It’s not that I’m jealous, it’s just that you’re annoying. I’m so happy for you that you finally found “The One,” but you don’t need to rub it in my face every chance you get. Being in a happy couple definitely has its advantages, but disadvantage number one is annoying all of your friends. Here are 17 things couples do that make their single friends roll their eyes:
- Referring to everything as “us” and/or “we”. It’s like the words “I” and “me” have been completely stripped from their vocabulary. Clearly you aren’t just sharing a bed anymore, you’re also sharing a brain.
- Asking their partner for permission to do something. That’s sweet that you respect your partner’s opinion (I guess), but why do you need to get his permission before we go to the movies? It’s the Hunger Games, not a blow job.
- PDAs. While it’s totally acceptable for us single folk to make out with strangers all over town, you’re in a relationship and need to get a room. It’s like watching your parents kissing — totally repulsive.
- Social media posts. I get it, he’s your man crush — but do I have to hear about it every single Monday?
- Being inseparable. When it’s girls’ night and he shows up… can’t we have just one night??
- Speaking for each other. When I ask my friend a question and he answers for her like she’s suddenly lost her ability to speak, I want to scream. Then he starts dropping those annoying “us” and “we”s all over the place.
- Trying to set you up with every single person they know. Because clearly if you aren’t in a relationship, you don’t know how to find one for yourself. Doing just fine over here on Tinder, thank you very much!
- Acting like you can’t be happy being single. After being around you two, who would want to be in a relationship? Not having someone attached to your hip trying to suck on your face while making plans for you is actually pretty awesome.
- Being way too invasive in your personal life. Since when does being sans significant other become an open invitation to pry into my personal life? I don’t ask you about your sex life because, duh, it’s boring, so don’t ask about mine. If I want to share the deets, I will.
- Forgetting they know anyone else besides each other. When’s the last time I even saw my friend? Oh that’s right, before she was in a relationship. Now she only answers texts if they come from bae.
- Dresssing alike. Ew, the corniest. Some also do this to put on their corny, couple-y Christmas card that, upon arrival, I’ll immediately be putting in the trash.
- Not including you in couples’ activities. It wasn’t bad enough that me and my boyfriend broke up and I’ve been feeling rather alone, but now I’m getting dumped from game nights, couples’ dinners, and even happy hours. It’s like being around the single girl will ruin the happy couple bubble they’ve been living in.
- Setting up dating profiles for you. Just because I don’t currently have a man doesn’t mean I can’t think up a few favorable things to say about myself and upload a couple decent pictures. I can create my own match profile, you annoying wannabe matchmakers.
- Insisting you bring a date places. It’s like me being the third wheel makes you more uncomfortable than it does me. I’m totally fine going to dinner with the happy couple and paying for myself. Besides, who wants a date stealing bites of their food?
- Asking you to constantly take pictures of them. It’s like the only reason you invited me was so I could be their personal photographer. God forbid anyone sees that I was actually there, too.
- Feeding each other. Seriously, is there anything worse? The answer is no, no there’s not.
- Avoiding acting happy in order not to offend you. Which, by the way, is even more offensive. I’m totally OK rolling solo.
