Sometimes my love life feels like I’m stuck in the Groundhog Day, just without the wit. It feels like guys my age all got together and decided, “Hey, these are the dating moves we’re going to use for 2015, and spoiler alert – they’re all going to be total BS.” If modern dating is making you want to bang your head against the wall, you’re not alone. Some of these lines need to be retired immediately.
- “I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.” Funny story, since he’s totally okay boning you on the regular. This is called “keeping you on the hook.” Alluding to some magical, imaginary time in the future when he might be able to date you is total BS. What this statement really means is “I don’t want to be in a relationship… with you. Probably ever.”
- “I want to be with you, but…” You can pretty much guarantee that anything that comes after that “but” is going to be certified BS. If someone really wants to be with you, they’ll make it happen. End of story.
- “We should see other people.” Although I know that this is code for “we should break up,” this line has never made sense to me. It’s always seemed purposely vague. Why don’t you just say what you really mean? You just don’t want to see me anymore.
- “I’m meeting up with some friends around 5 for drinks and then I might be in your neighborhood around 8 if you want to grab a beer… but I’ll let you know.” However, when you do hear from this guy around 8 (which is actually closer to 9), you discover that plans have changed, he’s already left your neighborhood and he’s at a bar downtown where you should “totally come join him”… although, he might only be there for another hour. FYI, your Friday night shouldn’t feel like the dating equivalent of Where in The World is Carmen Sandiego?.
- “I’m not really over my ex yet.” In other words, “I’m totally okay having casual sex with you, I just can’t actually date anyone because my heart… it’s so terribly broken.” Why this is BS: when you probe for further details, you find out that his breakup happened five years ago. Hey buddy, time to repair that old heart of yours or retire this line. Your call.
