While some women fawn over rock stars and musicians, I’ve always had a thing for bad boys of the boardroom kind. Smarts, ambition and career success are as much a turn on for me as a killer guitar solo. Why? Because I love it when someone is really good at their job and can teach me new things about the world. It’s incredibly sexy. Explain to me the basics of coding or how a hedge fund works over a bottle of wine? Um, yes please.
However, as I’ve learned from personal experience, many of the traits that make you an ace at work are precisely the ones that will cause you strike out in the romance department. Don’t believe me? Here are a few things that will make you win at business but fail at love.
- You don’t take NO for an answer.“Never, ever, give up!” may be great advice for the business world, it doesn’t always work so well in the dating world. I’m pretty sure that the only thing the “never give up!” approach will get you is a restraining order and nuts stalker status.When dating disappointment strikes, you definitely need to have emotional endurance to stay in the game, however you also need to know when to throw in the towel. For example, that dude who says he’s “not into labels” and refuses to commit to you even though you’ve basically been together for a year – no amount of persistence is going to change that. Break up with him. There’s going to someone else that totally gets how awesome you are right from the get-go.
- You expect a “return on investment” on all of your dates and relationshipsA smart business person looks for opportunities where by investing X (time, money) into Y (thing/person) they’ll receive ROI (return on investment.) However, here’s the thing – people are terrible investments. We’re all beautiful, messy, gorgeously flawed creatures. You might find one you really, really like or love, put all of your heart and soul into the relationship, only to come out of it with a broken heart. To be good at dating, you need to become comfortable with the uncomfortable truth: that what you put out there isn’t always going to be returned – and that’s OK.
- You’re used to being the leader.To be good at your job, you need to know how to get stuff done like a boss. However, trying to to manage your love life like you’d manage a project or your staff with isn’t going to work. When it comes to your love life, you’re the boss of yourself – not other people. Also, you can’t expect specific results from people. Love is unpredictable. You need to be flexible. Thinking you can and should call all of the shots, will only make you come off as a control freak.
- You’re a pro at making cutthroat decisions. Although Donald Trump would probably say that the key to rocking at work is knowing when to say “you’re fired!” you are not Donald Trump. A cutthroat attitude doesn’t always fly when it comes to your love life. I’m not suggesting you keep going on terrible date after terrible date with that guy you met on Tinder; just that you should keep in mind that dating isn’t about instant gratification. Sometimes a relationship needs some time and space to evolve. As Aziz Ansari says in his book Modern Romance, some people are like Flo Rida songs – they get better with repeat listens
- You’re never satisfied with what you have.If you want to get anywhere in your career you can’t be complacent. You need to always be looking forward. Think about where we’d be if Steve Jobs had looked over the very first Apple computer and said, “Yup, I think we’re done here!” Exactly. However, when it comes to your dating life, it shouldn’t sound like the auto tune chorus in Kanye’s “Stronger.” I’m not suggesting you should ever settle when it comes to your relationships, however if you’re always looking for the next bigger, better, shinier thing, you might miss out on what’s right in front of your eyes.
