Halloween is meant to be a time for us to all dress up as a character we know and love. For some, that might be someone from Squid Game or maybe their favorite Stranger Things kid. For others, it might be one of the classics like Chucky, Freddy Krueger, or Jason from the Halloween movies. However, there’s a particular subset of costumes that come out on and around October 31 that I just can’t get on board with: sexy Halloween costumes. There’s nothing wrong with feeling and looking hot, but some of these are just… not right.
- A Sexy Police Officer I feel like this one is just in bad taste these days. There is a major problem with police and the general public in most western countries, and there’s certainly nothing “sexy” about it. I get that lots of dudes have fantasies about women in the force handcuffing and having their way with them, but the very idea of it should creep us all out at this point. No thanks.
- A sexy baby Do we even need to discuss why this is a major problem? Babies are not “sexy.” Ever. They are babies. While I would never tell someone what they can and can’t have as a kink, I do think I’m fully within my rights to give you a serious side-eye if this is something you’re into.
- A sexy angel Isn’t the whole point of angels that they’re completely neutral, heavenly beings that aren’t even human, let alone creatures with sexual desires? Angels work for God and help to guide and protect us (if that’s something you believe in). They don’t generally come down to earth to give you an orgasm (though I’m sure some would claim otherwise).
- A sexy Mrs. Claus This one isn’t necessarily offensive so much as it is corny. What, Santa works hard in his workshop all day, being the world’s savior by making sure all the boys and girls get toys, so Mrs. Claus makes sure she has a hot dinner and some sexy neglige on the minute he’s done for the day so she can relieve all that pent-up stress and exhaustion? Yawn.
- A sexy Freddy Krueger Oh, give me a break! Let’s get one thing clear: Freddy Krueger isn’t interested in having sex with you, he’s interested in killing you via your dreams while you sleep. Also, if you want to be really shallow, he’s also not what society would deem “sexy” due to the extensive scarring on his face and, you know, being a mass murderer.
- A sexy college graduate To be fair, education is definitely sexy and there’s nothing hotter than a woman who embraces and shows off her intelligence. The thing is, I don’t really think she needs to be scantily clad to do it. After all, it’s not the clothes (or lack thereof) that make her sexy, it’s her mind.
- A sexy snowman I’m a bit lost for words on this one. Why… just why? Snowmen are made of snowballs that have frozen solid, so going out half-naked isn’t really going to gel with that idea. Also, who sexualizes snowmen? I just don’t know what to say here.