20 Idiotic Things Guys Do To Impress Girls

20 Idiotic Things Guys Do To Impress Girls ©iStock/mediaphotos

Guys will do anything to get the attention of the girls they like. In fact, it often seems as if they forget the whole idea of self-preservation and dignity when it comes to their romantic pursuits. Unfortunately, this backfires pretty frequently. This is especially true if they do any of the following epic dating fails:

  1. Flashing cash. This is the most obvious way a guy will try to impress a girl. When a guy flashes cash, the best he can hope for is a gold digger. If the girl isn’t into money, she’ll most likely feel cheap and assume that he has nothing going for him aside from a fat bank account. Either way, it’s not good for the guy.
  2. Namedropping celebrities they don’t know. Oh, sure, tell me again how you know Johnny Depp. I mean, clearly, you’re being honest, since you’re a barista in the middle of Kentucky… Nothing is suspicious about this at all. Oh, if I sleep with you, I can meet him at one point in the very distant future? Suuuurreeee
  3. Saying they’re feminists. There are definitely male feminists out there, but typically, the ones wearing “FEMINIST” shirts on Tinder and asking for nudes don’t qualify for that title. It’s a cheap trick that they hope lures women who are passionate about equal rights to their beds.
  4. 4. Sending penis pics. Guys, we can’t tell how big your schlong is by a picture of it. Moreover, we don’t want to see a photo of it. It just makes you look like an idiot not worthy of our time. Stop it.
  5. 5. Claiming to like bands he hates. If you’re super into Drake or Coldplay and he pretends he is too, even though he can’t name a single song, it’s going to backfire. It’s not cute to lie, even about something dumb, so he’s better off not trying.
  6. Trying to be someone they’re not. No one wants to be with a fake. Bottom line.
  7. Insulting you. For some reason, guys will try to impress girls by behaving like complete jackasses around them. Somehow, insulting a girl is supposed to make us feel more attracted to them. This doesn’t work, obviously, but for some reason it seems like a lot of guys haven’t got the memo.
  8. Drinking to the point of blacking out. During college parties, many guys may think that showing off how much they drink will make girls swoon. Newsflash: women aren’t impressed by that, and we’re actually usually totally revolted by how sloppy guys get when they drink too much.
  9. Namedropping “important” people he actually knows. Namedropping of any form really tends to be a turn-off, and comes off as insincere. Guys still try it, though…
  10. Talking about what “nice guys” they are. Most girls quickly notice that guys who keep talking about how much girls hate them because of the fact that they’re nice guys aren’t usually nice at all. This is such a whiny, weak thing for a guy to do. How is this supposed to impress girls? If anything, it will convince us that he’s a wuss.
  11. Talking about how many girls they get. Who are they trying to convince? No one who brags about getting laid really gets it as often as they say they do. Otherwise, there would be no reason to brag to some random girl.
  12. Getting super sexually explicit. Guys who decide that the way to get laid include talking about how they’re going to bang you usually get shot down because of how creepy and desperate they sound. Unless he’s already in a relationship with a girl, he needs to avoid hyper explicit talks. It doesn’t turn us on, and it just makes him sound like a shallow creep.
  13. Getting into fights. This is a great and easy way to get a record that involves gems like Assault & Battery. In terms of impressing girls, fighting will not do much aside from make us realize he’s a violent douchebag.
  14. Pretending to be smarter than he is. Girls who don’t know what he’s talking about will get bored and annoyed at what a pompous ass he’s being if he does this. Should he make the mistake of doing this in front of a girl who does know the subject at hand, we’ll see right through the charade and most likely put him in his place.
  15. Catcalling. Because street harassment works so well, right? (That was sarcasm.)
  16. Doing insane physical stunts. Here’s to the fellas in the ER reading this, realizing how stupid they are for falling off that balcony! Here’s hoping that ACA Marketplace health insurance covers whatever grievous damages he’s dealt own body in hopes that some girl will think he’s Vin Diesel!
  17. Acting like they’re chefs when they don’t know how to cook. Well, to a point, it’s the thought that counts. However, it’s doubtful that the girl he’s interested in will be interested in charred black bits of Ramen stuck to a now-useless frying pan.
  18. Making a scene. How is this supposed to impress anyone? If anything, a guy who makes a scene to impress the girl they like is a guy who will most likely never see her again. No one wants to be embarrassed by the person that they are dating.
  19. Refusing to open up about their feelings. If he’s doing this, he’s doing the whole “strong, silent type” thing wrong. Girls are impressed by sensitivity. Tell us how you feel, already, dudes.
  20. Stalking. If a guy ever wants a serious relationship with a girl, stalking us will destroy that chance. In fact, he might end up with a good ol’ fashioned restraining order if he tries it.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.