If God exists, He’s likely not the wrathful, smite-happy deity pop culture portrays.
After all, if we’re made in His image, a little imperfection is to be expected. It’s hard to believe he’s so uptight that he expects us to be devoutly serious and never have a little fun in life. Here’s a humorous take on the “sins” that might secretly give God a bit of a chuckle.
1. Sleeping in on Sundays (especially after a wild Saturday night)
Hey, even deities need a rest day. Plus, it’s gotta be entertaining watching us mere mortals scramble around late for service, trying to hide the previous night’s amazing party/wild night out. A little harmless oversleeping deserves heavenly understanding.
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2. A healthy dose of swearing when you stub your toe
Sometimes, only a well-placed expletive will truly convey the righteous fury of a furniture-inflicted injury. As long as it’s not fueled by hatred, a bit of colorful language in the face of extreme pain is probably met with divine empathy, maybe even a smirk. Plus, modern profanity didn’t even exist in Jesus’ time — according to Discover Magazine, it wasn’t invented until the Renaissance! — so how could those four-letter words really be so bad?!
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3. Telling a white lie to get out of that unbearable social event
“So sorry, my dog spontaneously threw up…” Self-preservation is important! We all have those invites that inspire existential dread. Odds are, God gets why avoiding the seventh baby shower in three months warrants a touch of creative fibbing.
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4. Binge-watching an entire show in one sitting
What? God doesn’t have Netflix? A little vicarious living through the trials and triumphs of fictional characters? Of course they indulge! Plus, there’s something satisfying about seeing a whole arc play out in a single, glorious, procrastination-filled marathon.
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5. Sneaking extra toppings on your pizza when your roommate isn’t looking
Divine beings understand the sacredness of good pizza. Popping a few extra pepperonis for enhanced deliciousness is practically a holy act! Besides, roommates should always be willing to share the cheesy goodness.
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6. Procrastinating on that slightly icky chore
Filing taxes, cleaning out the fridge — some tasks inspire a strange paralysis known to humans and Higher Powers alike. God probably understands why we sometimes watch three episodes of reality TV instead. Just as long as we eventually tackle the task… mostly.
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7. That smug feeling when you prove someone wrong
A dash of pride never hurt anyone. Being right is sweet, especially when it involves a lighthearted “I told you so.” God likely appreciates the triumphant glow that accompanies our flashes of brilliance.
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8. Laughing at your own slightly inappropriate joke
Sometimes, the best humor pushes boundaries. If a joke lands wrong, the awkward giggle that follows is probably met with a divine wink. After all, God has to have a sense of humor to deal with some of the stuff humans pull.
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9. Daydreaming instead of paying attention in meetings
Sometimes, the mental journey to an exotic beach is far more enticing than another budget review. God knows that even the most dedicated need occasional zoning-out sessions to avoid mind-numbing boredom. Doodling in the margins probably gets a celestial thumbs up too.
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10. A competitive streak in board games that might be slightly excessive
Monopoly rage is a real thing! God likely understands the thrill of a crushing victory, and the sting of being ruthlessly bankrupted by even your sweet grandma. A little healthy competition, even fueled by slightly childish glee, is probably seen as part of the entertainment.
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11. Irrational affection for your less-than-brilliant pet
Why is the cat who brings dead birds as gifts SO ADORABLE? Why do we baby-talk the dog who eats socks? God surely gets it. The unconditional, slightly absurd love for our furry companions is a gift, and probably a source of divine amusement.
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12. Staying in your comfy clothes way longer than is socially acceptable
Pajama pants as daywear? Why not! Comfort is king, and God likely approves of prioritizing coziness over fashion trends. Plus, there’s a certain rebellious joy in rejecting societal norms for the sake of sweatpants.
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13. Belting out cheesy pop songs when nobody’s home
Car karaoke, shower concerts… we all have our inner Whitney Houston moments in private. Unleashing our off-key popstar ambitions, even if horrifically off-key, probably earns us a divine smile. Joyful self-expression, no matter how tonally challenged, is something to be celebrated.
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14. Taking the extra-long, luxurious shower
There’s something deeply restorative about those stolen moments under steaming water, even if not environmentally ideal. God probably forgives the occasional water bill indulgence for the sake of mental sanity. Bonus points if it involves singing along to those cheesy pop songs.
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15. Googling ridiculously random questions at 2 a.m.
Why DO flamingos stand on one leg? Could a Chihuahua defeat a squirrel in battle? The late-night search for answers to life’s truly pressing mysteries likely gives God a good chuckle. Our insatiable curiosity is part of what makes us unique.
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16. People-watching and inventing elaborate backstories for strangers
That guy with the mismatched socks HAS to be a secret spy! That woman arguing with her dog has a whole telenovela-worthy drama behind her. It’s harmless, and God surely appreciates our ability to weave narratives to keep ourselves amused.
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17. Minor acts of rebellious glee for no real reason
Eating dessert first, wearing slightly mismatched outfits, blasting music when driving alone… small acts of rule-breaking feel liberating! God is probably down with our need to occasionally reject routine and embrace a little joyful anarchy now and then.
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