Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to love everything about them — and it certainly doesn’t mean that love should be unconditional. Dealbreakers exist for a reason, and you have every right to walk away if there are things about him or your relationship that you just can’t reconcile. Here’s why you shouldn’t love your partner unconditionally:
- Your partner has to pick up their end of the bargain. Relationships really only work when both people are doing their fair share, putting in a 50/50 effort. That means both people are honest, loyal and willing to do what they need to in order to make the other person happy. When someone decides to quit putting their all in and scales back to the bare minimum, you shouldn’t continue like things are OK. Your love should only be given with the condition that you’ll receive the same right back.
- Healthy relationships have healthy boundaries. Conditions may sound harsh and unromantic, but they’re simply boundaries that both people feel good having in their relationship to make both people feel secure and comfortable. Boundaries keep you both on the same page, and if someone ignores them, then you probably aren’t meant to be in a relationship.
- Dealbreakers keep you safe and happy. There are things that are just unacceptable, like cheating or any kind of mental, physical or emotional abuse. Unconditional love would have you think that you should still try to make it work with someone who hurt you, but dealbreakers like this exist in order to keep you safe. Make a list of what your dealbreakers are and remember them if the time ever comes. Your love is a gift that no one should take for granted.
- You choose your partner, unlike people you typically love unconditionally. Unconditional love is typically between family members. Your partner is different because you bring them into your life for a reason. If that person happens to not make you happy anymore or doesn’t have your best interest at heart, you’re allowed to end the relationship.
- Unconditional love ignores all the ways love can change. Sometimes your partner doesn’t change, but you do. That could lead to you loving your partner, but not being in love with them. Falling out of love happens when two people continue to grow as individuals but their paths are going in different directions, and it shows that love hardly ever stays the same. It grows and it fades, and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for that.
- It could put your self-love at risk, which should be unconditional. The one person you should love unconditionally is yourself. That means demanding to be respected, always speaking up for yourself, and knowing you’re worthy of a great partner. If the person you’re in a relationship with is making you feel unlovable or unworthy, then it’s time to get to moving! The longer you stay, the more at risk you are of actually believing those lies, and that’s BS.