17 Things Couples Do to Each Other That Harms Their Relationship

17 Things Couples Do to Each Other That Harms Their Relationship

Relationships often falter not because of monumental blowouts, but due to subtle, harmful behaviors that chip away at trust and connection. Sometimes, couples don’t even realize the damage they’re doing to one another until it’s too late. Here’s a closer look at 17 common ways couples unintentionally harm their relationship and how these actions can erode even the strongest bonds.

1. They Use the Silent Treatment

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The silent treatment might seem like an easy way to avoid conflict, but it’s a form of emotional manipulation. Shutting down communication leaves your partner feeling ignored and undervalued. It’s not just avoiding a fight—it’s creating a rift. Over time, this tactic fosters resentment and makes resolving issues far more difficult.

2. They Keep Score

Relationships aren’t competitions, but keeping track of wrongs can turn them into one. Constantly bringing up past mistakes or playing tit-for-tat creates a toxic dynamic where partners become adversaries rather than teammates. This mindset shifts focus away from resolving problems and toward perpetuating them.

3. They Ignore or Disrespect Boundaries

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Disregarding boundaries—whether emotional, physical, or mental—erodes trust and respect in a relationship. Invading privacy or dismissing your partner’s feelings can make them feel unsafe. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect for personal limits, so ignoring them only builds frustration and distance.

4. They Engage in Power Struggles

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When couples vie for control—over decisions, finances, or even minor details—the partnership becomes a battleground. Constant power struggles undermine equality and foster resentment, making collaboration nearly impossible. A healthy relationship requires teamwork, not an endless tug-of-war.

5. They Criticize Each Other in Public

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Publicly calling out your partner can be deeply humiliating. Criticizing them in front of others doesn’t solve issues; it only builds resentment. Addressing concerns privately preserves dignity and demonstrates mutual respect, even during tough conversations.

6. They Have Frequent Jealous Outbursts

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Jealousy might seem flattering at first, but frequent outbursts reveal insecurity and mistrust. Over time, these episodes create a hostile environment, leaving both partners on edge. A foundation of trust is crucial for any relationship to thrive, and jealousy erodes it one outburst at a time.

7. They Neglect Each Other’s Needs

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Relationships require effort and attention to each other’s needs. Emotional neglect signals indifference, leaving your partner feeling unloved and unimportant. Ignoring what your partner requires to feel supported will lead to resentment and distance over time.

8. Their Communication Is Overwhelmingly Negative

Constant negativity—whether through criticism, sarcasm, or complaining—creates a toxic atmosphere. Relationships need healthy communication that prioritizes understanding and respect. A focus on negativity drains the connection, making both partners feel defeated and hopeless.

9. They Hold Grudges

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Holding onto past mistakes prevents growth and healing. Bringing up old wounds during arguments stifles progress, replacing forgiveness with bitterness. Letting go of grudges is essential for moving forward and maintaining emotional health within the relationship.

10. They Refuse to Own Up to Mistakes

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A refusal to admit fault halts any chance of resolving conflicts. Accountability is key in a relationship. Without it, problems remain unresolved, and trust weakens. Owning your mistakes shows respect and a willingness to grow together.

11. They Manipulate Each Other

Manipulation destroys trust. Whether through guilt trips or emotional blackmail, this tactic creates a power imbalance that undermines the relationship’s foundation. Healthy love has no room for control or games; it thrives on honesty and mutual respect.

12. They Disrespect Each Other

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Name-calling, belittling, and constant criticism chip away at self-esteem and love. Respect is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, and without it, the connection becomes fragile. Disrespect signals deeper issues that need addressing for the relationship to survive.

13. They Sweep Issues Under the Rug

Avoiding conflict doesn’t make problems disappear—it compounds them. Ignoring issues leads to built-up tension that eventually explodes. Openly addressing concerns helps resolve problems before they escalate, creating a healthier dynamic.

14. They Act Like Nothing Happened After a Fight

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Failing to address conflicts leaves both partners feeling unheard. Sweeping arguments under the rug rather than resolving them allows tension to fester. Healthy relationships require addressing problems to build trust and understanding.

15. They Refuse to Give Each Other Space

Clinging too tightly can feel suffocating, while constantly invading personal space creates resentment. Giving your partner room to breathe helps them recharge and maintain their individuality, which strengthens the relationship overall.

16. They Play the Victim

Playing the victim deflects accountability and invalidates your partner’s feelings. This manipulative behavior fosters frustration and prevents meaningful resolutions. Healthy relationships are built on honesty and shared responsibility, not one-sided blame games.

17. They Withhold Love and Affection

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Using love as a weapon or withholding affection to punish your partner manipulates the relationship. This creates emotional insecurity and undermines trust. Relationships thrive on love freely given, not doled out conditionally.

This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.

Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.