6 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Relationship by Overanalyzing – How to Quit It

6 Ways You’re Sabotaging Your Relationship by Overanalyzing – How to Quit It ©iStock/wavebreakmedia

Ladies, what are you doing? You’re in a brand new relationship; you’re excited, happy and also a little terrified that it could all go wrong somehow. Maybe it’s because you’ve read one too many magazine articles about how to “satisfy” and “please” your man, and now you’re wondering, “Well, crap, am I satisfying and pleasing my man?” That’s when the overanalyzing begins, and once it starts, it’s hard to stop.

Maybe by recognizing this kind of behavior, we can stop it. After all, it’s not that guys don’t overanalyze, either — it’s just that women tend to do it more, and I’m not exactly sure why, though I have my theories (ahem, women’s magazines).

  1. You ask too many friends for their opinions. You know how it goes: your boyfriend says or does something weird, so you turn to a friend for advice. And then another friend… and another. And your token guy friend. And your gay best friend. Before you know it, you’ve got too many cooks in the kitchen. It takes a lot to make a stew, I know, but you’re not making a damn stew, you’re making a mess. Stop asking all of your friends, because you’ll get a heaping pile of conflicting opinions and you’ll be even more confused. I promise. If you must ask, ask one trusted friend and leave it at that.
  2. You dissect text messages like it’s your job. If  you act like you’re trying to get to the bottom of a presidential assassination when trying to figure out what the text “k talk later” actually means, that’s a problem. In most cases, this is where the overanalyzing is the worst – reading into text messages and Facebook messages and emails and Tinder messages and  so on… It’s where #1 comes back into play, too, because what do we do when we get a message we can’t figure out? That’s right, we ask waaaay too many friends. Newsflash: It’s just a damn text.
  3. You get paranoid about what he’s doing when he’s not with you. What does he do when you’re not around? When he’s going out with “the guys”, is that code for “another girl”?  Instead of just asking him, you analyze the shreds of evidence you get, which naturally don’t tell the whole story, so you freak out and jump to conclusions. Really, all of this could have been avoided by simply talking to your dude. What a concept, right? Don’t analyze — communicate. You want to know what the hell is up with him? Ask him what the hell is up with him.
  4. You change who you are based on what you think he wants. Have you ever changed something (or everything) about yourself because you’re sure if you don’t, he’ll lose interest? It’s pathetic, but we do it anyway. For example, you may get it in your head that he prefers blondes, and you’ll want to dye my hair for him. You’ll see his preference in actresses, and start thinking, “Hmmm, they’re all blonde and have amazing bodies, I should follow suit.” And that’s silly, because they’re dating you for a reason: they like you, just the way you are – just like Billy Joel always said.
  5. You get into your own head. The more you overanalyze, the more paranoid you’re gonna get, and then it’s spiral time. You’re gonna spiral into a wave of paranoia. That doesn’t help anyone. You’re not thinking clearly because you’re so paranoid, and you’re paranoid because you’re so worried it’s all going to go wrong. It’s a bitter cycle, so don’t start it.
  6. You think too much about the future.  When you’re in a new relationship, it’s natural to think about where it could go — but you don’t want to become obsessed. You could go down a very scary path if all you do is try to envision where you’ll both be a few weeks, months, or years from now. It’s better to just live in the present and let things happen as they may. Of course, if the guy you’re dating is a total douchebag and you see no future, let him go. Other than that, just take it as it comes; don’t worry about whether you have long term compatibility or not, or you’ll miss the present. And what fun is that?
Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles, California. Her favorite thing to do is eat, sleep, and repeat. If you enjoy reading about dating and Los Angeles and pop culture, check out her book, "I Forgot To Be Famous."