Narcissists will do all kinds of verbal gymnastics when it comes to avoiding responsibility.
Calling them out is like trying to nail jelly to a wall. Here are some of their greatest hits when confronted with their own bad behavior. Try not to pull a muscle from laughing so hard!
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
Classic gaslighting 101. Instead of addressing their actions, they’ll try to make you doubt your own emotions. It’s not that they behaved badly; it’s that you’re overreacting. This line is designed to shift the blame and make you question your own judgment.
2. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
The non-apology apology. Notice how they’re not actually sorry for what they did, just sorry that you had the audacity to have feelings about it. It’s a sneaky way of acknowledging your hurt without taking any responsibility for causing it.
3. “You made me do it.”
Ah, the old “it’s not my fault” routine. Suddenly, their actions are your responsibility. As Psychology Today explains, this blame-shifting is a way to avoid accountability and make you feel guilty for their behavior. It’s like blaming the car for your speeding ticket.
4. “I don’t remember that.”
Selective amnesia is a narcissist’s best friend. They’ll conveniently forget any incident that paints them in a bad light. It’s not that they don’t remember; it’s that admitting to the memory would mean admitting fault, and that’s not in their playbook.
5. “You’re just jealous.”
When in doubt, accuse the other person of envy. This deflection tactic is meant to put you on the defensive and shift the focus away from their behavior. It’s also a way for them to reinforce their own sense of superiority.
6. “I was just joking.”
The get-out-of-jail-free card for every hurtful comment. By claiming it was a joke, they invalidate your feelings and make you seem like the one with the problem for not getting their “humor”. It’s a way to be mean without consequences.
7. “You’re crazy.”
The ultimate gaslighting phrase. By questioning your sanity, they’re attempting to undermine your entire perception of reality. It’s a nuclear option when other deflections aren’t working.
8. “You always exaggerate.”
This gem is used to dismiss your concerns by painting you as unreliable. It’s a preemptive strike against any specific examples you might bring up. After all, if you “always exaggerate,” how can your accusations be trusted?
9. “I’m not perfect, you know.”
A disingenuous attempt at humility that’s actually a way to lower the bar for their behavior. They’re not addressing the specific issue; they’re trying to make you feel bad for expecting decent behavior. It’s the adult equivalent of “nobody’s perfect” when caught cheating on a test.
10. “You’re the only one who has a problem with me.”
This line is meant to isolate you and make you doubt your own judgment. They’re positioning themselves as universally liked, and you as the lone dissenter. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to make you question your own perceptions.
11. “I’ve done so much for you.”
Ah, the guilt trip express. By bringing up past “good deeds,” they’re trying to create a debt that outweighs their current bad behavior. It’s like keeping a ledger in a relationship, where they think good actions buy them a free pass for bad ones.
12. “You’re overreacting.”
Another classic from the gaslighting playbook. This dismisses your feelings and paints you as irrational. It’s a way for them to minimize their actions and make you feel like you’re the one with the problem for having a normal emotional reaction.
13. “I’m just being honest.”
Honesty without tact is just cruelty. This phrase is often used to justify hurtful comments or actions. It’s a way for them to be mean while claiming the moral high ground of “truthfulness”. Real honesty comes with empathy, not as a bludgeon.
14. “You’re so ungrateful.”
This is designed to make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself. By painting you as ungrateful, they’re implying that you should accept whatever treatment they dish out because of some perceived debt you owe them. It’s emotional blackmail, plain and simple.
15. “I’m not arguing about this anymore.”
The conversation ender when they realize they’re not winning. It’s not about resolving the issue; it’s about maintaining control. By unilaterally ending the discussion, they’re asserting dominance and avoiding accountability.
16. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This dismissive phrase is meant to trivialize your concerns. It’s a way of invalidating your feelings and making you question whether you have the right to be upset. Remember, if it matters to you, it’s not “nothing”.
17. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
The classic backpedal when called out. This phrase allows them to rewrite history and claim their hurtful words or actions were misinterpreted. It puts the onus on you for “misunderstanding” rather than on them for their behavior.
18. “Why are you always so negative?”
This flips the script, painting you as the problem for pointing out their bad behavior. It’s a diversionary tactic meant to put you on the defensive and shift the focus away from their actions.
19. “You need to learn to let things go.”
Translation: “I don’t want to face the consequences of my actions.” This phrase implies that you’re the one with the problem for holding on to (very valid) hurt or anger. It’s a way of avoiding responsibility by framing accountability as unnecessary dwelling on the past, Psych Central notes.
20. “I’m done with this conversation.”
The nuclear option when all else fails. By abruptly ending the conversation, they’re asserting control and avoiding having to answer for their behavior. It’s not about resolution; it’s about maintaining their position of power in the relationship.
