You’re Not Alone: 7 Messed Up Thoughts You Have After A Breakup

Breakups are tough, and while going through the many stages of heartbreak, you might be tempted to do some mad things (which you hopefully won’t act on). Losing someone we really cared about can feel soul-destroying and send your brain on a deep, dark path to thoughts that really serve no purpose. We all have these thoughts, but it’s very important to keep them at bay to keep sane and heal. Here are some messed up thoughts you tend to have after ending a relationship.

  1. “Maybe I should talk to his friends to feel things out.” When you’re in a relationship with someone, you meet his friends and you might get along really well. But once the breakup happens, an unspoken friend custody battle will happen. It could tempting to see how your ex is doing by going to these mutual friends, but leave it alone. You don’t want to come across as the dramatic ex that wants to pull everyone into your breakup drama.
  2. “I hope my ex isn’t happy without me.” It’s natural to want to be the love of someone’s life even if things don’t work out. This thought might seem cruel, but it’s rooted to the fear of being insignificant to someone we care about. Probably don’t act on this thought by sabotaging your ex, but know that it’s normal.
  3. “I should ruin all of my ex’s things that are left behind.” If the ex did something particularly awful to you, then it might be tempting to just set his things on fire. But this isn’t a movie and actions like that have consequences. Box all of the stuff up and make a plan on how your ex can pick it back up so you’re not stuck with it. Then you can start moving on.
  4. “I should change my hair.” What is it about a breakup that makes us want to get the “new independent woman” haircut? Who knows, but don’t make any big decisions about your looks until you’re not in such an emotional state. The only thing worse about going through a breakup is doing something you will regret then feeling unattractive on top of it.
  5. “Why won’t you answer my texts?! I guess I’ll have to keep trying.” Movies like to tell us that a way to win a person over after a breakup is try harder. However, in real life, these actions are known as stalking. If someone isn’t answering you, then it means they need a break. Leave your ex alone and maybe he’ll will come to you.
  6. “I’m never going to do better.” A breakup could really do damage to your self-esteem, so this thought could creep in. However, it’s usually not true. There are just too many people out there to think you have already met the best you can do. Take the time you need to heal and then get back out in the dating world to see what more life has to offer.
  7. “She stole him from from me!” We hear this all the time, and it’s terrible. No one can steal someone from you. That person had to willingly make a choice between you and someone else and then he left. You shouldn’t take your emotions out on the third party, especially if it was a cheating situation. Be angry at the cheater who pretended like you could trust them.
Nicole Weaver is a staff writer for YourTango and regularly contributes to Hollywood, The Bolde, and Proud2BMe. She is a lover of all things entertainment meaning she spends most of her nights in New York binge watching television shows. Follow her on Twitter at @nikkibernice.