7 Signs You’re Not Cut Out For A Monogamous Relationship

A committed relationship with an amazing partner might sound good in theory, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for you at this point in your life. Can you handle a monogamous relationship right now? Here are some signs the answer is no.

  1. You haven’t dated many people. If you haven’t played the field or met many different types of people, it might be better to broaden your horizons before you settle down. Sure, some people believe that when you know, you know, but it’s also important to date different types of people and take your time discovering what you like, what you don’t, what you want and what you need in a relationship before committing to a serious one.
  2. You’ve cheated in one or more of your past relationships. There’s no excuse for betraying your partner by being unfaithful regardless of what you tell yourself. When it comes down to it, if you truly cared about your S.O. and were committed to the relationship, you never would have cheated. If you find yourself with a wandering eye whenever you become exclusive with someone, monogamy may not be for you right now.
  3. You feel like you’re too young to settle down. This is the time in your life when you get to be selfish. You want to build your career, have fun with your friends, hook up with randoms you meet at the bar if it feels right. You don’t want to have to think about considering someone else in everything you do, and that’s fine—but it probably means you shouldn’t be in a relationship right now.
  4. You get bored easily. The honeymoon period is fine, but once the initial passion cools down, you often find yourself getting bored of the relationship. The truth is that things can’t always be hot and heavy. Life gets in the way and things settle into a more comfortable routine. Most people, if they’re with someone they truly love and connect with, find this to be a lovely part of a relationship. If you don’t, monogamy’s not for you right now.
  5. You have a hard time being consistent. You’re totally committed and over the top with your attention and affection when the relationship starts, but as time wears on, you notice the amount of effort you’re putting into things with your partner begin to slip. You’re hot and cold; sometimes you can’t imagine life without the person you’re dating and other times you want nothing more to be single again. While a certain amount of this feeling is natural for everyone, if it overwhelms you regularly, maybe stay single for a while.
  6. You’re intrigued by the idea of polyamory. You don’t find it hard to understand why people have open relationships; to you, it makes sense. You don’t necessarily believe you can get everything you need from one person and sleeping with multiple people also has a certain appeal. If you wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to be polyamorous, you likely aren’t all that into monogamy.
  7. You love the idea of love more than the reality. In theory, love sounds wonderful. Meeting someone who cares about you, who’s there for you through thick and thin, and who becomes your partner in crime is the dream… or is it? Eh, you could do without for now. If love feels more like a fantasy than a realistic scenario for you, monogamy probably isn’t on the cards at the moment.


Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill