Relationship dynamics are a funny thing. You and your love interest may be perfectly in tune, but often, relationships can morph into an unhealthy mixture of both partners’ negative traits. Many dynamics don’t work, and most of us are no strangers to couples who have fallen into unhealthy patterns or let their relationship develop into something toxic.
On the bright side, we can use their mistakes as a lesson. In case you need a reminder of what not to do with your budding romance, here are 17 types of couples you don’t want to be like.
1. The couple with constant conflict.
No relationship is without conflict, but no one can deny it’s not fun to hear a couple always bickering. This duo will likely ruin a get-together by arguing or calling each other up to start a fight while separated. They are constantly butting heads about something one day but loved up again the next. This constant yo-yo is terrible for them, but it’s also super disruptive if you have to witness it. We should all strive for domestic peace with our partners.
2. The codependent couple.
These two have deep-seated issues that prevent them from breaking up, even when the relationship may not suit them. A codependent relationship is one where both partners depend on reassurance and validation from one another, and it can be super draining. People may try to romanticize this type of relationship, calling it a twin flame or a soulmate connection, but it can be deeply toxic. Trust me, it’s better to avoid relationships where you feel you have to give up your independence to meet a partner’s needs and lose yourself in the process.
3. The PDA couple.
I have nothing against a couple showing each other a little love now and again, but some displays of affection don’t need to be in the public eye. I’m looking at your messy make-outs and too-close-for-comfort cuddlers. If you can’t keep your hands off your partner for a brief outing, it screams insecurity and neediness. This relationship is universally annoying and can show it’s weak or that you and your partner are possessive and insecure. I promise you won’t break up if you don’t kiss every 10 minutes, so don’t be like these people.
4. The “we” couple.
Raise your hand if you find it bizarre when a couple has a shared Facebook page. This type of couple has seemingly fused into one person the way that they make every move together. Every statement about themselves becomes a statement about both (“we love movies” or “we want to see you”). If you invite one-half out, expect their partner to show up too, whether you like it or not. Either way, this couple is not one you want to emulate.
5. The on-again/off-again couple.
This couple seems addicted to the thrill and drama of breaking up just to make up again. Did they forget they were screaming “I hate you!” yesterday? It’s a turbulent rollercoaster that would lead most of us to leave the troublesome partner in the dust, but, for whatever reason, these two decided to stick with each other. The will-they won’t-they dynamic can be exceptionally messy, and when you’re friends with one or both parties, it can be hard to pick a side. It’s impossible to be supportive when they can’t pick what they want either.
6. The joined-at-the-hip couple.
Speaking of fused partners, another couple type you should never be like is the joined-at-the-hip couple. They go on every single outing together and can’t stand the thought of being in a different room. Say it with me: space is healthy in a relationship. It’s best to take time away from your partner; you’re still your person with your own needs and desires. Ignoring those needs is just asking for trouble.
7. The “looking for a third” couple.
Maybe this is only on dating websites. For me, nothing is more annoying than meeting someone nice on a dating app, only to mention that they already have a partner and are looking for someone to join their open relationship. If this is your cup of tea, I understand, but the average person swiping for matches on Bumble isn’t looking for polyamory. Moreover, putting yourself out there as single when you want something very different is misleading. This type of couple can be creepy and pushy, something you want to avoid by all means.
8. The social media couple.
Lately, it seems impossible to go online and not see couples’ content on social media. You can’t even go to your timeline without seeing happy couples post pictures from dates and statuses about their partner. Some think this is cute or a show of devotion, but the average person probably finds it overkill and annoying. Caring so much about what other people think of your relationship can’t be healthy, and it’s an unfriendly reminder to single folks they don’t have a special someone.
9. The too perfect couple.
Perfection is overrated in my book, and this philosophy extends to couples. They project the image that they have a perfect loving relationship; they never fight, are always dressed well, and are friendly to everyone. However, the image is often fake, which is a way to cover up a deeply imperfect relationship. Besides being non-authentic, which is already a bad sign, these people are profoundly grating. Those who buy into their facade often feel inadequate in comparison, and it can be super annoying to hear them go on and on about their perfect life.
10. The anti-social couple.
This type of couple pulls a disappearing act the second they shack up. It might result from two extreme homebodies or introverts becoming a couple, but you probably won’t see them out again anytime soon. Though this cozy relationship might not seem so problematic, abandoning your friends for your partner is never a good look. Also, being too comfortable with your partner and never taking time to go out on dates or do bonding activities can get stale very quickly.
11. The unofficial couple.
You’re delusional if you have to introduce your partner with a string of caveats. There, I said it. The unofficial couple have been “hanging out” or “in the talking stage” for months now. Somehow, they are always each other plus one and live together, but they never define the relationship. If someone keeps making excuses to string you along without commitment, they’re not serious about you. This type of relationship is barely a relationship, and no one should have to make excuses as to why their partner isn’t their partner.
12. The zombie couple.
This couple is a lot like zombies because the relationship died long ago, but it’s (somehow) still going. These are your high school sweethearts who are still married 20 years later but don’t sleep in the same room anymore and don’t want to divorce because it’s too much effort. This couple isn’t marked by resentment, just having given up and walking through life numbly. It’s not a pretty picture.
13. The constantly texting couple.
You might think this category is comprised exclusively of teenagers, but you would be wrong. Plenty of adults in their twenties, thirties, and even forties are constantly texting and messaging their partners. If you go out to lunch with them, they’ll spend the whole time buried in their phone or mulling over a conversation they had with their sweetie earlier in the day. It can be exhausting and leave you feeling disconnected. Long-distance relationships also often fall into this trap. I’d rather have a few quality interactions than a million subpar ones over text.
14. The red flag couple.
How did these two end up together? They seem okay with one partner going through their phones without asking or the other being friends with all of their exes. Looking from the outside, all I see is a train wreck of red flags, pure and simple. Still, somehow, the two of them have their rose-colored glasses blocking out all the toxic energy. On the one hand, I envy them for still being happy even with that many issues in the relationship. On the other hand, if one-half of this couple is your friend, you want better for them. You have to assume that it will crash and burn sooner rather than later.
15. The constant criticism couple.
This one is tough to watch. These two constantly tear each other down, which can get pretty ugly. We can all agree we have some flaws, but we want a partner who will accept them and help us work through them, not one who shames and berates us for them. You may wonder why these two are still together when they hate each other’s guts, but they’re probably just stubbornly codependent or too afraid to break it off. This type of relationship will leave you thoroughly insecure and feeling like you may be the worst partner ever. Trust me, you’re not; you shouldn’t ever settle for a relationship like this.
16. The reunited exes couple.
Here’s the thing about exes, you broke up once. A few years apart may change some things about your dynamic, but it’s not likely. This is why I get a chill down my spine when a friend reunites with an ex from high school; for whatever reason, it rarely pans out. I mean, JLO and Ben Affleck made it work, but honestly, most of us are not on the same level as them. These relationships end because they come up against the one thing that caused them to break up in the first place, and then history will repeat itself. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice…
17. The “they can change” couple
Spoiler alert: they won’t. People who are abusive, manipulative, selfish, or otherwise just crappy will not just change overnight, especially without consequences for their actions. Coddling and giving them patience and love despite their lousy behavior enable them to continue. This type of relationship will leave one-half bitter, burned, and hurt, and the other more convinced that they don’t need some serious help. Don’t let yourself fall victim to this type of relationship. If the person you’re seeing is terrible to you, LEAVE; do not make excuses for them, do not believe in them changing, just go.
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