Not everyone can be the couple that all the cool kids want to hang out with. Sometimes, people become insufferable when they’re in a relationship. They become so obnoxiously infatuated with one another that they lose all sense of appropriate behavior and end up alienating and/or aggravating the absolute crap out of their friends. While you may have relationship goggles on that distort your already questionable version of reality, there are some obvious telltale signs that you and your other half are the abominable annoying couple.
- No one wants to hang out with the two of you. You rarely, if ever, get invited to anything as a couple. That’s because you guys are fun to hang out with separately but everyone wants to kill you when you’re together. Something about being in each other’s presence makes the two of you completely lose your mind and your poor friends can’t stand it. This situation is made exponentially worse when you guys don’t even realize you’re acting like that. Maintain behavioral awareness at all times.
- Everyone is standoffish when you’re together. Your friends are trying to maintain a sense of distance from your unholy union because they don’t want to give you the impression that they approve of your BS. Be on the lookout for short, blunt replies in conversation and toxic levels of sarcasm. Your friends are trying to tell you something and the sooner you figure that out, the better off you’ll be.
- No one ever asks about your significant other. They don’t ask because they don’t care. That, or they’re probably afraid that reminding you about your relationship will cause you to panic when you realize that your boyfriend isn’t within five feet of you. Then they’ll have to sit there and suppress their gag reflexes while you babble endlessly about how much you miss him and how great things are.
- You have no problem fighting in front of your friends. If you have a disagreement, work it out privately. Never scream at each other in front of your friends or family. That’s just crass. And, it’s awkward as hell for everyone else to sit through. Keep the rage locked inside until you two can argue about your stupid stuff in private or far enough away that your friends can see you but not hear you. That way they can speculate about what you guys are saying and entertain themselves with hilarious mockery.
- You’re incapable of spending time apart. You shouldn’t be using your partner as a filler for every emotional void you perceive yourself to have. Having a life outside of your relationship is healthy. Different interests and hobbies are a good thing, not a reason for one to drag the other absolutely everywhere they go. Bringing your partner along and inviting him places without asking is going to earn you a one-way ticket to excommunication from your circle of friends. You guys are not forcibly stuck together like old Legos. Enough with the clingy stuff.
- You text each other when you’re in the same room. This is vile. Everyone can see what you’re doing. It isn’t cute. If you value your safety, please stop.
- All you talk about is your relationship. Hijacking every conversation you have and turning it towards your significant other is a normal habit for you. Even if the current conversation is about colonizing deep space, you will find a way to make your boyfriend the topic of discussion, much to everyone else’s dismay. You are boring the crap out of everyone and driving them to insanity at the same time. If you continue this mindless behavior, you’d better start praying that your family and friends don’t end up on some kind of super important space colonization committee. They will make damn sure you and your repugnant relationship get left behind.
