their own good deeds, downplay their mistakes, and create a narrative that paints them in a positive light. They may even rewrite history to make themselves look like the savior or rescuer in certain situations. This is a way for them to boost their own ego and to gain admiration and validation from others.
14. They use selective disclosure to manipulate your perception.
Narcissists are masters of selective disclosure. They may reveal certain information about themselves or others to manipulate your perception of them. They may share details that make them look good, while withholding information that could damage their image. This can make it difficult for you to get a clear picture of who they really are and what their true intentions might be.
15. They use charm and charisma to disarm and manipulate you.
Narcissists can be incredibly charming and charismatic. They may use their charm to disarm you, gain your trust, and manipulate you into doing what they want. They may shower you with compliments, attention, and affection, only to turn cold and distant when they have achieved their goal. This can be incredibly confusing and hurtful, leaving you feeling used and discarded.
16. They refuse to acknowledge or apologize for their hurtful actions.
Narcissists rarely apologize for their hurtful actions, Psych Central notes. They may deny that they did anything wrong, blame you for their behavior, or simply refuse to acknowledge the pain they have caused. This lack of remorse can be incredibly painful and can make it difficult to heal and move on from the relationship. It’s important to remember that their lack of apology is not a reflection of your worth, but rather a sign of their own emotional immaturity and inability to take responsibility for their actions.
