As I get older, I’m beginning to realize that a lot of the things I cared about when I was younger won’t always mean as much to me as they once did. In fact, some of the things I was pretty passionate about at one point don’t really matter at all these days — ain’t that the way? Once you hit your 30s, you have less time and energy and fewer f*cks to give about a lot of things. Here are just a few you probably couldn’t give a damn about if you’ve passed the big 3-0:
- The singles scene. I’m sorry, I just don’t want to date anymore. I don’t want to go to the singles bar and pick up another loser. I really, truly, am tired of it.
- Drama. Honestly, this should have gotten old during high school.
- Faking orgasms. Bad sex is bad sex, and the only way to change that is to be honest with the guy (and if he doesn’t improve, find someone who’ll give you good sex).
- Partying every single night. By the time you hit 25, hangovers became multiple-day affairs. Once 30 peeks its head, you don’t want to hit the club unless you have a spare day to nurse my hangover.
- Being a side piece. This really shouldn’t ever be cool, but there were times when I wasn’t so put off by it. These days, I wouldn’t think twice about ditching someone if I found out he was already involved.
- Binge drinking. Because puking isn’t really fun.
- Being a rockstar’s groupie. By this time, I’m old enough to realize that the guys we idolized in the ’00s were probably douchebags. Besides, who wants to have to compete for some guy’s attention for all of five minutes?
- Spending money at the club. Oh, yay, bottle service. Oh? It’s only the price of my car payment? Awesome. Not!
- Being a slacker. This just makes you look like a loser after a certain age, you know?
- Being asked about kids. This actually gets old after 21. Stop it.
- Hard drug use. Ideally, you’d never actually have this phase to begin with, but any vague curiosity you had about drugs in any form sorta flew out the window once I grew up a bit.
- Minimum wage jobs. We all have to do what we can to survive, but by the time you hit my mid-20s, you should definitely not feel content to work way too hard for way too little pay. If that’s all you can swing at the moment, fine, but you should always want better.
- Dating dirtbags. This should have gotten old in college.
- Rebelling. By the time you’re in your mid-20s, you don’t really have anyone you can really rebel against anyway.
- Being a doormat. Because you know you deserve better than to be walked all over.
- Yelling “WOOO!” After 30, you just kinda look stupid doing it.
- Buying super trendy clothing that tears after you wear it once. Looking at you, Forever 21… It’s time to invest in some solid basics that you won’t throw out after a week.
- Dating people who are really not your type because you feel bad for them. Pity dates really don’t do anyone good — especially not the person you feel sorry for. After all, they’re just rewarding a guy for bad behavior and being crappy.
- Being passive-aggressive. Hopefully by this point in your life, you’ve already realized that being passive-aggressive isn’t productive.
- Dating people who are unambitious, unemployed losers. Truthfully, this gets old after the first couple of times for most of us.
- Sugarcoating things. Being blunt actually gets the job done, and once you’re in your mid-20s, you’ll realize that’s the best way to deal with it.
- Being a bleeding heart. Eventually, you realize that most sob stories are just that — stories.
- Living paycheck to paycheck. Personal savings are a thing… as are investments, budgets and taxes.
- Mainstream media heartthrobs. Who’s the newest dude we’re supposed to fawn over? Who cares?
- Popularity politics. This should have died in high school, too.
- Living with your family. C’mon, already. You’re 30. At least move out with a roommate!
- Impressing people who don’t care about you with stuff you don’t have the money to afford. It’s just an overall bad look, and it ends up hurting you in the long run.
- Dating someone who sucks in bed. Sex becomes a lot more important than you’d realize.
- Body insecurity. Eventually, you’re going to need to realize that you need to accept yourself for who you are. You only have one body, you might as well use it.
- Trying to live a Pinterest-perfect life. Why not just live a real one, instead?
