For those of us with big boobs, it’s very much a love/hate relationship: Just when we think we’ve totally come to the terms with the fact that we’ll always have to get the biggest dress on the rack no matter our waist size and we’re cool with that, something happens ― like a double boob situation or lower back pain ― and we realize fully loving our boobs, without qualms, complaints, or hesitation just isn’t meant to be. While women with small boobs may think they have it bad, they’ve never spent a day walking around with a triple-D cup.
Yes, the struggle is real, and this is what we endure.
Pretty bras are never made in big sizes.
Maybe it’s some weird conspiracy, but the sexiest and prettiest bras area always an A, B, or C cup; the big bras, the only ones that fit us, are the equivalent to granny panties.
Lower back pain is just part of life.
So, we always have Advil on us and take it at least twice a day.
Trying to get through a meal without getting a stain is impossible.
Other people drop food on their lap, but not a girl with big boobs ― it always lands right on our rack.
Men just CAN. NOT. STOP. STARING.
Or women, or babies, or anyone with a pair of eyes.
Button-down shirts fitting well are just a daydream.
Unless we fork over the money to have them handmade, those buttons popping off and flying in every direction is just a fact.
Every dress that’s bought must be tailored.
Because no dress is made to consider that a woman with a cup size larger than C might be interested in buying it.
One sports bra just isn’t enough.
If we want to keep our boobs in place and try not to add to our back pain, we need to wear at least two or three sports bras.
Sundress season is especially stressful.
Because ― bam! Tits on display for everyone to see! Nipples trying to show off their glory ever few seconds! Maintenance is just exhausting.
You fear where your boobs will be when you’re 60.
You hope they’re just down to your bellybutton, but know that them being down to your knees is a real possibility.
Going without a bra just isn’t an option.
Even the thought of it makes you feel awkward.
Boob sweat is a part of your life.
And when the summer rolls around it actually drips just making those sweat stains even bigger than usual.
People ask if they’re real.
Which is funny, because if they knew anything about real and faux boobs, they’d be able to tell that they are very, VERY real.
People sometimes don’t believe you when you say they are.
So, they ask to touch them and it just leads to total awkwardness.
Double boob is something you have to handle regularly.
For some reason, after a long day, even the best fitting bra will cause a double boob situation thanks to the way the cup shifts over several hours.
Side-zipped dresses just never seem to fit.
Unless it’s a cotton knit dress, it’s just not happening.
Your shirts always look like they’re trying to get free.
Even your t-shirts, stretched tight across your boobs, just look like they’re begging to escape you and find a woman with smaller breasts.
You panic if you realize you’re out of safety pins.
You’ve learned that safety pins are necessary in keeping any and all shirts together, because wardrobe failure is just part of your existence.
You have perpetual cleavage.
So you always look like walking sex, even when you really don’t want to.
When you lay on your back, they disappear into your armpits.
At least then you can pretend they’re small! But it can also be strange during a one-night stand with someone who was stoked about your big boobs.
When you lay on your stomach, they hurt.
Which has taught you that you need to bring a pillow to the beach to even out the playing field and keep your boobs happy.
Bra strap indentations are practically permanent.
Actually, not practically; more like absolutely permanent.
Taking off your bra at the end of the day hurts like hell.
But after two seconds, it feels so good because FREEEEEEEDOM… but only until tomorrow morning, of course.
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