7 Lame Moves A Guy Pulls When He’s Afraid Of Commitment

You’ve met a great guy and you have insane chemistry. Things are going well—you text all the time and you never run out of things to talk about, but then he starts acting… weird. Is he a douchebag or just afraid of commitment? If he pulls these moves, the answer is probably both, unfortunately.

  1. He starts making excuses not to see you as much. When you first started dating, he was keen to make plans for as soon as you both had free time in your schedules. Now, not so much. He’s fine to go a couple of weeks without seeing you but still insists he can’t wait to hang out. Sure, it’s possible that he’s met someone else or simply decided that he’s not that into you, but if he’s still initiating conversations sometimes and his behavior when you’re together hasn’t changed, chances are he’s just terrified of things getting too real.
  2. He suddenly takes forever to answer your texts. He used to reply within minutes (or an hour or two if he was at work); these days you’re lucky if he replies to a morning text before he goes to bed that night. Again, it’s always possible that he’s going off you, but if the text convos you do actually have are full, flow well, and aren’t all one-sided, chances are he’s just trying to distance himself a bit because he’s scared you’re headed towards a proper relationship.
  3. He regularly mentions how he’s “super busy.” He has plenty of time to play video games, go to the bar with his boys, or even meet up with you for a hookup and some Chinese, but he also wants you to know that his life is “super busy” and there’s always so much going on in it. He’s not telling you outright that he doesn’t have time for a relationship but that’s what he’s hinting at and it’s BS.
  4. He loves reminding you that you’re “having fun” together. He basically treats you like his girlfriend at this point and you treat him like a boyfriend but he often reminds you about all the “fun” you’re having together. It’s as if he thinks saying this negates how things truly are between you: intense, full of chemistry, and actually pretty good if he’d stop being an idiot.
  5. He alludes to his past relationship baggage. The longer you’re dating someone, the more appropriate it becomes to discuss past relationships. It’s fine that he went through a bad breakup in the past, but if he alludes to his ex smashing his heart into pieces and says things like “I’ve never been the same since” or “I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to look at love the same way,” he’s basically trying to tell you he’s a giant chicken when it comes to relationships these days.
  6. He accuses you of being clingy. He’s been stuck to you like glue since you started dating and seems to have been loving every second of it. Then suddenly he decides that you’re being a bit clingy and that the two of you need to slow down a bit. Never mind the fact that your behavior was never one-sided and that this is a total a-hole move, it all comes down to his own insecurity and his fear of commitment.
  7. He straight up ghosts you. Things just got too real for him and he couldn’t handle it. He knew you were heading towards a proper relationship and the thought terrified him so he thought he’d get out while he still had a chance. If the guy you’re dating pulls this lame stunt, he’s not good enough for you anyway. See ya!


Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.