20 Signs You’re The Crazy Ex

Breakups are neither fun nor easy, but that doesn’t mean that you have to make it a traumatic experience for your former partner. No one wants to be the crazy ex, but anyone who acts out too much post-relationship is going to end up with that title. If any of these signs ring true, you’re it, and you’ve definitely earned it.

  1. Your ex has a restraining order on you because you wouldn’t stop harassing them. OK, we get it — sometimes you don’t want to let go. Unfortunately, this doesn’t give you the right to call your ex 50 times a day. If it gets to the point that they file a restraining order against you or have had law enforcement intervene, you’re a legitimately psycho ex.
  2. You got violent with them. Unless you’re defending yourself from someone who’s trying to physically hurt you, violence is never the answer. It doesn’t matter what they said or did — rest assured that if you’ve been in a physical altercation with your ex, you’ll be the person they warn others about.
  3. You’ve physically prevented them from leaving a room. Doing this shows a gross disrespect for your partner’s choices, and also shows that you’ve decided that you’ll be controlling their action. This is abusive behavior, and in many states, it can be a chargeable offense. In other words, don’t be that person.
  4. You’ve blackmailed them into staying with you. It’s totally nuts to think that you can force someone to stay with you. You cannot force love. Pull a Frozen, and let it go.
  5. A number of friends stopped talking to you because of the way you treated your ex. When people actively avoid you because of how uncomfortable your actions towards your ex make them feel, you’re way out of line. This is especially true if your friends are more willing to side with your ex than with you.
  6. You’ve threatened or even hurt your ex’s current significant other. If your ex has a new SO, they’ve moved on. Perhaps it’s your turn to do the same.
  7. When an ex broke up with you, you broke their stuff. Once again, this is violent behavior. Property damage is not going to get your ex back. In fact, it might actually cement the idea that they’re making the right decision.
  8. You spied on your ex, stalked them, or tried to control their every move. Most people know when they are overstepping bounds, and that includes realizing that spying on others is wrong. If you’re guilty of doing either of these, then you need to get help.
  9. You believe that your ex should “know their place.” A good rule of thumb is that if you use the phrase “he/she knows their place,” it’s a sign that you’re way too controlling, or even abusive. A sure indicator that you’re the ex everyone wants to avoid having is if you’re psycho enough to actually punish people for stepping out of “their place.”
  10. People have told you that you have serious double standards. The worse the double standard is, the more likely it is that you’ve earned the “crazy ex” label. For example, if you think you should be allowed to cheat while your partner should stay loyal to you, you’re insane.
  11. When an ex broke up with you, you publicly humiliated them. If you’ve posted dirty photos of them online or if you sent damaging pics to family members, church organizations, or employers, congrats — you’re a scumbag, and you’re the crazy ex. If you’re reaching to these lows, then do everyone a favor and get professional psychiatric help.
  12. You’re known for making a scene… and not in a good way. Nobody likes drama, and while it’s occasionally warranted, having it be a regular occurrence is not acceptable. Taking it to social media, slinging mud to his friends, and all that other bad stuff is a sign that you’re just stirring up stuff without cause.
  13. You’ve lied about major things. If you lied about a terminal illness or a pregnancy, then you’re the crazy ex. The more messed up the lie is, the more of a crazy ex you are.
  14. People have told you to get help, or have told you that you’re way out of line. When people actually need to tell you how out of line you’re being, then you have a serious problem. Most people won’t feel comfortable saying something like that, so if multiple people have sat you down to tell you how messed up you’re being, you should heed their suggestion.
  15. His friends and family loathe you. Though it can be due to cultural differences, prejudice, or your ex lying about you, when everyone he hangs out with hates you, it’s usually because of the way you behave around them. They are being protective.
  16. You cry every time you see your ex. Not cool. It hurts, but when it’s been years after the breakup, it’s time to let go. You’re making them uncomfortable.
  17. Your exes don’t ever want their stuff back. If they left a PS3 at your place and don’t want to pick it up, it’s safe to say it’s because you really don’t act stable around them. If they’re willing to pay anything just to keep you out of their life, it’s not them being charitable — it’s them being petrified of seeing you again.
  18. You’ve shown up at their house uninvited post-breakup. This is the ultimate crazy ex move.
  19. Their current S.O. is terrified of you. If their new S.O. has been warned about you, they’ll be scared of you. If it gets to the point that people regularly warn others of your behavior, you’ve earned the crazy title.
  20. You go through crazy lengths to look at their social media profiles. If they’ve blocked you and changed their passwords, that’s bad enough. If you’ve gotten to the point that you hired a hacker or use alternate profiles to see what they’re doing, you’re a bit too insane in the membrane.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.