If you’re a single woman who eventually wants to have your own biological children, there’s a good chance you hear the ticking of your biological clock in the back of your head, especially after a break up or another bad date. We’ve all been there. Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock…
No one can argue with the idea that it’s wise to make choices conducive to having a baby sooner rather than later if that’s what’s important to you. That said, as many of us know, all the planning in the world can’t guarantee that you’ll meet the right person exactly when you want because it’s not entirely within your control — there’s some chance involved and life often takes us in directions that are different than we expected. So, what’s a girl to do?
More than anything: RELAX.
We can’t emphasize this enough.
Sure, getting older is scary when you’re single and the thought of “running out of time” can throw you into a full blown panic attack complete with hives, hot flashes and flop sweat if you dwell on it too much but, really, you have to stop freaking out about your age and your fertility for 4 very good reasons:
You’ll regret it if you don’t.
If you’re worrying about your age — let’s say you’re 32 but wish you were 28 — remember this: with every year that goes by, the age you’re currently at will look better and better When you’re 33, you’ll wish you were 32. When you’re 34, 33 will look better and you’d probably kill someone to be 32 again. When you’re 35, you’ll kick yourself for having been dumb enough to think 32 was over the hill. And when you’re 37, you’ll be praying to spend just a day as your amazing 32 year old self. So stop the madness now. Love and accept where you are, enjoy every moment of every year no matter what your age, and never for one second blame your age for anything. Make a promise to yourself to embrace all the good things that come with age and experience — no apologies, no regrets.
You actually don’t have an expiration date when it comes to love.
You’re not a banana or a carton of milk — just because you haven’t found your boo by 30 doesn’t mean you’re going to spoil. It may feel like you’re destined to be manless and childless, eventually choking to death on an M&M in your janky apartment with no one finding you for days but please, it’s 2016, not 1953. Thanks to changing times and technology (yay for OkCupid and Tinder!), millions of people find love well into their 30s, 40s (and beyond). Sure, it would be great to have found the love of your life by your early 30s but it can also be really fun to find that person later, after you’ve had time to live your life as a single person.
The anxiety kills your game.
There’s nothing sexier than a confident, independent woman. Survey after survey shows that what men respond to more than anything else is attitude — whether you behave like a desirable woman or not, for example — and not physical attributes like weight, height, skin, hair, age, nose, boobs, butt, etc. The bottom line: the more you love and accept who you are and where you are, the happier you’ll be and the hotter you’ll be. So put away the worry — it accomplishes nothing and is actually counterproductive.
If you need to have a baby later in life, there are MANY options.
The biological clock is a real bitch – no lie. But rather than freak out as you watch the sand (aka your eggs) fall through the hourglass (aka your ovaries), focus on the fact that, these days, there are many ways to start a family if that’s what’s important to you. For starters, you can always freeze your eggs. Yes, it’s expensive and invasive but it’s worth exploring to see if it makes sense for you. Or, maybe you’re one of those women who can get pregnant naturally and have a healthy baby in her 40s (go to your gynie regularly and stay on top of your hormone levels to find out). Or maybe you’ll have a baby after three rounds of IVF. Or maybe you’ll use a donor egg. Or a surrogate. Or adoption.
Some of these options are perhaps not what you dreamed of but we should all be grateful that we live in a time where there is a Plan B, C, D and E. Whether they’re ideal or not, those options give us something invaluable… Breathing room. They give us late bloomers in love the time to find the right person at the right time for us vs. a person in time. So, ladies, let’s take a collective breath and stop the madness. No one’s turning into a pumpkin at midnight.
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