Narcissists have a knack for avoiding responsibility.
They use clever phrases and manipulation tactics to point the finger, confuse people, and maintain their image. Recognizing these verbal tricks can help you protect yourself from their manipulation. Here are 20 things narcissists often say to dodge accountability for their actions.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
When you express hurt feelings, narcissists often use this phrase to invalidate your emotions. They’re deflecting responsibility by suggesting the problem is your perception, not their actions. This gaslighting tactic aims to make you doubt your own feelings and reactions, allowing them to continue their harmful behavior unchecked.
2. “I don’t remember that.”
Conveniently forgetting their hurtful actions or promises is a common narcissistic tactic. By claiming memory loss, they avoid having to acknowledge or apologize for their behavior. This selective amnesia allows them to sidestep accountability and leaves you questioning your own recollection of events.
3. “You made me do it.”
Blaming others for their actions is a narcissist’s go-to move. By claiming you provoked them, they absolve themselves of responsibility for their behavior. This manipulative tactic aims to make you feel guilty and responsible for their actions, shifting the focus away from their own choices and onto your perceived shortcomings.
4. “I was just joking.”
When called out on hurtful comments, narcissists often claim they were “just kidding.” This allows them to dismiss the impact of their words while making you seem humorless or overly sensitive. It’s a way to avoid taking responsibility for the pain they’ve caused while maintaining their image as fun and lighthearted.
5. “You’re overreacting.”
Similar to calling you “too sensitive,” this phrase is used to minimize your feelings and reactions. By suggesting you’re blowing things out of proportion, narcissists deflect attention from their actions and onto your perceived emotional instability. This gaslighting technique makes you question the validity of your own emotions.
6. “I never said that.”
Denying their own words is a classic narcissistic move, Psychology Today notes. Even when faced with evidence, they might insist they never said something hurtful or made a particular promise. This blatant denial is designed to make you doubt your own memory and perception, allowing them to avoid accountability for their words.
7. “You’re imagining things.”
Gaslighting at its finest, this phrase is used to make you question your reality. By suggesting you’re fabricating events or misinterpreting situations, narcissists avoid having to address their actual behavior. This tactic can be particularly damaging over time, eroding your confidence in your own perceptions.
8. “I did it for your own good.”
Narcissists often justify their harmful actions by claiming they had your best interests at heart. This manipulative tactic positions them as caring and selfless while dismissing any negative impact of their behavior. It’s a way to avoid taking responsibility while simultaneously making you feel ungrateful for questioning their motives.
9. “You’re the one with the problem.”
Turning the tables is a favorite narcissistic strategy. By suggesting you’re the one with issues, they deflect attention from their own behavior. This projection tactic is designed to put you on the defensive, making you less likely to hold them accountable for their actions.
10. “I’m not perfect, you know.”
While this statement seems like an admission of fault, it’s actually a way to dismiss responsibility. By acknowledging their imperfection in a general sense, narcissists avoid addressing specific behaviors or apologizing for particular actions. It’s a blanket statement that excuses all their mistakes without actually taking responsibility for any of them.
11. “You’re being selfish.”
Narcissists often accuse others of the very traits they possess. By calling you selfish when you express needs or set boundaries, they deflect attention from their own self-centered behavior. This projection tactic is designed to make you feel guilty for asserting yourself, allowing them to continue their selfish actions unchecked.
12. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
While this might sound like an apology, it’s actually a way to avoid taking full responsibility. By focusing on their intentions rather than the impact of their actions, narcissists sidestep accountability. This phrase allows them to maintain their positive self-image while minimizing the harm they’ve caused.
13. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
This dismissive statement is used to trivialize your concerns and emotions. By suggesting you’re overreacting to “nothing,” narcissists avoid having to address their behavior or its impact on you. This gaslighting tactic aims to make you doubt the validity of your feelings and concerns.
14. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This non-apology appears sympathetic but actually takes no responsibility. By expressing sorrow for your feelings rather than for their actions, narcissists avoid admitting fault. This clever phrasing allows them to seem caring while still deflecting blame onto your emotional response rather than their behavior.
15. “You’re too emotional.”
Similar to calling you “too sensitive,” this phrase is used to invalidate your feelings and reactions. By framing your emotions as excessive or irrational, narcissists avoid having to address the substance of your concerns. This tactic aims to make you doubt your own emotional responses, giving them the upper hand in conflicts.
16. “That’s just who I am.”
By claiming harmful behavior is an unchangeable part of their personality, narcissists avoid taking responsibility for their actions. This statement suggests they’re incapable of change, shifting the burden of acceptance onto you. It’s a way to continue their behavior without facing consequences or expectations of improvement.
17. “You’re twisting my words.”
According to Verywell Mind, when confronted with their own statements, narcissists might accuse you of misinterpreting or manipulating their words. This deflection tactic puts you on the defensive, making you less likely to hold them accountable. It’s a way to avoid addressing the substance of what they’ve said by focusing on your perceived misunderstanding.
18. “I’ve already apologized, what more do you want?”
Narcissists often view apologies as transactional. Once they’ve said “sorry” (often insincerely), they believe the matter should be dropped immediately. This attitude shows a lack of genuine remorse and an unwillingness to make amends or change behavior. It’s a way to rush past accountability without real reflection or effort.
19. “You’re the only one who has a problem with me.”
By suggesting that you’re alone in your concerns, narcissists attempt to isolate and discredit you. This statement aims to make you doubt your own judgment and question whether you’re being unreasonable. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to avoid addressing their behavior by framing you as the outlier.
20. “Let’s just move on.”
When confronted with their actions, narcissists often push for quick resolution without true accountability. By rushing to “move on,” they avoid having to fully address the issue, make amends, or change their behavior. This tactic prioritizes their comfort over your need for resolution and prevents any real growth or change in the relationship.
