18 Signs He’ll Be Terrible In Bed

18 Signs He’ll Be Terrible In Bed ©iStock/PeopleImages

Do you ever feel like you can tell who would be great in bed just by looking at them? It might actually be the truth. A lot about how good a guy is in bed can be gleaned from the way he looks, talks, and even eats. Here are some classic signs that he won’t be too fun in the sack:

  1. His hygiene sucks. If a guy reeks, you probably shouldn’t sleep with him. Horrible smelling breath and B.O. aside, bad hygiene might also suggest that he’s not aware of body language. If he can’t tell that you’re grossed out by him, how can he tell if you’re not having fun in bed?
  2. His attitudes towards sex are pretty awful. A guy who’s clearly sexually repressed, is misogynistic, or doesn’t understand the importance of consent isn’t going to be fun to sleep with. They generally won’t care about your experience, or they may freeze up and panic. Oh, and if he’s too repressed, he may cry after sex. Not fun.
  3. He’s constantly bragging about how many women he’s banged. This is most often a major lie, and it’s a clear attempt at overcompensation. Unless you want the entire world to hear about how he “totally railed” you, skip this one. He’s an emotional trainwreck, and his insecurities will make any sexual encounter terrible.
  4. He talks about how big his penis is. Having a large tool is definitely a plus, but being one isn’t.
  5. You really don’t get the feeling that he’s attracted to you. If he keeps ogling other women or has more interest in website sex than you, the sex will be awful. This is an indicator of a lack of passion. Nothing says unsexy like, “Yeah, you’ll do.”
  6. He doesn’t stop doing things that annoy you, even after you tell him to stop. This is a sign that he doesn’t care about boundaries. It’s also a sign that he is annoying and immature. Why would you sleep with this immature twat?
  7. He’s wayyy too aggressive with you. If he crammed his hands up your shirt during the first kiss, ditch him. Moving that fast is generally a sign that he’s sexually awkward, self-centered, and inexperienced.
  8. He thinks he’s hot stuff. Every guy with an ego the size of Kanye’s tends to have one thing in common: they’re delusional about their relationships with women. Unless you want to deal with a guy who will call out his name instead of yours, bail before you hit it.
  9. He sends unsolicited penis pictures. Once again, this is a sign of a disconnect between what women want and what he thinks they want. It also is a sign that he objectifies you. Either way, it’s not a good look.
  10. He sucks at kissing. How can you expect him to be a good lay if he can’t even kiss right?
  11. The people who have slept with him all make fun of his sex skills. Either all his exes are salty, or he’s so awful that it’s comically bad. If he has a rep for being unable to keep it up, crying after sex, panicking during sex, or being an overall idiot, you might want to take their words for it.
  12. The way he hits on you is terrible. Is he insulting you to lower your self-esteem, or bribing you? Yeah…Don’t even think about expecting fun with this one.
  13. You’re not attracted to him. No spark means no fun for you.
  14. Certain fetishes he has really weird you out. The more he insists on you trying things you aren’t into, the worse the sex will be. If he’s already insisting that you wear a weird Pikachu costume or something before you two get it on, you might want to just turn him down.
  15. He claims to last for hours. Believe it or not, sex gets to be boring and can even become a chore if the dude never cums.
  16. He’s insanely self-centered. If he never asks about you, never seems interested in your concerns, or preens more than a pop star during a photo shoot, he’s not going to care about pleasing you in bed. Au contraire! This guy will get pissed if you ask him to reciprocate actions you’ve already done.
  17. The guy is way too whiny, non-confrontational, or passive-aggressive. Even dominants like to see a little spine in their subs! If he can’t actually talk about problems with you, how can he communicate with you about his sexual needs? Communication is key in sex, and he won’t communicate.
  18. He’s image obsessed. This is the kind of guy who will hold back on passion because he’s too worried that he won’t look good while doing it.
Ossiana Tepfenhart works as an editor to FunNewJersey's magazine, and has been working with a massive series of lifestyle sites including Woman Around Town and Guff.com