20 Questions Every Couple Should Ask Each Other To Determine Compatibility

No matter what stage you are in your relationship, there is always room for a couple to get to know each other better. Here are 20 questions every couple should feel comfortable asking to figure out if you’re compatible.

What is your dream date? As a couple, this is one of the questions you may even already know the answer to, but give it a try anyway. Giving your partner the space to tell you about their dream date not only gives you ideas about what to do for your next outing, but it also tells you what they value about your time together.

Why did you and your last partner break up? It can be uncomfortable to talk about exes, and some couples choose to avoid it completely. But hearing about a person’s previous relationship will give you important insight into how they’ve made decisions in the past and whether or not they’ve learned from their mistakes. This is not only one of the most illuminating questions for couples, but one of the most necessary to ask.

What makes you feel supported? Mutual support is the bedrock of a happy relationship, and while you might have ideas about how to help your partner, you will never know if you’re giving them what they need unless you ask. Of all the questions on this list, knowing the answer to and following through on this one could really benefit you as a couple.

What is your definition of self-care and how do you incorporate it into your life? Supporting each other is vital, but you need to balance it out by supporting yourself, too. Knowing how your partner takes care of him or herself will deepen your understanding of what they need and avoid miscommunications. If part of their self-care routine is spending time alone, for example, you’ll know what to expect and not feel shut out when they need to go off on their own for a while. As a couple, questions like this will strengthen your relationship since they help you as individuals.

What did you think of me when we first met? The answer to this one might surprise you! Even though you shared the same experience, you will have your own recollections of the moment. Maybe you noticed your partner’s smile or the first words they said to you. Maybe they remember what you were wearing or how you made them feel. This question will deepen an already cherished memory. You’re a couple now, but how many questions did they have about you when you first met?

How do you approach conflict in a relationship? It’s easy to point out all the ways you’re compatible when everything is going smoothly. But sooner or later, you’ll have to face bumps in the road and it’s best to learn how the other person handles conflict before it happens. That way, when you’re in the heat of the moment, you’ll have some framework for how to approach an argument productively.

What do you appreciate about me? Go ahead and fish for compliments. It will make you feel warm and fuzzy and tell you what aspect of your personality they value most. It might seem like asking questions like this makes you conceited, but what couple doesn’t love hearing why their partner loves them?

What would you like me to improve? Being in a relationship requires attention and dedication to being the best partner you can be. It may not feel great to hear what your partner wishes you’d change, but it does give you the opportunity to rise to the occasion and show how committed you are to the partnership.

What is your definition of infidelity? This is a question that should be broached as early as possible. There are many ways besides the obvious physical ones to be unfaithful nowadays, from sexting to strip clubs to seeing multiple people during the early stages of a relationship. Setting boundaries from the beginning will ensure that neither of you accidentally hurts the other and that there are no excuses if one of you cheats. When you’re in a couple, questions like this shouldn’t ever have to arise.

Would you ever go to couples counseling? This sounds pretty heavy for a casual evening conversation, but it’s an important point of compatibility. If your relationship is ever at a breaking point, agreeing to go to counseling ahead of time will save you another argument. On the other hand, if your partner is against the idea from the outset, you’ll know what to expect.

Do you consider yourself to be sexually adventurous? Everyone has their own ideas about what it means to be sexually adventurous, but it’s a great conversation starter for couples. It will get you talking about sexual compatibility without the pressures and insecurities that might arise if you were to broach the subject when you’re already in the bedroom.

Do you want kids? There is no way around this question, and there is no perfect time to ask it. The decision about whether or not to have kids will always come with a host of personal baggage that has nothing to do with your relationship. Because of this, it might be best to ask it right away to keep it as casual as possible. This is one of those questions a couple should ask sooner rather than later.

What is an adventure or experience that you’d like us to share? One of the best parts of being in a relationship is going on adventures together. Planning trips will give you something to bond over even before you embark on them. This question will also gauge how serious your partner is about the relationship. If they say, “Going swimming next weekend,” you’ll know they aren’t thinking about you in the long-term yet.

What are your thoughts on marriage? This is another question that is fraught with baggage for some people. Getting married is no longer a foregone conclusion the way it used to be. Some people are disgusted by the history of marriage, while others dream of a fairytale wedding from the time they were children. Conflicting ideas about marriage do not have to be a dealbreaker, but talking about it will help you adjust your expectations.

How can I make you feel loved? Asking questions like these when you’re in a couple will make you so much stronger and bring you much closer. Perhaps the most fundamental part of a relationship is expressing and receiving love. That sounds obvious, but everyone has their own way of showing how they feel and their own preferences for how to be loved. Understanding your partner’s love language will make your relationship stronger and more fulfilling.

What’s something that worries you about me? It’s difficult to tell the person you’re with that you are concerned about a certain aspect of their life. Maybe you worry that they drink too much or invest too much time and effort into an unhealthy relationship with a friend or family member. These concerns are hard to address, but it’s important to try so that you aren’t bottling up your emotions.

How have you changed as a person over the years? Everyone changes throughout their life. We all have excruciatingly embarrassing photos from high school and a breakup we’d rather not remember. We aren’t tied to our past selves, but our trajectory to who we become is revealing. Learning where your partner has come from is an important part of getting to know who they are today.

When was a time that I let you down? We all make mistakes, and sometimes we do it without realizing it. Giving each other the opportunity to be honest about a time when you felt let down will help you heal and understand each other a little better. The more opportunities you have to address suppressed feelings, the healthier your relationship will be. This is a hard question to hear the answer to, but it’s one every couple could benefit from asking.

When was a time when you felt supported and loved by me? Here is another opportunity to feel warm and fuzzy about your relationship by asking these questions as a couple. But it will also tell you how your partner recognizes support. You might think that you’re being really helpful when you make them dinner at the end of a long day when really, the thing that means the most to them is sitting down at the table and talking.

What is your favorite memory of us? This is one of the most adorable questions for a couple to ask each other. Unless you’ve just started dating, this is a great question to ask at any stage of your relationship. You probably won’t have the same answer, which means that you’ll get a surprising trip down memory lane and connect over a special experience.

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