You can’t help who you’re attracted to, but sometimes, it’d be pretty helpful if you could. After all, if you could weed out all the hot guys who seem great in theory but are actually total disasters, you’d save a whole lot of time and energy.
The gym bro. After dating guys who can’t spell “organic,” a guy who rises at 5 a.m. to exercise and eat healthy foods is refreshing (and probably looks killer naked), but anything extreme can quickly get on your nerves. He’ll freak out when you suggest breaking his “no carbs” rule and will probably spend more time making protein shakes and hitting the weight room than he will with you.
The guy in a band. Musicians are sexy, so when the guy you’re chatting to on Tinder says he’s a full-time musician, it’s normal to be intrigued. The problem? After asking him more questions and conducting a Google search that doesn’t reveal any upcoming shows, you’re likely to discover that Mr. Music plays only one song on his guitar, is a stoner and lives in his parents’ garage.
The emotional Rubik’s cube. There’s something mysterious about a brooding, quiet man, and trying to figure out what he’s thinking can be fun. But after a while, dealing with a human question mark becomes frustrating. You’ll fight when he doesn’t tell you who’s been texting him for an hour. You’ll be stressed wondering where he is all weekend. Lots of mystery is a fancy way of saying he’s got lots of secrets — AKA drama you don’t need.
The rubber band. You went on a few dates with a cool guy, then he stopped calling and bailed on you. You heard through the grapevine he was dating someone else. Now he’s back, apologizing for his “huge mistake” and making you swoon with how you were always The One. Romantic? Not so much. Ask yourself what’s stopping him from snapping off to someone else. He should’ve known you were amazing after he dated you the first time, after all. Press delete.
The free spirit. He’s an adventurous rule breaker, sexy and independent. What’s not to like? If he’s 30 and can’t commit to a job, relationship or dinner plans, he’s more childish than childlike. He lives in the now without worrying about consequences, but you don’t want to be the one to do damage control, especially if your heart is what’s getting wrecked.
Mr. “Perfect, but…” He’s got a good career, is attractive, close to his family and wants to settle down. He seems like a total catch… except for one thing: there’s no spark. You might feel guilty to leave because he’s so darn perfect and really likes you, but you deserve to feel more than wet fireworks. Chemistry has to be there, or else you shouldn’t either.
The best friend. Sure, you’re so in sync he’s practically the male version of you, but if you’re that close, he’s probably seen all your flaws and heard you whine about them, too. Awkward. Upgrading from bestie to boyfriend deletes certain friendship features, such as calling him late at night to bitch about your boyfriend. You can’t do that if he’s the boyfriend making you bitch. Double awkward.
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