When someone belittles you, it can cause you to freeze—what should you do? What should you say? How should you act? By the time you finally come up with a response, the moment has passed. We don’t want that to happen to you, so we’re bringing you 7 ways to respond when this happens (that don’t include telling them *exactly* what you really think of them).
1. Openly Disagree
A great way to stop a belittler in their tracks is to be honest about the fact that you don’t agree with what they said.
For example: You’re talking to someone about a subject you’re knowledgeable about. They respond to one of your statements with “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” One way to respond to this situation would be with something like:
“I do know, I studied this subject for 5 years and I love discussing it with people!”
You’re standing your ground and asserting yourself without cutting off the chance for them to redeem themselves.
2. Deflect With Humor
Sometimes the easiest way to respond to a hurtful comment is by being playful. Not only does it completely disarm the person who spewed the hate, but it also neutralizes how you feel about the situation which can lend itself to a speedier resolution.
Let’s say someone takes a jab at you for never knowing what’s going on. You might respond with something like, “If I don’t know what’s going on, that means I don’t have to listen to your bad jokes.”
Ooh, burn. Make sure you say this with a genuine smile and playfulness—otherwise, it may come off wrong.
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4. Call Them Out
This is a great way to reply when someone puts you down. If someone is disrespecting you, try something like:
“Come on, there was no need for that—that wasn’t cool.”
Making a simple statement about how you’re not okay with what they said shows them you don’t accept or respond to belittling behavior in any circumstance.
5. Explain Why You’re Hurt
Believe it or not, people aren’t always aware of their behavior. To them, it could be a harmless joke or one-off comment but to you, it hurts. Trying to explain this to them can remind the person that their words have consequences. Something like:
“Hey, I heard what you said about me being lazy. That really hurt and made me feel bad about myself. I wish you would think more about my feelings when we’re hanging out.”
Most of the time, the person will realize how their comments have affected you and try to do better next time.
6. Question Them
This one is a little tricky because it definitely needs to be done with genuine care and intention behind it. If you come at someone with no tact, then you’re only doing what they did to you. So, in response to someone saying something hurtful, try something like:
“Ouch—is everything okay with you? What you said hurt and we both know that wasn’t true.”
You’re standing up for yourself while also kindly expressing concern for the other person.
7. Respond With A Positive Statement
Okay, hear us out. Turning a negative into a positive isn’t always easy—and we certainly don’t want to promote toxic positivity—but it can be a massive help in diffusing an uncomfortable situation.
Let’s say someone takes a jab at you for having really bad luck. Try responding with something like: “Well the good news is it’s only up from here! I’m excited to see what happens.”
Replying from a place of positivity is a great neutralizer and lifts the vibe and energy (and who doesn’t want that?).
