20 Signs You’re Too Drunk To Text

Alcohol is called “social lubrication” for a reason: drinking can loosen up even the shiest and most uptight people. But getting completely drunk on a night out can put you in the danger zone when it comes to communication, particularly when texting is so easy (and potentially very regrettable). Here are some signs you should step away from the phone until you’ve sobered up.

  1. You’re crying. Or on the verge of tears. If you’re reaching the point of getting a little champagne wasted, your reasoning skills are already out the window.
  2. You’ve had a pep talk with yourself in the bathroom mirror. You know you’re drunk when you’re literally talking to yourself – and answering back.
  3. Your autocorrect has no idea what you’re trying to say. If you have to retype a text message five times, you should draft that sucker and call it a day.
  4. You’ve tripped. Yeah, yeah, it was just those shoes; you always trip when you’re sober, anyway. Still, just to be safe, phone down.
  5. Unlocking your phone is suddenly really hard. Usually, you can enter your passcode without even looking, but now that you’re sitting at the bar, you’re having to focus on this mission really intently.
  6. You got locked out of your phone. If your passcode struggles went to the point of getting a lock out warning, it might be time to head home. It’s definitely time to cease all texting immediately, though.
  7. You’re tired. Like, if you could just rest your eyes for a few minutes, could totally recharge and be ready to go again.
  8. Your drunk goggles are kicking in. That mediocre looking guy on the other side of the room is suddenly looking pretty appealing.
  9. One of your friends has already tried to take your phone from you. They know when you’re nearing drunk text territory when they see that smirky look cross your face. Or when you throw up in the bathroom before coming back to order another vodka and cranberry.
  10. You’re missing people you don’t even think about anymore. Shelf those feelings and see if they’re still there when you wake up tomorrow.
  11. You skipped dinner. Even a couple drinks on an empty stomach can take you into drunk territory, let’s be honest.
  12. You can’t figure out how much to tip the bartender. And you used to work in a bar, so this math should be pretty straightforward and obvious.
  13. Someone has handed you a glass of water. It’s because they care.
  14. You’ve dramatically changed your mind. A couple hours ago, you were claiming that you never wanted to see your ex again, and now you want him to come over tonight, instead.
  15. You’re singing. And you never sing, but you’re suddenly very moved by an R. Kelly song from high school.
  16. You’re spilling. You feel steady walking, but the what the heck, you’re wearing half your drink. How did that happen?
  17. You’ve gotten into a heated discussion with a stranger. About anything, really. It’s a sign your inhibitions are no longer trying to keep you safe.
  18. You’re making strange, huge plans with your friends. Whether it’s starting a business or ambitious brunch thoughts, neither is going to happen.
  19. You feel like you should sit down. And you’re kind of mumbling to yourself about trying to find a seat.
  20. You just know you’re drunk. Instead of putting away your phone, you’re trying to mischievously use this opportunity to say some things you might regret. Don’t do it, girl.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com