Dealing with a narcissist can feel like an emotional rollercoaster—they have this uncanny ability to twist situations, make you doubt yourself, and somehow always end up in control. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t need to play by their rules, and you can hold your ground without getting sucked into their games. Here are 17 ways to outsmart a narcissist and reclaim your power on your terms.
1. Set Boundaries and Don’t Budge
Narcissists love pushing limits, so clear boundaries are your best friend here. Decide what you’re okay with and what you’re not, then stick to it. Whether it’s limiting how often you’ll take their calls or what topics are off-limits, keep it firm. They’ll test you and push to see if you’ll budge, but holding the line shows you mean it and keeps them from walking all over you.
2. Ignore Their Little Jabs
Narcissists are experts at subtle digs meant to get a reaction. Whether it’s a backhanded compliment or a not-so-subtle insult, don’t bite. If they see you’re not easily rattled, it takes away their fun. Stay calm, keep your cool, and don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to you.
3. Keep Your Emotions in Check
They absolutely thive off getting a rise out of you because it gives them a sense of power. If you can stay level-headed, it’s like taking away their fuel. Don’t give them the pleasure of seeing you upset. Respond calmly and keep your emotions out of it—it’ll throw them off more than you think.
4. Remember Your Worth
Narcissists love to chip away at self-esteem, so reminding yourself of your value is crucial. Know what you bring to the table, and don’t let them make you feel “less than.” When you’re confident in yourself, it’s harder for them to manipulate you into seeking their approval or validation.
5. Don’t Try to “Fix” Them
It’s tempting to believe you can help them change, but with a narcissist, it’s usually a losing game. Save your energy for yourself and stop hoping they’ll change, because they like how they are. Accepting that they are who they are lets you focus on protecting yourself instead of constantly trying to get them to be someone they’re not.
6. Embrace the “Gray Rock” Method
Want them to lose interest? Make yourself as uninteresting as possible—like a gray rock. Keep all of your responses short, don’t share personal stuff, and avoid getting sucked into their drama. They’ll get bored quickly when you’re not reacting or fueling their need for attention, which gives you a bit more breathing room.
7. Stick to the Facts
Narcissists love to twist emotions to get a reaction out of you but don’t give them the satisfaction. Keep conversations factual and simple, focusing on “just the facts.” This approach makes it harder for them to manipulate you with their usual tactics, and it keeps things straightforward, which narcissists usually hate.
8. Trust Your Gut
Narcissists are pros at making you doubt yourself. But if something feels off, trust that feeling. Don’t let them convince you that you’re “overthinking” or “too sensitive.” Listening to your instincts helps you stay grounded and keep a clear perspective when they’re trying to mess with your reality.
9. Avoid Power Struggles
Narcissists love feeling like they’re on top, so they’ll try to drag you into arguments or fights just to “win.” Don’t take the bait. Walk away or simply refuse to engage. The less you play along, the less control they feel, and that’s a victory in itself.
10. Get Comfortable Saying “No”
Saying “no” might feel uncomfortable, but with a narcissist, it’s essential. They hate hearing “no,” but setting boundaries means you’re not bending over backward to keep them happy. Practicing a firm, unapologetic “no” is one of the best ways to show them you’re in control of your own life.
11. Keep Conversations Short and Sweet
Narcissists love to dominate conversations and keep you tangled in their web. But if you start keeping your interactions brief and to the point, you’re taking back control. Don’t let them ramble on or monopolize your time—show them you’ve got better things to do and aren’t interested in playing along.
12. Don’t Overshare
Narcissists have a knack for using your own words against you, so be careful how much you share. Keep personal details to yourself, especially if they’re sensitive because it’ll be used against you down the line. When they have less to work with, they have less ammo to manipulate you later on.
13. Expect Some Pushback
When you start setting boundaries, a narcissist won’t be happy. They might guilt-trip you, throw tantrums, or even get aggressive. Stay calm and don’t give in. Standing your ground—even if it’s uncomfortable—shows them they’re not in control anymore, and eventually, they’ll realize you’re serious.
14. Don’t Get Caught in Their Web of Lies
Narcissists lie to control and manipulate. Instead of getting tangled up in their stories, remind yourself that truth isn’t their strong suit. Know that arguing or trying to prove a point won’t get you anywhere. Let them have their lies, but don’t let it mess with your sense of reality.
15. Keep Records if Things Get Messy
Sometimes, keeping a record of interactions—like messages or notes from conversations—can be helpful. Narcissists are notorious for twisting stories, so having a backup can protect you if things escalate. Plus, it’s a good way to remind yourself that you’re not imagining things.
16. Lean on Your Support System
Narcissists other favorite tactic is to isolate you, so having a strong support system is essential. Surrounding yourself with friends and family who understand you helps keep you grounded and reminds you of reality when the narcissist tries to mess with it. Don’t go through it alone—having people who have your back makes a huge difference.
17. Know When It’s Time to Walk Away
Sometimes, the best way to take back your power is to leave. If they’re making your life miserable and showing no signs of changing, it might be time to cut ties. Walking away doesn’t mean they’ve won; it means you’re choosing your peace and well-being over their drama. Choosing yourself is the ultimate power move.
