The funny thing about infidelity is that you often don’t realize how obvious it was that your partner was cheating until you two have actually broken up. Love can make us blind to infidelity, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t keep an eye out for the warning signs. Truthfully, most cheaters do give at least a few red flags that will tip off an observant person to their activities. Here are a bunch of the most common ones. If they’re happening to you, you may want to get out now.
There’s a distinct change in the dynamics of the relationship. All of a sudden, he’s gotten very distant but insists that he doesn’t want to break up. Maybe he used to answer his phone constantly, but now can’t seem to be arsed to pick up your call. A clear change in his behavior is a good sign that something’s amiss. If it’s a sudden flow of great behavior, you also should be wary. He might be trying to make his conscience feel at ease with his cheating ways.
He’s a known player. “Once a cheater, always a cheater” doesn’t always hold salt. However, if there’s a clear pattern established, you should think twice before committing to him.
You got a disease from him, and he was STD-free when you met him. This isn’t a warning sign as much as it is a nuclear attack siren telling you that you’ve been cheated on.
He doesn’t want to introduce you to friends, family, or even coworkers. If you’re his main chick, he will do what he can to introduce you to people in his life – at least, if he’s serious about dating you. If you’re his side chick, he’ll never introduce you to anyone and will do what he can to keep you separate from everything else. Either way, if he seems to shield you from his entourage, it’s not a good sign.
He’s been known to brag about his past conquests… or bragged about them TO you. Aside from being a clear sign of a douche bag, this can also be used as a clear signal of a guy who simply doesn’t view women as anything other than potential victories. Speaking from personal experience, a guy who constantly talks about how many women he’s slept with is never a good relationship choice. If he doesn’t cheat, he will end up making you miserable in one way or another.
It really seems like he’s not over his ex… and his ex doesn’t seem like she’s done with him. If it’s a recent breakup, or if it seems like he’s still heavily intertwined in his ex’s life, you may find yourself being the other woman without actually realizing it at first. Other incarnations of this rule include guys who swear up and down that they’re divorcing, or that they are broken up with their live-in girlfriend.
He guards his phone with his life. No one likes a snoop, but when you see that he has to keep his phone on his person at all times, you should be worried. What does he have to hide? Why won’t he trust you enough to leave you alone in the same room with it?
He brings his laptop or phone into the bathroom for hours, and won’t let you in. Obviously, it doesn’t take that long to use the toilet. It seems like he’s probably hiding something if he can’t even trust you to be in the same room with him, right?
He’s working very long hours, and the money is not materializing. This is the classic sign of a cheater, at least if the cheater in question is the breadwinner. If you can’t help but notice that his office hours became extremely extended, but that his paychecks don’t reflect it, something’s amiss. More often than not, the reason for the strange uptick in hours is because he’s spending his time with another girl.
He starts to smell different. Back in the day, he smelled like sweat when he’d come home from work on the road. Now, he’s beginning to smell clean. This may be an indicator that he’s recently taken a shower. More obvious versions of this can happen when your guy comes home smelling of perfume, or when he comes home smelling of sex.
He begins accusing you of cheating. This is called “projection,” and it happens when someone feels so angry or guilty over their own actions that they feel the need to project that guilt over to an innocent party. If he seems hellbent on accusing you of cheating, it may be a sign that he’s the real adulterer. Even if he isn’t cheating, you might need to break up with him, simply because psychological projection is never healthy for either party.
There’s a tan line on his wedding ring finger. Believe it or not, many cheaters could get caught if the other woman searched for this simple little detail. If a guy takes off his wedding ring when he’s flirting, a tan line or an imprint is quite likely.
You can’t help but notice how much he mentions the “crazy behavior” of exes. Quite a few guys will do this just to safeguard themselves should their side chick or main chick approach another one of his flings. By telling girls that the other chick is crazy, he’s making sure that there’s a way to still maintain his credibility in spite of all the evidence against him.
You meet with him at odd hours, or on odd days. If you can’t seem to get a weekend alone with him, that may be because he’s with his other girlfriend.
His friends look at you sympathetically. You may not believe it, but most guys do not view cheating as a good thing. In fact, I personally have known guys who have broken friendships with friends when they found out that their bro had an affair. If his friends seem to pity you, or give you a “poor thing,” look, it may be a good indication that your boyfriend is doing you wrong.
He really doesn’t like the words “relationship” or “girlfriend.” Admittedly, this could be just a sign of a commitment-phobe, and there are guys out there who fit that bill. However, if he’s showing other warning signs of infidelity, it may be a sign that he wants to keep his hands as clean as possible. After all, if he never admits you’re in a relationship, he can’t be proven to be a cheater.
Other women have approached you claiming that he’s their boyfriend. 99% of the time, this is not the work of a crazy ex – and if it was, you’d have other signs of her erratic behavior as well. When a girl actually does the right thing and gives you a heads up about infidelity, then you should never be angry at her, nor should you immediately toss out her claims. Be angry at the guy who did this, and get to the bottom of the issue ASAP.
The guy you’re seeing has lied about other things before. Lying about smaller things will mean he’s going to be okay with lying about bigger things. If it seems like he always has something to hide, or if you notice lies being a regular occurrence, it could be that he’s covering up for a bigger lie…such as infidelity.
His phone sucks. If you have never heard of this before, now’s the time. Many men who have affairs have “jump phones” or “burner phones” that they use exclusively for their cheating behavior. These phones are often prepaid phones that resemble the old school flip phone Nokias of a decade before. If you see him pull one out, it could be a burn phone, and it could be a sign of potential cheating.
When you ask where he was or what he was up to on a certain night, he gets very defensive or even angry. This is a double-whammy of bad news bears. First off, that level of defensiveness suggests that he really was out and about with another girl. Secondly, it also suggests that he has anger issues that you do not want to touch with a ten foot pole. If you see this happen, run the other way, and fast!
You regularly catch him having a wandering eye. If you catch him scoping out other women regularly, it may mean that he’s on the prowl and looking at what he could try to get with when you aren’t around.
Most of his friends have cheated. True story, men who have friends who cheated are more likely to cheat in their own relationships. One bad egg doesn’t always spoil the bunch, but when you notice that it’s common in his entourage, you should be worried.
He’s glitterati. Multiple studies have shown that men who belong in a glamorous, famous, or wealth-inducing career tend to be less loyal than men who aren’t. So, if your beau is a banker, a male model, an actor, a musician, a CEO, or a personal trainer, beware! He’s much more likely to have a side chick than an optometrist or a veterinarian.
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