Let’s talk about getting unstuck from that ex who’s still taking up prime real estate in your head. You know the one—they’re probably still lurking in your Instagram stories or living rent-free in your late-night thoughts. Getting over someone isn’t just about surviving the ice cream and sad songs phase, it’s about actually healing so you don’t bring that emotional baggage to your next relationship like it’s an oversized carry-on. Here’s how.
1. Delete Their Digital Footprint (Yes, ALL of It)
It’s time to get ruthless with that digital spring cleaning. Those 3 AM social media stalking sessions aren’t “keeping in touch”—they’re keeping you stuck. Delete those photos that you’ve convinced yourself you’re keeping for “memories,” unfollow their family members who you never really liked anyway, and remove those Spotify playlists that are basically soundtracks to your shared inside jokes. Your phone should be as ex-free as your future is about to be. And yes, that means deleting their number too, because drunk texting never made anyone’s healing journey shorter.
2. Let Yourself Feel the Ugly Feelings
Stop trying to be the “cool ex” who’s totally fine two weeks after your heart got dropkicked. You’re allowed to be a mess, cry in your car to Taylor Swift, and eat pizza for breakfast. Those feelings you’re trying to stuff down with “positive vibes only” mantras? They’re going to come out eventually, probably at some incredibly inappropriate moment like your cousin’s wedding or a work presentation. Give yourself permission to feel like garbage for a while—believe it or not. it’s actually the fastest way to stop feeling like garbage forever.
3. Embrace the Glow-Up (But Make It Genuine)
Skip the revenge body nonsense and focus on the kind of self-improvement that actually sticks. Sure, you might want to join a gym, but do it because endorphins are better than crying in your car, not because you’re trying to make them regret leaving. Start that hobby you always wanted to try but they said was “weird”—whether it’s pottery, aerial yoga, or learning to juggle fire (okay, maybe start with regular juggling). Take yourself on dates and rediscover who you are without someone else’s preferences coloring your choices. Remember when you used to love Korean food before they convinced you Italian was “better”? Time to get reacquainted with kimchi.
4. Create a No-Contact Contract (With Yourself)
Draw up a personal contract. No “checking in” texts, no “happy birthday” messages, no “I was just in the neighborhood” drop-bys. Every time you break this contract, you have to do something mildly embarrassing like sing in public or donate to a cause your ex hated. The stakes need to be high enough that you’ll think twice before weak-moment-dialing them at 2 AM. This isn’t just about avoiding them, it’s about respecting your own healing process enough to stick to your boundaries.
5. Get Your Adrenaline Fix (Safely)
Channel that emotional energy into something that gets your heart racing for the right reasons. Sign up for that scary fitness class, go skydiving (with a professional, please), or finally learn to rollerblade. Creating new, exciting memories helps your brain stop associating all strong emotions with your ex. Plus, it’s hard to pine over someone while you’re trying not to fall off a surfboard or trying to convince yourself to jump out of a plane.
6. Build Your Own Happiness Blueprint
Time to architect your joy like you’re designing your dream house. Write down everything that makes you genuinely happy—not what made you happy as a couple, but what lights YOU up specifically. Maybe it’s dancing in your kitchen at midnight, reading in coffee shops, or taking yourself to movies where you don’t have to share the popcorn. Create such a rich, full life that a relationship becomes an addition to your happiness, not the foundation of it. Think of yourself as the main character in your life story, not someone else’s supporting cast.
7. Create New Memories Over Old Ones
That coffee shop where you had your first date? Time to reclaim it with a ridiculous solo adventure or a friend date. Every spot that holds a memory of them needs a new story—preferably one that makes you laugh so hard you snort your drink. Hit up all your old “couple spots” with your friends and make so many new memories that your ex becomes a footnote instead of the whole chapter. Think of it as emotional graffiti—you’re painting over old memories with brighter, better ones.
8. Turn Your Detective Mode Off
Stop investigating their life like you’re auditioning for CSI: Ex Files. Their new follower count? Not your business. That ambiguous status update? Also not your business. Who they’re hanging out with now? Absolutely none of your business. Every minute you spend analyzing their life is a minute you’re not investing in your own. Your friends are tired of being your personal PI firm, and your therapist deserves a break from hearing about their latest Instagram post. Channel that detective energy into investigating what actually makes YOU happy.
9. Get Real About the Relationship
Take off those rose-colored glasses and get honest about what your relationship actually was, not the highlight reel you’ve been playing in your head. Write down all the times you felt less than amazing, all the red flags you ignored, and all the compromises that felt more like surrender. Remember how they always “forgot” your birthday but expected a three-day celebration for theirs? Or how they criticized your dreams while expecting you to cheerlead all of theirs? Yeah, let’s talk about that. This isn’t about bashing them—it’s about getting real with yourself.
10. Find Your Growth Story
Stop telling the “poor me” version of your breakup and start crafting your growth narrative. Instead of “they left me and ruined my life,” try “that relationship taught me exactly what I don’t want and helped me recognize my worth.” Your breakup story should sound less like a country music song and more like the opening chapter of your personal development book. Every time you tell the story, focus on what you learned and how you’re growing, not on what you lost.
11. Build Your Support System Like It’s Your Job
Your friends aren’t just emotional support humans—they’re your personal healing team, and it’s time to draft them officially. Create a phone tree of people you can call when you’re about to text your ex, complete with designated roles. Lauren is great for tough love, Terrance always makes you laugh, and Chandler knows exactly when to show up with tacos and distractions. Let them know their positions on your healing dream team and don’t be afraid to lean on them. Just remember to return the favor when they need you.
12. Master the Art of Self-Dating
=
Become the best partner you’ve ever had—to yourself. Take yourself on proper dates, not just sad solo dinners scrolling through your phone. Dress up, make reservations at that fancy restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, and actually enjoy your own company. Learn to be alone without being lonely. Master the art of doing things solo that you used to think needed a partner—travel, movies, concerts. Make yourself such good company that any future partner will have to compete with your awesome solo life.
13. Create New Traditions
Those cute couple rituals you used to have? Time to create better ones with yourself or your friends. Sunday brunch was your thing? Make it a weekly friend feast instead. Movie night traditions? Start a film club with themes way better than their basic tastes ever allowed. The goal is to fill your calendar with so many new traditions that you stop missing the old ones. Make them so fun that you actually feel sorry for your ex missing out on your awesome new life.
14. Get Serious About Self-Growth
Use this time to become the person you’ve always wanted to be but maybe dimmed your light for them. Sign up for that course, start that side hustle, and learn that language. Every time you miss them, learn something new instead. Your growth should be so significant that if you ever run into them again, they barely recognize the amazing person you’ve become. Not because you’re trying to impress them, but because you’ve been too busy impressing yourself.
15. Upgrade Your Life in Every Way
Use this time to level up every aspect of your life that may have been neglected during your relationship. Clean out your closet and make new outfits with all the clothes they said looked “weird” on you. Rearrange your furniture in a way that would have driven them crazy. Buy the bright bedspread they would have hated. Make every choice a reflection of your tastes, not a compromise. Think of it as a life remodel—out with the old energy, in with the new you.
16. Accept That It’s a Process, Not a Race
Stop comparing your healing timeline to others or to some arbitrary deadline you’ve set for yourself. Some days you’ll feel like a self-growth goddess, and others you’ll find yourself crying over their old t-shirt you found in the back of your drawer. Both are okay. Healing isn’t linear—it’s more like a weird dance where you sometimes step backward to move forward. The goal isn’t to get over them as quickly as possible; it’s to get over them as thoroughly as possible.
