18 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self

18 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self ©iStock/ MaxFrost

Hindsight really is 20/20 and could have saved me a lot of growing pains and heartaches. But without living through all of my childish mistakes, I definitely wouldn’t have become the person I am today. If I had the opportunity to have a conversation with my younger self and offer her some advice, that stubborn little bitch probably wouldn’t listen to me, but here’s what I would tell her:

  1. That guy who broke your heart did you a favor. It nearly ruined you when he found someone else and got married, but that poor girl has no clue he’s cheating on her. Aren’t you glad you aren’t his Mrs. now?
  2. That other guy who broke your heart is still hung up on you. It may have taken you forever to get over him, but eventually you did. He, on the other hand, will come crawling back years later, and ain’t nobody got time for that.
  3. Your body is rockin’, so appreciate itBecause it won’t be long before gravity gets the best of those DDs and your metabolism becomes way less forgiving.
  4. You can quit smoking. You didn’t think it was possible but it is, and you did. Don’t you wish you would have done it sooner?
  5. Getting blackout drunk is not a good look for you. Neither is passing out naked on the balcony for the whole campus to see. The good news is that you’ll eventually figure out your tolerance.
  6. Day drinking is a marathon, not a race. Pace yourself, girlfriend.
  7. It’s OK to drift apart from friends. Everybody grows up, and some people grow into douchebags. Don’t feel bad about kicking them to the curb when the time comes.
  8. Stop giving more than you get. Being generous is great, but not to those that don’t deserve it. You’ll let people take advantage of you, but eventually you’ll wise up and put an end to the BS.
  9. Being vulnerable isn’t the worst thing in the entire world. You have feelings, and you should express them. Keeping them to yourself has only caused you trouble and heartache along the way. People aren’t mind readers, and they don’t know they have hurt you if you don’t tell them.
  10. One day, you’ll get your finances in order. You’ll be 32, but better late than never.
  11. Getting laid off from a job you hate isn’t the worst thing in the entire world. You would have probably never quit on your own even though you were miserable there, so take it as a blessing in disguise. That year of struggling really did build character and help you get your shopping habits in check. Your next job may take a long time to find, but it’ll pay off in the end.
  12. You should’ve invested more time in training your puppy. Now you have a food-stealing 11-year-old dog who can’t learn new tricks, like not stealing bread off the counters.
  13. You should have gone to some of those classes you paid $100k for. Sure, you skated by and made it to graduation, but did you actually learn anything? Years from now, people will ask what classes you took and you won’t remember a one, and it’s not because your memory sucks.
  14. The people you take for grated the most are usually the people who do the most for you. And they won’t be around forever, so recognize it before it’s too late.
  15. It’s never too late to realize your dreams and make them happen. That period of unemployment actually gave you the time to get back to doing what you love: writing. See, it wasn’t all bad.
  16. Stop caring about what everybody else thinks. Because actually, they probably aren’t even paying attention half the time. You are your harshest critic, give yourself a break.
  17. Cool it with the sarcasm. Not everyone gets your unique sense of humor, and some are even offended by it. Remember a little goes a long way.
  18. Be happy. No matter what it takes, and stop wasting your time on everything else.
Rachael is an award winning stand-up comedienne, freelance writer, and BravoTV superfan. Her Real Housewives tagline is “The only thing bigger than my boobs are my personalities.” In her spare time, she keeps busy catering to the needs of a very spoiled Siberian Husky, (Paris Hilton), cleaning the skeletons out of her closet (to make room for more shoes), and swiping left to everyone on Tinder. Follow her on twitter @therealplandd.