20 Struggles Of Being A Sleep Deprived Woman

20 Struggles Of Being A Sleep Deprived Woman ©iStock/g-stockstudio

You’re so tired, and that’s not even the worst part. Sure, staying up forever sounds great hypothetically, in a Wiz Khalifa song kind of way, but it’s a special form of hell for those of us that do it on a regular basis. If you’re out there kicking ass and hustlin’ on, like, four hours of shut eye, you’ll understand these 20 struggles of being a sleep deprived woman:

  1. You can’t remember the last time you weren’t rocking a fun bun. Your ambitious blowout plans always end up being replaced with five rounds of hitting the snooze button and a 30 second bun, possibly still wet.
  2. You only take selfies with sunglasses on. It’s basically the only way you’ll get any likes right now.
  3. You can’t find your keys… or wallet… or phone… or your sanity. It’s possible everything you own has fallen through a wormhole and ended up in an alternate universe where you actually have time to sleep.
  4. You might murder the next person that comes between you and your Starbucks. Especially that guy who’s ordering for everyone in his office “to be nice.” Does he not realize he’s being a super d-bag to everyone behind him in line?
  5. You don’t remember driving home from work. Oh, hello, driveway, how did you get here?
  6. Red Bull has no effect on you anymore. What once felt like Adderall now feels like water.
  7. You own every brand of under eye concealer. And still have hope that your next purchase will be the holy grail of concealers.
  8. You have no idea wtf you went upstairs for. But you’ll probably remember once you finally get all comfy and situated on the couch again.
  9. You use alcohol to stay awake… You do shots because it’s generally frowned upon to take nap at the bar at 10 PM.
  10. …Or to counteract too much caffeine. Sometimes you need a beer at 2 PM because you’re afraid those 12 coffees you had might be leading to a heart explosion.
  11. No one understands why there are spoons in your freezer and used tea bags in your fridge. It’s like you’re the only one who’s ever Googled “DIY eye bag home remedies.”
  12. You have an anti-sleep deprivation app. It won’t make you less tired, but it will make you look less tired, which sometimes is more important.
  13. People think you’re sad, sick, or stoned. You seriously can’t help what your eyes look like right now.
  14. Your bottle of makeup remover is 100 years old. Because you always fall asleep before you get a chance to take your makeup off.
  15. You can’t remember the last time you stayed awake through a movie. You occasionally like going out to the movies because you know you can take a nap there.
  16. You spend all evening hoping your friends will cancel plans. But you’re pounding Red Bulls just in case you have to power through.
  17. Your reminder notes look like a scene from A Brilliant MindAnd is equally as nonsensical. You have no idea what past you meant when you wrote “Thursday peanuts” on the back of an old utility bill.
  18. …and you still need several reminders in your phone. Your phone has back up reminders for its back up reminders, with 10 separate alarms for early morning commitments.
  19. You occasionally wonder if you’re having a heart attack. Maybe dumping pre-workout in with your coffee grinds this morning was not as ingenious as you thought it was…
  20. You might slap the next person who suggests you go take a nap. But you have stuff to get done! *makes another trip to Dunkin Donuts.*
Holly Harris is a freelance writer, full time student, and mommy to a toddler sass monster. In her (nearly nonexistent) free time, you can find her lifting something heavy in her home gym or chugging vodka sodas with friends. She contributes to several other sites, including Elite Daily.