We all have that friend who has an irrationally weak bladder; the one who can’t make it to the next bar without stopping at a Starbucks or McDonald’s to use the restroom. Unfortunately, in my group of friends, that person was always me. Whether it’s with my friends, family, or boyfriend, I was always the one that everyone was weary about giving that extra drink to, the one who always knew exactly how long it takes before that morning coffee passed through my system. If you’re like me, you understand the struggles that come with being a girl who has to pee every five minutes. Here they are:
- Coffee is our biggest frenemy. We love coffee. We need it in the morning to function. Make it a grande. However, we’re also hoping that we can make it through our 10AM meeting without disrupting our boss’ presentation by leaving the room…five minutes after it started. It’s our best friend and our worst enemy, depending on the situation.
- We don’t know if we can handle an 8+ hour road trip. “Are we there yet?” is usually our opening line to, “Where’s the closest gas station?” Our friends hate us for adding an extra hour to our drive to the beach due to unwelcomed bathroom breaks. Sorry guys, but we wanted to make sure we were hydrated.
- We are the epitome of “breaking the seal”. It’s Friday night and we’re ready for a night out on the town with our friends. Low and behold, after one beer, we already have to pee. Our friends are about to make our move to the next bar, but we need to make sure we go again before walking twenty blocks downtown. The line to the Women’s restroom wraps around the wall. There goes our buzz.
- We know the sign says “Customers Only”, but can we please just use your restroom? That store has a sign that says that the restroom is only for customers, but they’ll make an exception for us because we’re girls, right? Nope. Cut us some slack. We’re not going to make a mess, we just have to go. Still no? Okay, how much is a bottle of water? This store just made $2.00 off of my weak bladder. You’re welcome.
- What do you mean you don’t have a restroom? How does an establishment serve food and beverages, but it doesn’t have a bathroom? We finally found the closest sandwich joint and of course, it’s a hole in the wall shop with no bathroom. Tell me, Mr. Guy at the cash register, which bathroom do YOU use?
- We really don’t want to resort to breaking the law, but… Yes, public urination is a felony, but when you have to go, you have to go. We have to make that agonizing decision of “How badly do I really have to go?” Unfortunately, sometimes we’re at that point, usually intoxicated, when we can’t take another step without letting a drop slide. When it comes down to it, we have to pop a squat and go with the flow (literally)
It truly is a struggle being that girl who has to pee after every sip – Kudos to those of you who have strong bladders and can hold it in until you’ve arrived at your destination. For those of us who can’t, we’re busy doing the potty dance and breaking the law.